#queer queens

Also the Beatles:

When you break up with your ex and try to feel close to her again in the most chill, inconspicuous way = ask her pals how she is then jump into a lift to hide your emotional glossy retinas xoxo.

Sorry but you cannot tell me Jacqueline didn't think about Jane EVERY DAY in her absence from Scarlet. My gay heart - Janequeline should've been endgame and it pains me so much the writers didn't give them the fuckin hottest sex life, marriage and dogs they deserve.

Okay now when I listen to “Cruel Summer” all I can think about is Demi and Kristian before Demi leaves for BiP.

Fever dream high In the quiet of the night You know that I caught it (oh yeah, you're right, I want it)

They meet in casual settings with mutual friends hanging out. Whether the flirtation is instant or a slow burn, they can’t stop thinking about each other when they leave that night. They hope to run into each other again soon.

Bad, bad boys Shiny toy with a price You know that I bought it (oh yeah, you're right, I want it)

But in the back of Demi’s mind is BiP. She’s open to it, she’s signed up for it, she’s excited for it. But she knows that signing up for BiP means looking for a man; there isn’t even the “option” to explore things with women. Going means writing off another part of her for a period of time. Going means paying a price to try and find love.

Killing me slow, out the window I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

But they’re still drawn to each other. While they’re apart, they hope the other makes an excuse to reach out or the mutual friend will orchestrate something fortuitous. The next time they finally do meet, things move much faster. The chemistry and connection is obvious and was always instant. It’s amazing and strong and so natural. And neither saw this coming or was even looking for it.

And it's new The shape of your body, it's blue The feeling I've got And it's ooh, whoa oh It's a cruel summer

Demi is upfront about BiP with Kristian and they start things with no road map of where things will be. The timing, of course, could not be worse. It would be one thing if the feelings had been one-sided, but neither of them were prepared for what they have. A huge change is on the horizon, slowly creeping towards them, and with each passing moment they fall more and more in love.

It's cool That's what I tell 'em, no rules In breakable heaven but Ooh, whoa oh It's a cruel summer With you

When they’re together, it’s a private space where they can get to know each and grow together. There is no Bachelor Nation rules and it can unfold organically and at their own pace. But it’s temporary. Soon Demi will be off to one of the biggest stages, will be excepted to try and find love, and to have not found it before she gets there.

Hang your head low In the glow of the vending machine I'm not dying (oh yeah, you're right, I want it) We say that we'll just screw it up in these trying times We're not trying (oh yeah, you're right, I want it)

Everyday moments pass and they soak in every one. But should they be doing more? Doubt plagues them, it’s a shadow in every conversation and every look between them. “Has it been enough? Have I been enough? What’s going to happen next? Should I say something before it’s too late?”

So cut the headlights Summer's a knife I'm always waiting for you Just to cut to the bone Devils roll the dice Angels roll their eyes And if I bleed You'll be the last to know

The remaining moments pass between them, most of them great and some of them sober. Neither wants to bring up the impending change out of fear of conflict, of hurt feelings, and of sadness. There’s not much to be said without being too vulnerable. Saying “I love you, please remember that” feels too heavy. Saying “I’m sorry” feels too small. Saying “I’m hurting” feels too obvious.

I'm drunk in the back of the car And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (oh) Said "I'm fine", but it wasn't true I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

But it’s overwhelming and they succumb to all of their complicated emotions. There is crying, there is patience, there is discussion and agreement, but if you were to ask either of them if they were happy, they wouldn’t be able to say “yes.”

And I, snuck in through the garden gate Every night that summer just to seal my fate (oh) And I screamed for whatever it's worth I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

[S]he looks up, grinning like a devil

“I support you and I trust you, but please, for my sake, don’t break my heart. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

It's new The shape of your body, it's blue The feeling I've got And it's ooh, whoa oh It's a cruel summer

It's cool That's what I tell 'em, no rules In breakable heaven but Ooh, whoa oh It's a cruel summer With you

I'm drunk in the back of the car And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (oh) Said "I'm fine", but it wasn't true I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you And I, snuck in through the garden gate Every night that summer just to seal my fate (oh) And I screamed for whatever it's worth I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

A last night together before radio silence. It’s thick with longing but understanding. They agree on where they are: dating but not exclusively. It’s a change (or a chance) to survive and it’s so hard. And now all that’s left to do is wait.