#putting down

God, this is tough for me right now.

I just learned that tomorrow I’m being picked up right after school because we’re going to put down my cat, Mikey. 

If you’ve been following my blog for the past month or so, you’ve probably heard of the issues he’s been having. He hasn’t been eating much at all for the past week, so we’ve decided to make the very hard decision to put him down. 

Out of all my cats, Mikey was probably my favorite. Mike and I had a rough start because when I was younger, I was stupid and I wasn’t exactly nice to him. But I’ve come back from that. He used to run anytime I came into the room because of what I had done to him. But, I worked with him and I was gentle and calm and eventually, I got to sit next to him. Next thing I know, he was walking across the room and hopping up onto the couch to sit on my lap. 

And now we have to put him down. 

I will never ever forget you, Mikey. You were the best cat I’ve ever had and I hope you are better on the other side. I love you with all my fucking heart.

To be honest, it’s just not that fun anymore at the moment and I am stuggling to find reasons to study. Also, it is kind of hard for me and so I get frustrated easily.

I think maybe if I focused on another language (maybe spanish, that would also help me understand french because they have some similarities) it would be easier to come back to it after a while. But also, I am a little conflicted about leaving it be, because I started learning it about two and a half years ago and it was the first language I studied all by myself and now it feels a little like losing an old friend after all that time.