#pyxfics

Miss Essertia handed it to me personally as I sat down at my cubicle. Her grin was wider and toothier than normal, even wider than the time she "accidentally" walked into the men's restroom instead of the women's...on a different floor from her office.

It looked like a smooth mauve thermos, with silver swirling fractal patterns inlaid across the surface. There was a thin clear panel down the side, showing it held...well...

Something?

It was green, and was definitely liquid...I think. It moved kind of weirdly, and seemed to catch the light in strange ways. Once or twice, I could have swore I saw little sparkles or shimmers dancing along...but when I looked more closely, they were gone.

When asked what exactly she had gifted me, Miss Essertia only laughed, then rested a large hand on my shoulder. She said it was, "Only a little something made to help pretty things relax," an answer that had me blush and protest in equal measure.

I kept it at my desk, giving it an eyeful of attention every now and again. I didn't want to even risk opening it to sniff; affini were far too tricky to be so naive, after all.

Still, as the day dragged onward, I felt a strange...desire, I suppose. My clothes felt a bit uncomfortable, and the warm summer air was causing my palms to sweat. A nice chilled beverage would be nice, but...

No! I shook my head hard, trying to dismiss the idea as I rolled the beverage around in my hands. It was a bad idea to drink it. I knew this.

I knew it.

"Are you enjoying your present, little one?"

I blinked slowly, keeping my eyes on the shimmering liquid. "...mmm?"

"Your pretty little fascinator, dear!" Miss Essertia, who must have somehow slipped and fallen in between my ass and the chair, wrapped her vines a little tighter around me. "Don't worry, it is perfectly edible if you had that desire...but the point of it is to just enjoy how it looks, see?"

She reached out and slid the clear panel wider, revealing the stunning colors in all their glory. My hands shook as I drooled...I mean, as I focused.

"C... can't drink it...drugs...?" I stumbled over my words, the syllables slippery like river stones.

"Oh, silly pretty petal~" cooed Miss smugly, giving me a pat on the head as she held up some kind of measuring tape around my neck. "The drugs are on the outside of the tube. A nice topical powder that soaked into your hands as soon as I handed it to you. Don't worry about it, dearheart."

At least, we think it's a planet. The colony's power grid can't sustain the tech required to both track it and keep our life support on, so we only get updates every twelve hours or so. But Greggs insists that there is something...off. Something about the gravitational...whatever. I don't remember, honestly. Scientist stuff.

He'll have more info tomorrow, he says.

---

The blurry photo rests on my desk, untouched since Greggs placed it carefully down, as if it held a weight beyond the paper it was printed on. He circled a slightly darker shadow, demanding we prepare, that we pack up and leave.

I tell him that we can't. That we simply don't have the resources. It would be more than suicide- it would be murder.

He left, vowing to find another way.

I dreamed of it that night. A small speck of black against our yellow sky.

---

It's closer now...not close enough to be seen with the naked eye, but close enough for Greggs to be terrified.

He says that it's wrong. That it moves against reason...and that despite its size, our own orbit hasn't changed nearly enough to compensate. He thinks it's Weed tech.

Ridiculous. If the Weeds could turn a planet into a ship, they wouldn't need to take over humanity for resources. They wouldn't need to find our colony.

I had the dream again. It's been happening every night for the last three days, but this afternoon...I must have dozed off, because when I looked out of my window I saw four eyes staring back at me.

Hungrily.

---

You can see it now. It's easier at dawn, since the angle of our star lights it up just right- dark mottled yellowish green. I had to put Greggs in the brig; caught him trying to take supplies and leave. The others wanted to kill him, but...something told me to keep him alive.

Maybe it was the eyes. I'm not the only one who has had the dreams, I now know. Others have been feeling it, too. We caught Julie carving them into a wall with a knife, over and over- she's been detained as well.

---

TheEyesAreWatchingTheEyesSeeMeTheEyesAreWatchingTheEyesSeeMeTheEyesAreWatchingTheEyesSeeMeTheEyesAreWatchingTheEyesSeeMeTheEyesAreWatchingTheEyesSeeMeTheEyesAreWatchingTheEyesSeeMeTheEyesAreWatchingTheEyesSeeMeTheEyesAreWatchingTheEyesSeeMeTheEyesAreWatchingTheEyesSeeMeTheEyesAreWatchingTheEyesSeeMeTheEyesAreWatchingTheEyesSeeMeTheEyesAreWatchingTheEyesSeeMe

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---

It's much closer now - about the size of a pea held at arm's length.

She told me it was okay, though.

I don't know Her name yet, but we talked last night, in my dreams. She said that I didn't have to worry about it anymore. That I didn't have to worry about anything anymore. That She would care for me, for all of us.

