#ptsd reader

Series Warnings: Past Toxic Relationship, Manipulative Ex, Mentions of Past Rape, Mental Health, Discrimination against the Mentally Ill/Neroudivergent, Traumatized Reader, Abusive Parents, Mentions of deceased family members, Stalking, Suicide, Reader doesn't handle men touching her well, Mentions of Sex, Bad Caretakers, Implied Non-Scottish Reader, Implied Short Reader, Campbell Bain's Dad is Terrible

Chapter Warnings: Reader refuses to speak; Loving Campbell Bain, Traumatized Reader, Selectively Mute Reader, PTSD Reader, Psychogenic Mute Reader, Traumatic Mute Reader, Manic Depressant Campbell Bain, Bipolar Campbell Bain, Schizophrenic Furgus, OCD Rosalie, Reader Developed Selective Mutism as a Coping Mechanism, Reader may have an intense type of anxiety caused by trauma, Reader is implied to not be Scottish or at least from Scotland (I am American but just add where you're from), Reader is implied to be shorter than the six-foot Campbell Bain

“You are a mystery to me, yet so familiar. Like a song I’ve never heard before, and a tune I’ve known my entire life.”

Y/N hadn't spoken a word since she was eighteen and long before that something had changed. Her parents finally decided enough was enough and sent her to Saint Jude's hospital in Glasgow.

Campbell had literally crashed into the new girl during his excitement at hearing that the Saint Jude's radio station would be reopened.

The girl screamed as he collided with her and she started screaming and kicking due to his body weight on her.

"Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." He said, hurriedly, getting off of her and holding a hand out to help her up but she just stared at him, terrified, "I'm sorry. Uh..." He realized he didn't recognize her, as far as he knew he was the youngest patient at Saint Jude's and this girl was around his age. This was exciting! "Are you new? I'm Campbell Bain, I'll be the bane of your life until one of us is discharged." He chortled at his own joke before he realized she was still of the floor, "Oh, let me help you up." He crouched down and took her hand, helped her up.

She stared at him with a confused look on her face but she didn't pull her hand away yet more out of shock than anything. Campbell offered her a smile before she ripped her hand out of his grip and ran off, leaving Campbell very confused.

He asked the nurses about the girl but none would give him proper answers, until he got to Stuart the orderlie, who should've been a patient instead but... you know, life.

"She's a looney." He said, blankly.

"Ai, yes. Yes. Yes. I know that much but what's her name? What's her deal?" Campbell prodded.

"Y/N." Was all he said.

--

A few days later, Eddie McKenna arrived to be the DJ for Saint Jude's, with assumption that he'd be able to tell the difference between the staff and the patients.

He had an interaction with Stuart and assumed he was a patient but found out that he was a nursing assistant. Well, that couldn't be good.

Then he met Campbell, who seemed perfectly friendly and nice before realizing he was a patient himself.

Campbell and Y/N were on better terms, now that she had stopped bolting on the other direction when he tried to talk to her. And they listened to Eddie's show as Y/N read Narnia.

Soon after the show, Eddie heard Campbell playing and singing, Summertime Blues on his guitar which was only slightly out of tune, which Eddie had played on his show. He saw Y/N correcting Campbell's finger placement on the guitar as he whined that it hurt his hand.

Campbell enthusiastically praised Eddie and explained on his poor timing and the patient’s dependence of television.

Y/N caught sight of something moving outside the window and she threw a guitar pick at Campbell, making him pout in her direction before seeing her pointing and they ran to window as he said, “Hang on, you’re not boring me or that, but I’ve just seen a friend of mine flying past the window.”

Y/N and Campbell leaned out the window to see the hospital’s Schizophrenic who despite the schtick his disorder stereotyped him as he was just the most gentle soul you’d ever meet, if a little eccentric, grappling down the side of the building.

“Fergus! What’re you doing!?” Campbell shouted after him as Eddie joined them, “you’re gonna hurt yourself!”

“Shall I get a nurse?” Eddie asked and Y/N shook her head.

“Fergus! You’re gonna miss your cocoa, you know!”

“I know.” Fergus told him.

“Can Y/N and I have it, then?” He asked.

“Help yourselves.” He told them.

