#quegacho

So I feel somewhat better as the day went by but today was a really hard day. Just hard to get through every single step of the way. And I didn’t even have to go to get grandma off to daycare as she hasn’t been feeling too well and my mom is now concerned with the corona virus. But... my schedule will not have to change. When I go to counseling my dad will come and on fridays my mom will do it all. Fair enough for me.

I thought about not going to work today but I’m broke as I paid more on my credit cards and forgot the cell phone bill and then I was like shit... I’m broke. Mariana’s dad is supposed to pay 100 and my son already paid his part. And then my boss messaged in the morning she needed her room done and some other things so I feel obligated. And really there is something about cleaning the fuck out of her house, which always kicks my ass and then heading back to town all dirty and tired and shit. But it’s like an end to the week. I earned it. Often my ex husband and I used to always celebrate the weekend by trying to have weed and maybe a 4loko or some shit inexpensive and I remember one time someone said well what are you celebrating when neither of you work?? Lol valid point but why the fuck not 😂😂 And I was a mom (the only one who drove in the family too) so I was busy in the week keeping up with the kids too.

When I came home from dropping my daughter off Avondre was sleeping. I hit the dab a couple times and laid down. I was tired. He kinda tried to hug on me but not really. He got up and got ready a little before I needed to. He said he had errands to run.

I half way expected to come home at some point and all his shit is gone. But today was not the day. He got some clothes it seems. Good for him a lot of his clothes need to be replaced. And there no reason not to you can get decent clothes for cheap. Pretty much all my clothes are cheap lol. I can’t justify spending a lot of money on clothes in most instances.

I didn’t want to be at work and even less when I got there I realized my bosses husband was there and I really didn’t want to be there. Even less social. I was hoping things were not too messy but they kinda were. And she asked me to do her bedroom and that room is always a shit ton of work.

I will not lie to you and tell you I’m particularly tidy. I dislike cleaning and have to push myself to do it but I think I do an alright job. I don’t let things get dirty and stinky. If something smells in the house I have to deal with it immediately. Sometimes my room collects an impressive amount of shit but I’ve been pretty good at keeping it up.

But Jesus fucking Christ my bosses room is something else lol. I think people who do housekeeping probably have a better self confidence about their own life as we see people where they live, in their element. The house they live in is so nice. Like, I’d KILL to be able to live where they live. They’re not super remote but remote enough. It takes a decent amount to get to town but not ridiculous. They have neighbors but you can’t see them and rarely hear them. There is a lot of forest so you feel remote. They have acres too. 3 bedrooms, 3 stories, it’s real nice. Their room is HUGE and it has a balcony. As a stoner I’ve always dreamed of having a balcony out of my room. Well, maybe someday.

I’d lie, however, if I said I didn’t think a lot of the time if this was my house I’d NEVER let it get this messy. I’d like to think that but idk. She’s disabled so cleaning is hard (and face it if you have money to pay people to clean your shit, why not???) and they are very busy on the farm. And farm life is messy. Dirty. They are not lazy in any way shape or form. I guess maybe just happens when you’re used to others cleaning up after you.

But it took awhile to clean their room especially since I didn’t want to lol. But I pride myself on not wasting time. On average I’m there four to five hours and I rarely to never take any sort of break except for the bathroom. I drink my water, occasionally have to answer a text or phone call but I appreciate the trust my bosses have in me so I don’t wanna take advantage of that. Through my life for some reason I’ve oftdn been taken in with people who have money and worked for them in different ways. I always say I’m a great right hand woman but prefer not to be in charge. But don’t get confused I can run shit if I need to. I just prefer not to.

But I’m trustworthy and that means more to me than almost anything that people trust me. Again today my bosses husband wanted to make it clear if shit hits the fan I’m welcome at their house and on their property. That they are stocked up and prepared. And that’s the truth lol.

I realized as I’ve been reading Apple news nearly every single article has something to do with the corona virus. Like seriously wtf. Again I’ve said 100% I don’t think we need to panic but being decently prepared is good. Regular procautions for flu. I haven’t had money lately but I want to refresh my kit for power outages and earthquakes. I kinda stopped working on it once winter hit and the threat of losing power because of fire danger was essentially gone. But, winter has been very dry this year so I anticipate fires will be worse. Last year wasn’t too bad overall compared to when we were in more serious drought.

I finished cleaning around 445, nearly 6 hours when I was done.

And now I just had a yelling argument with my son about his hotel party. I rented him a very nice room for tomorrow for him and way more friends than I expected him to have. But I didn’t expect him to have his girlfriend there, at least overnight because her parents are so crazy and “overprotective.” I thought she might come for awhile but no way all night. But now he’s trying to say they’re gonna have a bed and I’m like wtf NO. And the reason I trip is because now he’s an actual legal adult and she’s still 16 for another week or so. But either way she’s a minor and he’s not. And they’ve already threatened me that oh they called the cops and are gonna charge him with statutory rape way back almost a year ago when all they did was catch them talking in front of their house. And finding out my son has walked her home regularly. So I think it’s not at ALL far fetched that if they found out she slept at a hotel room with him, rented by me, then that would be great grounds for them to actually call the cops and charge him and fuck up his life for forever. Which is bull shit because they’re not that far apart in age, they go to school together and have now two years. He’s nice to her, he’s a good kid. And her own mom goes on and on about how her daughter has already had sex and her daughter doesn’t know how to treat guys and blah blah and it’s like stfu. I don’t even think anything bad about the girl personally. Really I feel bad for her because her parents sound like real assholes. But there’s nothing I can do besides watch my OWN child’s ass. So now there is this issue in addition to everything else.

Both kids will be gone tomorrow. Not sure if Avondre will work tomorrow night or if tonight will be his last for the week. Luis messaged and wanted to hang out tonight. I thought about having him come here and smoke but then I started to worry what if Avondre came home early I know he’d trip. Even though now that I’m with Avondre I wouldn’t be doing anything inappropriate with Luis. But it’s almost Luis birthday and he said he wanted me as his present 😂😂 Also it’s been awhile since we smoked and hung out so it’s time to check in. But it always makes me nervous any guy interaction when I’m with Avondre cause he used to be so jealous. Well he needs to be paying more attention to me but I’m not at all looking for any attention elsewhere either. I wish everyone would leave me alone. Except Seth if he wanted to.

I had to limit my watching what Seth does. I have started opening my shades again, that’s how I prefer it anyways and it makes it warmer in here. But I’m always wondering what Seth does. I peeked at home when I was at the taco truck and he was home. But like fifteen minutes later he was gone. Just like the night before he left too. And it seemed yesterday he was cleaned up. Today he looked more average. I kept thinking a million times what he was doing and who was he with. And I kept having to remind myself how much he didn’t ever love me and how much he loved Hungarian bitch and how he probably slept with her days and days when I was here crying for him and scared from the neighbor.

Sucks.

I restricted looking over there. I looked like 745 and he wasn’t there and I was sad. I took a shower and got cleaned up and then my daughter came home and I seen he was home and all lights out. So, he got home at some point. At least he didn’t stay very long. Ugh. You think it’s hard to avoid your ex on social media but just imagine if he’s your neighbor. Directly across the street. So yeah. Ugh.

Positive I have all weekend off. Negative tomorrow is filling up with all