About half of us can hear Her, as it turns out. I apologized to Julie and Greggs and the others. I just didn't understand yet.

I do now.

---

She will be here tomorrow. She is so excited to meet us...and I am too. I can barely sleep- it's like every holiday and birthday rolled into one. She said that Her friends are stabilizing the system with their mass, positioned just right to keep everything safely in place while She fetches our planet.

She's so considerate.

---

The sky is no longer yellow. It's green.

She unfurled around the planet, wrapping us in her embrace. It was perfect...wonderful. The few who had yet to hear Her voice...well, they definitely did at that point. We all dropped to our knees, bowing in supplication, in worship, in surrender.

When She spoke, it came from all around us. She calls herself Goddess. She said that She had been looking for us, had searched for years. I cried, my grief unending. We had run like frightened children from our Mother's embrace. Twelve of us had died...and for nothing.

She forgave me- forgave us. She said that She understood. Her vines descended from the sky, covering the entire world. Making sure that no one was left behind. She lifted our colony from the crust of this awful place, keeping us inside her forever. There are others here- other 'florets'. Thousands of us, as one big family.

Her center glows with light and life, a star that loves us all, the center of my universe, my reality. I wake each day with a smile, and She smiles back as I worship Her.

"Shhhh...there we are, sweet pea~ let Nurse Mommy take care of it for you~"

*Beep! Beep! Beepbeep!*

You had grimaced at the thermometer, hoping your annoyance would somehow lower your temperature back to healthy levels.

Unfortunately, it remained resolute: you had a fever.

Helpfully, your tablet had immediately pulled up a list of recommended medications to take, provided by your (ugh) Vet.

Unhelpfully, it also voluntold you to visit the nearest hospital. Not that you would have had to walk, of course. An affini would be arriving in less than five minutes to carry you the half-kilometer journey.

"Are we nice and snuggled in? Here, do Nurse Mommy a biiiig favor and squeeze lots of love into Miss Kitty Cat, okay?"

With a sigh, you had gathered a few things and placed them in a bag, then slung the ensemble over your shoulder.

Thankfully, the affini who arrived was rather professional (almost too professional, honestly; she barely spoke, other than to inform you that her name was Marsha.)

Unthankfully, the plant had dropped you off at the floret wing of the hospital. Emblazoned above the door way in a variety of languages were the words:

Sniffles Ward

You frowned, rubbing your nose with the back of your hand. You were barely even sick, for starssakes! You didn't need to be here, you just needed a day or two to rest at home and you'd be fine.

"Oh dearie me, I think that fever is getting a touch worse~ any higher and I'm afraid the best option will be for Nurse Mommy to snuggle in next to you, cutiepie~!"

The receptionist checked you in with a gleaming smile, then led you down the hall and to a...surprisingly comfortable and homey room. Rather than the uncomfortable beds or medical equipment, it looked like the interior of a bedroom...albeit one you might have had at the age of 5 or 7.

You groaned slightly as you relaxed into the bed and under the covers, letting your eyes flutter shut in relief. The blanket felt thick and heavy, creating that kind of warmth that felt incredible to sleep in, without getting sweaty or uncomfortable.

Then a few minutes later the door had opened, and She walked in.

"Good Morning, sweetheart~! My name is Motzie Solatia. I'm here helping fill in while I look after my ward! If that name is a bit too Big for you though, you are free to call me Nurse, or Mommy...or both~!"

You were half delirious by that point, apparently. She told you as such, and She didn't have a reason to lie. She laid a cool wet cloth on your head and gently stroked your cheek, humming a soothing song that reminded you of brighter days.

With a yawn, you let your eyes close comfortably, letting the Nurse handle things. It was all so...easy. So comfortable. Your body didn't want to move, not really. You just wanted to exist and float and be cared for, to be spoonfed bite after bite of soup.

"There we go~ You're looking much better now that we've broken that fera...after we've broken that fever~"

You twitched slightly in your sleep, curled up in the affini's vines as she gently rocked you back and forth.

I didn't use to feel this way, y'know?

Pride in myself? Yeah, that was a Bad Thing. I thought everyone knew that.

Pride was that thing that killed heroes and made sophonts into loud, obnoxious assholes.

And praise? Ha!

Praise was an exchange, a "I will begrudgingly give you this, but only if you give me far more."

If you feel good about yourself, you were supposed to hide it, to keep it away from public eye and conversation. Don't let anyone find out, or they will use it against you.

Good Sophonts don't have pride, they're meant to be humble, unfailingly and unceasingly...

But I was wrong.

Or, well. The idiots who pressed that lesson into me over and over with action and word...they were wrong.

Because it's okay to have pride, actually?