“He’s escaping.” Eddie said, surprised how calm both of them were being so calm about this

“He’ll be knocking on the door in an hour or so. He always does.” Campbell reassured Eddie, “annoys the hell out of the staff but makes this one smile.” He nodded at Y/N as she sat on Campbell’s bed with his guitar, the look of fascination in Campbell's eyes was not lost on Eddie.

Campbell returned to his enthusiastic and impulsive idea-planning, the first being to bring up a story when a student nurse accidently gave everyone in the ward a laxative, making Eddie and Y/N look at him oddly and the only problem he saw with it was where he’d get that many laxatives.

“What about a request show?” He asked Eddie.

“I already thought of that. I haven’t enough records.” Eddie shot down that idea… well, he’s never disagreed with Campbell Bain before.

“So?”

“So? When folk request something, they usually like to be able to play it.”

“We just make them keep requesting until they hit something we actually have.” Campbell said, “‘if you can guess a record that we actually have in our library, then we will play it for you with a special dedication’.” He did a playful punch in the air, “who could resist?”

“It’ll never work.”

Y/N who had been playing with Campbell’s guitar, then played a jingly tune.

“You’re right, Y/N!” He declared, enthusiastically with an enthusiastic pointed finger at her and then he ran his hand through his light auburn-brown floppy hair, “We’ll need some jingles.” Y/N looked up when Campbell sang a jingle, “Hospital radio, Saint Juuuuude’s.” He smiled at Eddie, “that sort of thing.”

“You need singers to record jingles.”

Campbell picked up his guitar from Y/N and sat next to her, “and what exactly is sitting here before you?”

“A lunatic!” Eddie declared, making Y/N softly giggle.

“Aye, a singing lunatic!” Campbell agreed, enthusiastically. “We could record them in the station, aye?”

“Aye…” Eddie submitted.

“Brilliant!” Campbell exclaimed, going back to Eddie, “Now give me the key.” He held out his hand.

“What key?” Eddie asked.

“To the station.” Campbell said and ran to the door, looking out, “look, I’ve gotta start. Writing the jingles, rehearsing the singers, cataloging the albums.”

Eddie looked at Y/N as she looked back down and realized he hadn’t gotten her name, having been distracted Campbell’s… Campbell-ness and Fergus escaping. “Uh, ma’am… what’s your name again?” Eddie asked, making Y/N look up from a piece of paper she was now writing on, she gave him with a blank deadpan look at being called “ma’am”. She was only eighteen.

“That’s Y/N.” Campbell said.

“What’s your favorite album?” Nothing. She just looked at him, “can you sing?” She blinked twice and he turned back to Campbell, “what’s wrong with her?”

“Oh, she doesn’t speak. She hasn’t said a word since she got here.” Campbell said, “and there’s nothing wrong with her, she’s just looney like me!”

Eddie walked closer to him and asked as gently as he could, “Campbell, how exactly are you here?”

Campbell paused in which he faltered, knowing how his own father felt about his disorder before smiling, “Can you not guess? I’m manic.” Y/N looked up and smiled at him, making his eyes dart to her and a more genuine smile appeared on his lips before he reassured Eddie, “but don’t worry. The drugs I take make me completely stable. Except for headaches, of course.” He blinked in pain as he focused back on the painful headaches and he squeezed his eyes shut before blindly grabbing onto Eddie’s shirt who could sense a scene coming up as could Y/N who looked up to be amused by Campbell, “I get these headaches. I just comes over me and I cannae…” He flopped on his bed, next to Y/N and shouted out in pain, “ah, the bells! The bells!”

Y/N reached over and went to place her hand on Campbell’s back before stopping, hesitating to do so, not sure if they were close enough or if she wanted to admit that they were close enough and then suddenly Campbell’s mood shifted back to near manic and he shot himself up to look at Eddie, making Y/N pull her hand away, blinking briefly in surprise, “And I want my own show, by the way.”

“What?” Eddie asked.

“Well, after all this work, I think it’s only fair, don’t you?” He questioned.

“Campbell, I cannae just give you your own show.” Eddie protested, “you need training on the equipment.”

“So? Train me!” Campbell pleaded, eagerly. “I’ll take Friday nights.”

“Will that not clash with Brookside?” Eddie questioned.

Y/N looked at the window where they had gone to to shout after Fergus.

