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It's never safe for a guy to pullout, ejaculate and then have sex again without protection. Withdrawal is not an effective form of birth control and can cause pregnancy (it typically fails one out of four times).
Sooo i'm a virgin and me and my boyfriend want to have sex but since you know sex ed at school literally tells you that the only eay to have safe sex is abstaining from it so it's hard to figure that stuff out, but i just wanted to know if we have sex and there's a possibility that the condom will break, if he pulls out before he comes does that make it less risky? (My family is very catholic so i wouldn't be able to get the pill or anything like so)
Let’s be clear: I hate abstinence only education. The reason it is horrible sex-ed is not because it’s bad advice, however. This is a shocker, but yes, if you don’t have sex - spoiler - you are less likely to find yourself in sexually complicated situations. It is almost impossible to have a baby or get an STI if you are abstinent.
The problem here is that most abstinence only sex-ed classes are not taught because it is the best method. They are taught because the governments in charge of these programs are puritanical and based off of a largely Christian ideology that people should not practice sinful activities, primarily sticking all the pee-pees in the vajayjays. There’s nothing wrong with people being religious or having beliefs - but it should be remembered that not everyone shares them, and it is ethically sound to make sure everyone is happy. The mere concept of people trying to shove their views down other peoples throats is obnoxious at the best, and nauseating at the worst, and there is something hugely ethically wrong with sectarian governmental bodies forcing people into a system of education that may not align with everyone’s world views.Â
That is a problem. But the bigger problem is that abstinence only sex-ed DOES NOT WORK. Like, mathematically, it doesn’t work. Places with abstinent only sex-ed experience higher rates of teen pregnancy, higher rates of sexually transmitted disease, and higher rates of consensual mishaps.
Why? Because it’s nice to tell people don’t do something if it will hurt them. But that’s not how the world works. It assumes that people simply won’t do the thing, and sex isn’t this magical thing you can construct a barrier around. People have sex, it’s just reality. And if you find yourself in a sexual situation, would you rather know what you’re doing (EVEN IF THE THING IS SUPER GROSS AND EVIL AND YOU’LL GO TO HELL OMG), or would you rather go in blind and have no idea how anyhting works and make countless mistakes that increase your odds of hurting yourself through simple ignorance?Â
Educate. Simple as that. The reason I give so much sexual advice is because so much sucky sexual advice is given to our youth every day. Learn about sex, then share that knowledge with your friends. The more we all know, together, the more we can stay safe AND enjoy ourselves. Now onto the questions.Â
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Is there a possibility that your condom will break during sex? Yes. Yes yes yes. There is always a possibility. The biggest culprit of broken condoms is friction, and there are a lot of things that could cause friction during sex.Â
How to avoid it? If the girl is not sufficiently turned on, and her vagina is not at least reasonably wet, it also means it’s not lubricated. This will cause chafing for both of you (not fun), but also cause chafing on the latex of the condom. It can only handle so much abuse! Do some foreplay before you get busy during sex, and make sure you both are sufficiently aroused before diving straight into the big deal.Â
OR you can use lube! Lubricants can make everything sleek and slimy down there, perfect for good feeling sexytime. It can help if one person isn’t too wet for some reason, and it can make everything feel better in general.Â
However, lube is the second biggest culprit, because not all lubes are created equal. Only water-based or silicon-based lubes work with latex condoms. When buying lube, read the package and make 100% sure it works with latex condoms. If you’re not sure, ask someone. What you really want to avoid is oil based lubes. The oil in these break down the latex material - not good. Also, if you’re not using the standard latex condom, double check what lubes are appropriate for that style of condom to make absolutely sure any lube you may or may not use will damage the condom.Â
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The heart of the question: if he pulls out, does it help? YES.Â
Does it remove the risk? NO. Absolutely not.Â
The idea here is pretty simple: sperm makes babies. Sperm is in the ejaculate/cum that the boy makes when he orgasms. If ejaculate is in vagina, higher chance of baby. So logically, making sure none of that cum ends up in the vagina means less chance of baby, right?Â
Yes! And don’t listen to what people tell you otherwise: the pullout method DOES work. But hold on, I see you unzipping your pants already, and we’re not done here. The pullout method DOES work, but IT IS NOT BIRTH CONTROL. At least not good birth control.Â
If I told you that I had a gun to your head, you would naturally want to move out of the way of the bullet, correct? Does that guarantee I won’t still shoot you? No. But if you do jump out of the way, it definitely increases your chances of survival.Â
Cum in the vagina is bad news. But if the guy pulls out before he cums, that’s better news than bad news. It means less sperm to make a baby. Less, but not “none.” All men generate precum as a lubricant from their penis to help those little spermies and all that cum to get out in the first place. This precum is often transluscent, the man has no idea when it’s leaving his penis, cannot control it, AND you’ll have no idea during a heated moment like sex. Furthermore, precum has a high chance of carrying live sperm in it. That means at any point, even before the guy has cum, sperm could be in the woman’s body. It’s not worth the risk to go in without protection.Â
This is further complicated by condom breaking. The reality is, most people don’t know when the condom has broken. If it’s a really bad tear, maybe they’re feel it, assuming they aren’t having lots of fun with all the other feelings that happen during sex. This also assumes that the break will always be bad. Even the tiniest rip in the condom can be enough to let sperm into the vagina. Sure, he can pull out if he feels the condom break, but by that point it’s probably already too late.Â
Even worse is trusting the pullout method. Yes, it works well, but only when practiced right. And let’s be real, most peoples screw up. It takes a lot of training and maturity to understand your body enough to pull out on time. One rush of feeling, or one mistimed action, or just getting too caught up in the moment, or an accident, and boom, cum in the vag because he didn’t pull out early. It’s a good back up plan for a guy to cum outside of the vagina, but you definitely should rely on it.
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Focus on finding the right condom and having normal, aroused sex. Always check the condom for rippage before you use it, always roll it out properly, always follow the directions and leave room at the tip for cum to go to, and never reuse condoms. Safe sex means following the safest manner. And google is a thing.
If you want quick, immediate, and useful advice all about condoms, I have a few suggestions. I recommend Sexplanations’ video on condoms. It literally tells you all there is to know, including how to open the package, how to put it on the penis, how to find a properly sized condom for the dude no matter how big he is, alternatives to normal condoms, and an active demonstration of what happens when you put oil lubes on latex condoms (spoiler alert: POP).
There’s also Laci Green’s video on different types of condoms, which can help you pick the right type, and is a wealth of information. There’s also her video on the necessity of wearing a condom, mostly with a slant toward sexual health and avoiding disease.Â
Finally, both lovely ladies have videos on the pullout method. Both are super educational. If you want something more casually, with a fellow teen who’s speaking chill, go for Laci Green’s video right here. Want something more directly educational and scientific? Go with Sexplanation’s video right here.Â