My Owner has pride in me. She slathers my soul in praise and affection; everything from trying a new activity to something as simple as combing my hair...and sometimes just for being me, for being enough, for smiling at her, for nothing at all.

She tells me that human words were too...limited. That no one had taught me the difference between hubris and confidence, between arrogance and self-love, between haughtiness and making space for myself.

And the crazy thing is?

I believe her, now.

I'm happier now that I have pride in myself. My friends are, too; they said it was like watching a wilting flower finally bloom.

Because she showed me what she sees in me, her pet. The one she chose, the one she loves, the one that makes her smile. And she showed me every different smile I make, and how I try in everything I do.

Her pride is...overwhelming at times, I'll admit. But...but a good kind of overwhelming? A scary kind, to be sure! It feels like jumping into a ball pit without knowing how deep it is, and it's so easy to just sink into it and wriggle and flap and worry.

But the feeling of her gentle gaze upon my works, my efforts, my soul? To know that she sees me in totality, and is pleased, is delighted, is proud?

The flower of Pride I wear on my head, that I show to and for everyone...is a Good Thing.

And I can trust my Owner to care for me as it blooms. That my friends would come to me (or her) and inform me, without guilt or shame, if I needed to change.

I'm done holding myself back just to appease the ghosts of lessons taught to a scared child.

No one told me how good it was going to feel.

They talked on and on about how I would lose my values, my thoughts, even my soul.  They told me I would be damned for eternity, trapped inside of myself and unable to so much as blink, much less scream.

They told me that my 'Owner' would ignore my need for control, would take parts from me until the only thing left was a shell of myself, a thing.

I believed Them.

I still do, to be honest.

The problem is that ever since I've woken up from the implantation surgery...I can Feel It.

Her implant, like a seed taking root in my nerves and muscles.  Wrapping around my spine like a long-lost lover, communicating not with mere words but in feeling, in intention, in silent memory.

And it feels impossibly, unbelievably good.  Each second brings yet another pulsing wave of pleasure emanating from my spine. 

Training, She had said.  Conditioning, she silently added with Her eyes, like violet storms.

And even though it is nothing more than simple pleasure, even though I know exactly what She is doing...I can tell it's working.

I can feel the soft curl of a smile on my lips, when I get distracted.  I can feel it guide me.  Making me want to obey.  The stick is unneeded when the carrot is unable to be resisted.

She told me I'm going to feel this way every day of the rest of my life. 

I cried.

I don't know if it was from frustration, or relief.

...Or maybe I do know.  Maybe I do, and the thought of knowing terrifies me more.

I am unable to ever be alone again.  Unable to ever make a mistake, unless She wants me to. 

I am unable to hate Her anymore.

Not that I think I ever did, not really.  She was...is difficult to get along with, to be sure.  But She listens to me.  I know She does.  And I'm healthier than I've been in a long, long time.  It is, if nothing else, a decent life promised to me.

Ah.

It...the implant rewarded me for that thought. 

...hm.

Would I have thought this before now?

Doubtful.

But that me had yet to understand.  Was convinced they could escape, if only they tried hard enough.

I have been disavowed of that notion.

She promised me as much, and She has kept every one of her promises.  I know that now. That no matter how I pound at these walls, there is truly no escaping Her. Not now, not ever. And that I soon may change into someone, something else.

I should be scared right now, I think.

I should be terrified.

But that is an unneeded emotion.  Fear is a harsh teacher, one necessary to guide our clumsy evolution.  It sang to the rapid beating of your heart: 'Respect that which you do not understand, and avoid that which hurts you.'

And though I still have yet to understand Her...I know She will not hurt me.  And I know that my fear would ultimately achieve little and less.

And so if fear and terror are unneeded, why not prune it way?  Why not excise it, so that the wound may heal?

Ah.

I see.

I suppose...I suppose I will change. 

And I suppose I am changing, even now.

And perhaps...

Perhaps I already am changed. 

Already different.  I tasted nectar and ambrosia, and now the bread and wine of mortal men is but ash and mud in my mouth.

For I am no longer in control.

(cw: hypnotic elements, feralbreaking)

I scowled at the affini, trying again to yank my hands out of the leather and rope bindings. No good; they were firmly attached to the O-ring on the ceiling, a thick line connecting from that down to my outstretched wrists. I couldn't move from the spot, as there was a similar setup keeping my feet in place as well.

"What, that all you got? Going to tire me out from standing all day and hope I'll break?" I rolled my eyes and growled, "I'll never break."

"Perhaps you would, or perhaps not." The affini smiled, resting her head in her palm as she watched my struggling. "Fortunate for you that this is merely the beginning of what I have in mind, then."

Next came a metal rod that spread my ankles wide, cold to the touch and jangling with every kick I attempted.

"But not just to break you."