—

The next day, Campbell and Eddie were in the common room with Eddie standing shyly while Campbell did the opposite and shouted through a party megaphone while Y/N sat with Fergus, writing down something for him to read. “Ladies and gentlemen, I have an important announcement to make!” He spotted Fergus and Y/N and narrowed his eyes, “Fergus, stop flirting with Y/N.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and went to the couch rather bored now and put her headphones on.

Campbell and Eddie had announced the request show, while admitting that they had limited records. Eddie went to talk to Nana while Campbell stared at Y/N, feeling nervous to approach her since he worried she hated him with how scared she got when he interacted with her.

Then Fergus clapped him on the back, making him stumble and look at him, unamused before approaching the silent H/C-haired girl.

"Hey, Y/N," Campbell said, kindly, walking up to the silent girl but she didn't seem to hear him as she was listening to her Walkman. He tapped her shoulder, making her jump and stare at him with wide eyes just as she had when they first met. He gestured to her headphones, silently asking if he could take them off and she slowly nodded and he gently slid them off and could vaguely hear Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover by Sophie B. Hawkins.

"Hey, we're doing a request show. You have any requests?"

She looked at him for a good while before getting up and leaving. Campbell frowned and his spirits were diminished before leaning forward and face planting his face into the couch cushion, groaning.

—

Campbell showed Eddie the radio station now cleaned and useable thanks to him, Y/N, and Rosalie and as he left Eddie questioned Campbell about Nana and Campbell answered in his own hyperactive way before Eddie questioned him about his obvious crush on Y/N.

“The silent girl, uh… M/Y/N.” (Mispronunciation of Your Name)

“Y/N.” Campbell corrected, automatically in a slightly defensive tone.

“Is she your girlfriend?”

Campbell’s cheeks burned as they reddened and his heartrate quickened, “No. No. No. She’s new actually. Been here about a week. She… she’s a mystery.” He gave out a dreamy smile, “One I’d like to solve but…” He shrugged like, what can you do? —

Campbell was snoring when he was awoken by a friendly smack in the head. He woke up, groaning with confusion before turning on his light, illuminating Y/N who smile sweetly at him as she held something behind her back.

"Jesus, Y/N." He groaned, "what you do that for?" She just looked at him and he nodded, remembering who je was talking to, "right. Uh, what is it?"

Y/N brought a custom record sleeve out from behind her back and he slowly began to realize what she was trying tell him.

"Oh, you want me to play one of these songs during the show tomorrow, er… today?" He asked.

She nodded and sat on the edge of his bed, making him kick around spazzily and awkwardly before sitting up, trying to make room for her as his heart pounded and he looked down at her, feeling her body heat up against his but forced himself not to think about that as it was a bit of a creepy thought to have at two in the morning as she showed him the songs on the back of the vinyl which was also handmade, she pointed at the first song: a cover of The Velvet Underground's Sweet Jane by Cowboy Junkies.

"Is that your favorite song?" He asked and she nodded. "Wait, these are all from different bands, how'd you get this?"

She pointed to herself, "you made it?" He gathered, "Who made the record?" She pointed to herself again and he just smiled at her impressed and enamored by her. "You are one mystery, Y/N L/N. You may be my favorite mystery.”

She smiled, telling him that she liked the idea of being a mystery to him and kissed his cheek, near the corner of his lip, nearly making him melt with a loud dreamy sigh before running off. He looked after he with a starstruck look of awe on his face before flopping back on his pillow, groaning.

—

The next day, Y/N shared a smile with Fergus before listening in on the radio to the show, standing and watching Campbell through the window.

“Good evening! This is Ready Eddie.” Eddie introduced, “and on my left is my right-hand man…”

“Campbell Bain.” Campbell introduced, not seeing Y/N watching him and the smile on her lips.

“And you’re listening to the first ever Ready Eddie Radio Request Road Show.” He gave Campbell a thumbs up and the nineteen-year-old pushed a button, making a jingle play.

“Ready Eddie’s road show. Ready, Eddie, go.”

“That’s right. This is the premiere. This is the first. And you can tell everyone that you were there. You heard it! You saw it!” Campbell said, enthusiastically before joking, “And they’ll tell you, it’s all part of your illness.”

Y/N giggled at his antics before realizing this and she zipped her leather jacket up over her shirt with the sarcastic quote on it.

