#put downs

1. Degrading your self worth

It's common for verbal abusers to try to make you feel bad about yourself. Zrenchik says they may use statements such as: 

"You're worthless."

"You're an embarrassment."

"You are not important to me or anyone."

"You are disgusting."

"You're crazy."

They may say things like this to lower your self-worth, in hopes of keeping you trapped in an abusive relationship. "When you have low self-esteem, you are easier to control and will tolerate intolerable behavior," Zrenchik says.

2. Making you believe you're not liked by others

Zrenchik says verbal abuse is all about using power to control someone. If an abuser can keep you isolated from others, they'll have even more control and influence over you. 

They may criticize your words or behaviors, saying something like, "This is why no one likes you." This has the potential to put a greater distance between you and your loved ones, since your abuser's attempts may cause you to believe that you're unliked or unloved by others, says Zrenchik.

3. Manipulating you

An abuser may use manipulative statements to coerce or guilt you into doing something that you do otherwise, says Christie Kederian, licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice.

For example, they might say, "If you really loved me, you would stay home with me tonight instead of going out with your friends," or "If you really loved me, you would keep the details of our relationship private."

4. Any kind of name-calling

Zrenchik says name-calling is designed to harass or make fun of someone, so you can be sure when your partner is calling you these things, they're trying to put you down and hurt your self-esteem. 

If your partner calls you names like "dumb," "fat," "stupid," or any other type of insult, they are engaging in a primary form of verbal abuse, says Kederian. This is degrading to you and makes your partner feel more in control. 

5. Threatening to leave 

Verbal abusers may threaten to leave the relationship if things don't go exactly the way they want. 

For instance, a threat such as "If you don't do this, I'll leave you," can cause a victim to cater to the abuser's wishes. Threats and if/then statements are meant to scare the victim into staying with the abuser and under their control, Kederian says. 

6. Condescending comments and put-downs

An abuser might make snide, condescending remarks to put you down and try to make you feel bad about yourself so that you question your abilities and self-worth. 

For example, Kederian says they might tell you, "No wonder you can never get a promotion, you're always behind on your work and you can never get anything done." Again, this goes back to lowering your self-esteem so you're easier to control.

7. Gaslighting

A major tactic of verbal abusers is gaslighting, where an abuser says things that make you question reality and second guess yourself. 

Elizabeth Jarquin, a licenced marriage and family therapist in private practice and adjunct professor at Northcentral University, says a few types of gaslighting are:

When the abuser tries to convince you that your feelings or thoughts are wrong.

When the abuser straight up tells you that your emotions or feelings are wrong.

When the abuser undermines you, saying something like, "Are you sure? What you're saying doesn't sound true."

8. Ignoring you

An abuser may use their words (or no words at all) by either not acknowledging your existence, says Jarquin.  This is an attempt by the abuser to keep the power in their hands and cause you to feel belittled. 

A 2018 study found that this is a common method of emotional abuse. The majority of study participants (61%) said their romantic partner refused to talk to them in an attempt to punish or hurt them. 

9. Not letting you speak

A verbal abuser may not allow you to speak. "Essentially, they are not allowing the other person to communicate with them. By doing this, they are exerting control over the individual's voice," says Jarquin. 

When you don't even have a chance to say your piece or stand up for yourself, there is a clear power imbalance in the relationship.

10. Blaming you

Verbal abusers may blame you for their own toxic behavior. For example, Jarquin says an abuser might yell, "It's your fault I screamed at you. You pissed me off." This is because abusers often refuse to take ownership for their own actions.

11. Pushing you to hurt yourself

"There is no more dangerous and damaging act a verbal abuser can take than trying to push you to the point of self-harm or suicide. If your partner is telling you to harm yourself, this is a clear sign of danger," Zrenchik says. 

For example, they might explicitly say something like, "Why don't you just go kill yourself?" 

Ugh idk who you are but you’re such a good boyfriend. WOW.

I also have music that will confirm this message to whoever it’s for. Several songs actually. It’s been a minute since I received songs ⤵️ I couldn’t find a version without cuss words so yall forgive me. The video sends a message.

Whose man is this chilleeeeeee 🥰😍😌 does he have SINGLE GODLY male friends?

🤣🤣🤣

This reminds me of how kind Drake was to me in one of my dreams where he meal prepped for me to get better. ❤️‍🩹 I’ll never ever forget that 😇

PS. You know what they say “a dog is a man’s best friend” 🐶🐾 *me woofing* 🤣🤣

PPS. You know who comes to mind…. Alex Fine, Cassie’s Husband 😌💍🤠

Oh and someone’s LOVES the guitar 🎸 oh yessssss babes. Music heals.

I forgot to mention Kat Von D as well and look 👀

They do not speak against you, because that would be dealing directly; they deal indirectly

You know, when you're in that spirit. it's always about the other person. Who's he putting down?

GOD

But that's the deception of gossip.

You see, his real intention, he knows he cannot destroy GOD, real intention is to destroy you.

Those who receive the gossip, are those who receive destruction in their spirits.