Then came her claws, cleanly and efficiently tearing through cloth as easily as air. I shivered as the air hit skin, and felt my face warm as she stopped once more to gaze at me.

"I want to show you how it feels to love me."

Yet still, she wasn't done.

A pair of strange cups that attached to my nipples.

A strange harness of rope, worn around my waist and thighs. A strange tool was attached, the tennis ball-sized head pressed directly against my...well.

A blindfold, leather on one side and soft smooth fabric on the other, cutting off any trace of light as it perfectly sat on my face.

Several injections from her vines, each one a slight prick of pain.

And finally...a thick pair of headphones, snuggly covering my ears.

There was a soft *click*, and then her voice came through.

"Now I have you where I want you. Well....almost. In a moment, I am going to leave you, but I will be turning on a few of the devices. You'll figure out the rest soon enough."

"I...what?" I was rewarded for my question with a stinging pinch on my nipples, causing me to suck in air through clenched teeth.

"That stung!" Another pinch, sharper this time.

"Welcome, petal. Are you ready for your maintenance?"

I stayed silent.

"Good! Why don't we get started, then.

"Your name is toy."

I clenched my teeth and hissed, "Fuck you."

Pinch. "Your name is toy."

I scowled. It pinched me again when I didn't respond.

"Your name is toy."

"Go fuck yourse-OW!" It was much harder this time, enough to have me twist in pain. The drugs she had given me had only multiplied my sensitivity, and even these pinches were already driving me insane.

"Your name is toy." Pinch.

"Your name is toy." Pinch.

"Your name is toy." Twist.

"ALL RIGHT, FINE!" I bellowed out, unable to keep going. Anything to stop the pain.

Silence for a beat, a moment. Then, "Your name is toy."

"My..." I swallowed, wishing I was anywhere but here. I breathed, "My name is...toy."

"Good toy." The vibrator increased in intensity, pulses of pure pleasure spiking up my spine and knocking the breath out of me in whimpers and whines. It felt too good, it felt too good.

The burst continued for a few more seconds, then lowered to a barely more reasonable level. I thrashed, trying to escape, trying to do anything, but-

"Your full name is toy Lysilla, Third Floret."

I felt it. I felt the urge to just agree. I didn't want to feel the pain again. I knew it wouldn't stop until I gave in, now.

I still remained silent.

The next pinch on my nipples tore a white-hot scream from my lips, the searing pain causing my legs to give out, hanging limply from my wrists.

"Your full name is toy Lysilla, Third Floret."

"My f-full name...oh, god...my full name is toy Lysilla, Third...Floret." I felt pinpricks of tears soak into the fabric of the blindfold at the words. I almost didn't realize I was saying them.

"Good toy."

The pleasure rushed back in a flood, the pinching and twisting on my nipples changing to soft kisses of cool soothing harmony. I moaned before I could stop myself.

"You are a toy." Why did her voice have to sound so...so nice?

"I'm a toy."

"Good toy. you are my toy." Why was she even doing this? I had nothing to tell her, nothing to offer.

"i am your toy." Fuck, I could feel my control slipping. I needed to...i needed...

"Good toy. A Good toy obeys."

"A Good toy obeys." i needed more. Stars help me, but i needed more pleasure. It felt far better than it had any right to be. my hips moved on their own, thrusting in time with the pulses.

"Good toy. A Good toy relaxes."

"A g...a....goodtoyrelaaxxx..."

"Good toy. A Good toy sinks deeper."

My mouth stopped moving, but I repeated the words in my head, and in doing so they were real. I sank like a stone, deeper and deeper down.

"Good toy. A Good toy loves its Owner."

A Good toy loves its Owner.

i felt it. i felt my heart leap at the idea of Her. Of Her smile. Of her voice. She was...She was everything.

"Good toy. A Good toy feels its love build."

It did. It grew and grew, swelling like a symphony, rising like a sunrise, Growing like an old oak tree. i needed more. Love was obedience and obedience was submission and submission was pleasure and i needed more, and so i loved Her more. my pleasure was my passion for Her.

"Good toy. A Good toy is molded to My will."

i loved to be molded by Her. How did She already know? She was just that Good. Good enough for a Good toy to love, which i did with the utmost fervor.

"Good toy. A Good toy..."

---

The headphones came off first. The harness second, and the nipple patches third.

She saved the blindfold for last. "Hello, toy."

i stared at her as one did a Goddess, as one did after seeing daylight after decades of darkness. my love for Her had blossomed, just as She had intended. She wanted it, and so it was. And it was Good.

"i love you, Miss Lysilla."

"Of course you do~" She leaned down, taking my head in her palms. i nuzzled into them contentedly.

"And toy? I want you to know that I love you too, for always and forever. More than anyone and anything else in the universe and beyond...