“We’re playing requests from Ward Eleven this evening. This one is for Francine. I hope you’re listening, Francine.”

Campbell then teased, “I hope anyone’s listening.” He then saw Y/N watching him and let out an audible smile that melted his insides.

“Is anybody listening?” Eddie asked, “Is anybody out there?”

Then Help! By the Beatles started to play and soon the patients came out and Campbell ran out of the station to dance with some patients before more came out, including Fergus. He gave Y/N a smile and thumbs up as he flashed the part of the television he had removed.

Campbell ran back to Eddie and pulled his earphone off so he could talk to him, “the television’s broken, Eddie! There is a God!”

Eddie nodded in the direction of Y/N and Campbell’s face lit up and he ran to Y/N and taking her hands, trying to ease her into dancing. She shook her head before starting to shuffle awkwardly to the music before Campbell took her hands and pulled her against him so she danced with him to the beat of the music. She then giggled up against him and he smiled, triumphally.

He was about to comment on how beautiful her laugh when there was a BANG! And the music stopped, making them all exclaim in disappointment before Campbell and Y/N ran back to the station to see what was wrong.

“What’s wrong?”

“The mixing desk.” Eddie said, trying to fix it with his limited knowledge.

“Do something!” Campbell exclaimed.

“What can I do? I can’t even turn on the bathroom light without shocking myself.” Eddie remarked.

“Well, check the plug. Maybe it’s the fuse.” Campbell suggested as Y/N looked up at Fergus and gestured for him to come.

“It’s not the fuse.” Eddie sighed.

Campbell ran his hand through his floppy hair, “I cannae believe this. I’ve just had the world’s shortest career as a disk jockey.”

Fergus took out a screwdriver and headed inside to help and started to unscrew the screws of the mixing desk.

“Fergus, what are you doing?” Campbell asked.

“I’ll just have a look.” Fergus reassure him.

“No, don’t!” Eddie shouted, “don’t have a look there.”

Y/N helped Fergus lift the plate of the mixing desk as Eddie continued to try and stop Fergus and Y/N, “Fergus, Y/N, I’m asking you. Please, leave it alone”

“He’s gonna blow it up.” A patient said.

“He’s not!” Campbell protested.

“I think I know what the problem is.” Fergus told Eddie.

“He’s blowing it up.” Another patient said and the others started to chant Fergus’ name.

“Fergus, don’t, okay!? Just leave it alone. It’s all we’ve got.” Eddie pleaded and Y/N smacked Eddie’s shoulder when Stuart literally pushed her out of the way, making her squeak and stumble before Campbell caught her and glared at Stuart.

“Oi, watch where you’re going!” He shouted.

Stuart aggressively grabbed Fergus holding him in a near chokehold and Y/N tried to go forth to help but Campbell held her back, knowing she’d just be pushed away again, if not sedated.

“He’s not causing trouble, is he?” He asked Eddie and Y/N shook her head, frantically at Eddie.

“No, he’s just helping me, get the mixing desk going again.” Eddie muttered.

“Him? He couldn’t get his brain going again.” Stuart spat and Y/N scoffed, implying that she felt that better described Stuart than Fergus.

“Leave it, Stuart.” Isabella, the more kind nurse said, “it’s all over.”

Stuart let Fergus go and sulked out of the room, clearly upset that he didn’t get to hurt someone as Y/N gave him the middle finger.

Fergus closed the plate of the mixing desk and Y/N flipped the switch, making the light come back on.

“You two are geniuses.” Campbell gasped.

Y/N shook her head and pointed at Fergus like, no, he’s the genius.

“YOU’RE GENIUSES!” Campbell shouted and he slammed the door shut and got back to the microphone, “Sorry about the technical problems, folks. We’re now back on the air and we hope to keep it that way. Our next request is for Y/N and dedicated to her by me.” He chortled as he looked at her and clicked his tongue as he winked.

The cover of Sweet Jane played, making Y/N smile as Eddie looked at Fergus, giving him an apologetic and thankful smile as Fergus perpetually scowled before his lips curved into a gentle smile.

Later, Y/N helped Campbell clean up the hallways before they bumped into each other.

“Uh… so how did you know how to help Fergus?” He asked.

She took out her wad of paper and wrote: Learned. Taught.

