#queerpregnancy

On the left we have my beautiful wife and on the right we have our friend and Donor R. When we asked R for helping making our WE into three we all sat down at our local drinking hole and went over what life would look like. It started with the basic question how far does R want to be involved and where we see the boundaries. For me I was on and off the fence about using a known Donor. Only for my selfish gain was I on the fence. When I say selfish gain I mean when a person(s) uses a sperm bank they do have the option for the child convinced to contact the donor at the age of eighteen, other option is to have a unknown donor and no contact is available. So why on the fence? I want to live in this world where I am the mom and B is the mom and those are the only two factors. science needs to speed up for my wants. Like in other post I have mentioned that my father left me at the age of three and growing up I wanted to know the other half of me, I felt like part of me was missing even though I was raised by a wonderful mother and loved endlessly I questioned why I did certain things and acted a certain way. That is what made me agree to use our friend. I want baby H to have access and a connection to both sides of her DNA makeup  because at the end of the day motherhood is about but my child's needs over my mine. I still struggle every few days. I have a round of fear that baby H won’t love me or when she finds out R is her other half i’ll be left in the dust but these fears aren’t meant for my child’s ears because I am the mother I am loved and I feel a strong connection already. B tells me when I get loud and laugh or talk baby H starts to move more. When B is asleep I talk to H and pat and rub her and sometimes B will start laughing in her sleep saying H is moving alot. 

So the end of this ramble we told R that we would like to see him come to birthdays and Easter egg hunts but major family holidays are just meant for us and he has access as much as a family friend that we call aunt or uncle. He agreed and thanked us for choosing him he felt honored.  

Grandma helping with removing varnish.

Yesterday was our 20 week ultrasound. This was our second time going in for our 20 week due to the fact Baby H didn’t want her face to be seen. I mean I am not going to complain about seeing baby on the ultrasound she looked so perfect.

I invited Donor R to come and see Baby. B and family has told me that if we want him to donate again we/I shouldn’t shut him out. I know he is interested about the process. Through doctors and being sexually active and never producing a child he though be couldn’t have children and was giving us broken sperm when he donated. So the shock of finding out he helped us start our family has keept him Engaged with how the growth of Baby is coming along. I struggle with not being over protective. I want to just pretend that it’s just me and B and baby H.

(OK, posting this after NYE, cuz I wanted to rename the blog URL)

It’s the end of 2013. I’m getting ready to go out to dinner with my wife (‘L’) and a couple friends in Midtown, far enough away from the Times Square ridiculousness, but close enough to still feel the energy of this city I’ve come to call my home.

For whatever reason, today is the day I decide to start a blog about the adventure that awaits us next year, when (if love and science prevail), I’ll get pregnant with L’s egg and a (yet to be picked) baby daddy’s sperm.

This may be the last NYE I can just go out an play, staying up however late I want, drinking bubbles with my wife, without having to worry about the baby or scrambling on care.com to find an overpriced sitter.

So, let’s start 2014 with a bang! Cuz if the stars align, I may be welcoming my own baby new year by 2015!