#queerbert

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Donna, Pomeranian.

queerbert replied to your post “Alloromantic aces, listen up.”

I thought ace and aro were different, not categories of the same thing? Asking honestly—I know we are united in that we are a-spec (along with agender), but I wouldn’t expect an aro character to necessarily be ace, and I wouldn’t expect an ace character to be aro. I learned we are united, but different. Did I learn it wrong? I mean no hate, I want to learn to better understand. Why assume an ace character is aro? (I know this could come off as arophobic and I really promise I don’t mean to be!)

I’m not sure if you’ve misread the post, if you don’t understand the word “alloromantic” or if there’s other common terms/frameworks in a-spec discussions you aren’t yet exposed to. Are you reading “alloromantic” as “aromantic”, perhaps?

(Side note: this blog isn’t a 101 level space and I don’t recommend it for folks needing that kind of education and support. This blog is for aro-specs, like myself, who were tired of so many aro-spec blogs being bogged down in introductory-level questions about terminology and identity, and my discussion posts assume some familiarity with our language and the current shape of the a-spec community.)

My post is not about assuming an ace character is aro. My post is about acknowledging the different experiences between aces who are also aromantic/aro-spec (aro-aces) and aces who experience romantic attraction (alloromantic aces). My post is about asking alloromantic aces, who tend to dominate discussions in the ace community right now, to label the alloromantic ace content they’re celebrating as alloromantic so aro-aces can move on in search of content that represents us. My post is about combating the aro erasure in the ace community by asking that alloromantic aces stop assuming that their romantic content is applicable to all aces, including aro-aces.

Right now, many media posts in ace spaces depict or discuss alloromantic aces--aces who experience romantic attraction. The authors of these posts tell me to be excited about alloromantic ace rep, that these stories are important for the whole ace community, that I need to support and celebrate romance narratives because I am ace. These posts ignore the fact I am aromantic in favour of centering the ace by assuming I should be as passionate about romance narratives as the author, despite my being aro. All I am asking is that alloromantic aces indicate that the content they’re promoting is relevant to alloromantic aces so aro-aces, especially those of us who prefer our media without romance storylines, can scroll past--instead of having to read five paragraphs into a post to discover that this story that is supposed to represent us by virtue of depicting asexuality doesn’t depict us at all.

My post is all about not treating ace and aro as the same thing, to address a long-running frustration I have with the ace community’s tendency to ignore and erase aros in favour of treating the ace as the only quality that matters. My post is about saying that the experience of being ace and having romantic attraction is very different from the experience of being ace and being aromantic/aro-spec, so please let’s acknowledge that.