He nodded, taking what he could get, “I always knew you were smart.” He said, honestly and he hesitated before leaning towards her to kiss her cheek like she had done the night, she shifted, conflicted as she could see the pure gentless in Campbell's personality, in his actions, in his eyes, and she could feel it in his cheek kiss. He had hesitated, not wanting to overstep boundaries and he was still nervous about his decision but before she could react Eddie ran out of the room, making them break apart and move out of the way before he rammed into them.

Chapter 2: Nightmares & New Horizons

Ichijiku (Tigress)

Sometimes lullabies keep the nightmares away and sometimes Kigai sings them to me in my dreams. Life hasn’t been the same since he’s been locked up. It’s a far cry better, but an adjustment. Still, it feels good to stretch my legs and breathe again.

As days stretch into weeks, I find Hizashi again. He’s sitting on a bench outside the arcade with that huge smile stretched wide, hands behind his head, and head bopping to the beat of his headphones. When I tap him and he opens his eyes, he lights up.

“Ichijiku! Wow, hey!” He immediately gets up and makes like he’s going to hug me, then seems to think better of it and puts his hands in his pockets. “How’ve you been?”

I still find myself glancing around in public to keep a periphery watch out for Kigai, and I can’t stop myself now. The feeling of dread he imparted on me hasn’t left, it’s merely fading into the background. “I’ve been…it’s been a lot of work, you know, trying to move on. But, I think I’m doing okay.” I want to be optimistic about the whole endeavor. My therapist says that’s what’s helped me survive this long: the hope of a better horizon. I want to keep that part of me alive and prove Kigai was wrong about everything.

I want to prove that to myself too.

“How are you?”

“Well, I…I’ve actually been thinking a lot about you.” He admits sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “See, a lot of times we can’t get solid evidence on people like…your ex.” He’s very careful not to say his name. I can’t tell whether I’m grateful for it or not yet. I don’t want to be afraid of him anymore. Wounds take time to heal, Little One. “So they frequently get back out because of how well they hide the damage they’ve dealt.” It’s the first time his smile hasn’t fully reached his eyes as he looks at me, but it’s back in place soon enough. “But I’m glad to see that you’re still on your own and thriving! I mean, look at that outfit! Those curly locks and those sparkling eyes! You’ve made a lot of progress since I last saw you.”

“That means a lot, Hizashi.” A real smile graces my lips. How different he is from Kigai. If it weren’t for people like him…I’d still be stuck in hell. “Hey, why don’t I grab your number? I can keep you updated on things. And I’ll need a friend for certain assignments given to me by my therapist. I don’t really have anyone to keep me accountable for the hard tasks.” Worry and guilt suddenly swirl in my stomach and I stop pulling out my phone midway. “I-I mean. That’s a lot to burden you with, I’m sorry. I should have asked and not offered–”

“Hey, no sweat!” Hizashi looks like Christmas came early. He pulls out his phone, presses the new contact button and taps it against my phone peeking out of my pocket. “I imagine finding new friends…learning what feels like a whole new way of life…that has to be difficult. I’ll gladly help you out when times are rough!” 

“Thanks.” I sigh in relief as I look at the contact number and picture now synced to my phone. I snort. “What is this picture?”

“That’s my best friend’s cat, Cloud! He…got a little too enthusiastic about hogging the camera while I was taking a profile pic.” He laughs.

“It’s adorable!” A notification pops up and I start walking away, giving him a wave. “Oh! Got an appointment, gotta run!” 

“I’ll see you later!”

. . . . .

 Hey, Zashi, Kigai isn’t staring at me from the hallway, is he? I take a picture of the ghost in my hall, frozen with fear as tears glisten on my cheeks. “I’m sorry, Kigai, please go away.” 

His eyes bore into mine. You know the consequences for disobeying me, bitch. You weren’t supposed to tell anyone! I can smell the eucalyptus on his shirt and the minty tang of his gum. “Please, Kigai, I’m sorry…” I whimper, scooting around while feeling for the door to my bedroom. He’s going to hit me. He’s going to punish me so bad! Get away from him, Cub. Get a door between the two of you and lock it.

My phone rings and I bolt. I slam my door behind me and lock it. I search for the first thing I can to put between me and Kigai and start heaving my dresser in front of the door. Then I rush into the adjoining bathroom, lock the door, and hop in the tub, pulling the shower curtain. 

I finally answer the phone. “Zashi?” I choke out. “Zashi, he’s here. I need help.”

“Hey, Ichan, hey. I saw the picture. Kigai’s not there.” Hizashi’s voice swirls in the background. “Take a few deep breaths.”

My body jolts as I hear his voice screaming through the door. You know better than to run from me, whore! “Zashi, he’s trying to get through! He keeps yelling at me, please help…” I sob, clutching my phone close to my ear and clenching my eyes shut tight. “Stop, stop, stop…please, stop, I’m sorry…” I pant, peeking out from the shower curtain and feeling grateful Kigai hasn’t made it through the barriers I’ve set between us.

“Ichan, you’re having a flashback.” Hizashi coos through the receiver. “I need you to take a few good deep breaths for me. Tell me what you see.”

I try to listen. I really do. I suck in a heavy breath through my lips and grip the lip of the bathtub so hard my knuckles turn white. My chest aches on the exhale and I shove my free palm into my eye so hard I see spots. 

“What do you see, Ichan?”

I swallow and pull back, opening my eyes as my body trembles.

“Th-There’s,” You better open this goddamn door, brat! “Th-There’s my shower curtain…and…” Who the hell are you talking to?! 

“What’s on the shower curtain?” 

“Zashi, if he finds out I’m talking to you, he’ll hurt you.” I whimper. I’m scared to hang up the phone and face punishment. I’m scared to keep talking and watch Kigai hunt Hizashi down.

“Ichijiku, what’s on the shower curtain?”

“There’s seashells.” After all I’ve fucking done for you.

“What kind of seashells? What colors?”

“There’s a light pink…and lavender…blue…” I once again peek out the curtain.

And I promptly let out a shriek and throw my phone across the bathroom. What the fuck are you doing in the bathtub hiding from me?! “I’m sorry!” I cry, curling up against the porcelain and covering my head. Rough fingers grip my arm and I hear his voice growling in my ear. You know who you belong to, don’t you? Why the fuck are you letting those nobodies look at you like that?! Pain bleeds through my back as I try to placate him. “Please, Kigai, they didn’t mean it. Please stop.” I’ll stop when you know no one else’s body but mine. His hands grip my thighs and dread settles in my bones.

I don’t know how long he spends growling obscenities in my ear and raking his fingers over every surface of skin he can touch. But I know I hear the door open and my whole body clenches. No. If someone comes in here Kigai’s going to kill them! 

“Ichijiku?” Hizashi’s voice echoes in the bathroom. “It’s me. It’s Hizashi.” 

You know this sleaze just wants to take advantage of you while you’re vulnerable, yeah? You belong to me! I whimper and try to draw air in my lungs. “Zashi, run!” I beg.

“Ichan, take a deep breath.” He says on the other side of the curtain. “Take a big, deep breath. You’re safe. Kigai’s not here.” You fucking whore!

I choke on the oxygen I’m trying to take in but dammit I breathe. I inhale and I exhale. Kigai’s hands tilt back and forth between feeling ghostly and real. I inhale and I exhale. “Zashi, you have to run…” I whimper.

“You’re safe, Ichan.” The warmth in his voice starts wrapping around me again. “Kigai’s not here. You’re safe.”

I inhale and I exhale. I slowly uncurl from my ball when I no longer feel Kigai’s hands roaming my body. I inhale and I exhale. The smell of eucalyptus and mint fades into the rusty smell of the tub. The sound of my air freshener spraying out apple cinnamon seems to emphasize the dismissal of his scent all around me. I inhale and I exhale.

I slowly rise in the tub and ease the shower curtain back.

Sitting against the bathroom wall, Hizashi looks at me with glistening, patient eyes. My phone still sits on the floor right beside him. When he notices I’m looking, he makes a big show of taking a deep breath in, and a deep breath out.

I inhale and I exhale as I sluggishly crawl out of the tub.

“Zashi?” I breathe, looking warily around the bathroom. I creep towards the door, open it, and then hop back out of view. I look in the mirror to see if anyone’s in my room, but it’s empty. “Is he gone?” 

“You’re safe, Ichan.” Hizashi says, looking up at me. “Kigai’s not here.” 

“You’re sure he’s gone?” I whimper, creeping to the doorframe and eyeing every crack and crevice that might be out of place. Nothing has moved except the dresser. “Did you move the dresser?” I ask frantically.

“Take a deep breath, Ichan.” He tells me, and I inhale and I exhale. I listen, and he starts slowly standing up, grabbing my phone along the way. “I picked the lock when I heard you scream. I had to shove the dresser back with the door to get in. I wanted to make sure you were safe, and you are. You’re safe, Ichan. Kigai’s not here.”

Security blankets me and as my pulse evens out, a heavy wave of exhaustion washes over me. My eyelids are harder to hold open and my shoulders sag. He’s not here. He never was. It was a flashback, just like he said. You’re strong, Little Cub. We made it through another flashback. It’s going to be okay. We’re safe now.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” Hizashi asks. “Give you a hug? I don’t want to frighten you.”

I survey my emotions and analyze how I’m feeling. When I’ve taken a few more deep breaths and feel more confident, I nod. 

Two, strong arms pull me into a warm chest. I hear the steady beating of Hizashi’s heart and close my eyes, drinking in the security that just being near him brings. I breathe in time with that strong beat of his heart. 

“You’re safe.” He whispers, and I squeeze him a little tighter. Please don’t leave. 

“I’m sorry.” A few of my tears decorate his shirt. “I didn’t mean to.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” He croons, rubbing up and down my back. “Flashbacks can be vivid. I’m just glad I was able to help. You don’t have to worry about him anymore, though. I’m here.” 

. . . . .

For the next few weeks, my therapist asks me to write down detailed accounts of my flashbacks so we can analyze my triggers and try to minimize them. It sucks, but writing them down helps us figure out that eucalyptus is in the Stress Relief pillow mist I use and causes most of my flashbacks at night. We also learn that I’m more sensitive to auditory triggers, like songs he used to play in the car or abrupt loud sounds.

It doesn’t happen every time, thankfully, which is good considering Hizashi’s been trying to help me acclimate to a normal life. He’s been taking me out to different places in the hopes of showing me the finer points of life. We’ve been to the arcade, had a picnic in the park, and he’s even taken me to a music store and serenaded me while playing the piano. I’ve also met a few of his friends: Nemuri, Shouta, and Oboro.

Both myself and my therapist are impressed with the amount of help he’s offered to my situation. We’re both cautiously optimistic, though. 

Kigai started out all sunshine and rainbows, too, after all. 

Which table are you at? I text Hizashi as I step into the hibachi restaurant. The heat of the room feels good as the impending winter sets in. I love cold weather. I look around for a pair of familiar orange sunglasses. 

Hey! The table in the far back. You won’t be able to see me from the front.

I start heading that way, and smile when his yellow eyes meet mine. I’ve never been more grateful to hear blissful silence accompanying a tender gaze.

“Hey, glad to see you found the place okay.” He hops up the second he sees me and pulls the chair out for me to have a seat. It’s been a while since I’ve been pampered by an actual gentleman. “This place has a great atmosphere, and the food is amazing!”

“Yeah, it’s really warm and vibrant.” I agree as I get situated in the chair and he pushes me in. I twirl a piece of hair around my finger nervously as I look around at the crowd of people at other tables. What if they’re watching me? Kigai will– He’s not here, Dear One.

“Look at me.” Hizashi says, staring across the table and drawing me in with his essence. “There you go. No need to worry. I’m here.”

“Thanks.” I chuckle nervously, still twirling my hair as a comfort. “What would you recommend from here?” 

“You’ve got to try the freckled lemonade. Unless you’re allergic to strawberries. Then, don’t.” Hizashi laughs, opening his menu. “But aside from that, the shrimp hibachi is killer! I’m salivating just thinking about it.”

I’ll grab the shrimp hibachi then, as it’s probably the simplest and one of the cheaper menu items. I wasn’t exactly left with a lot in my bank account to compensate for what Kigai took from me. I think with some financial anxiety. 

Once we’ve made our decisions and the waiter has taken our orders, there’s a group of girls that walk by laughing. One of them gives me some side-eye and I instantly start fussing with my outfit. I pull up the shoulders of my burnt orange blouse and adjust my cardigan. Fatass. You know if you ate less I might have fewer men looking at your thick curves.

“You look gorgeous.” Hizashi says, and I snap my head up with worry. He flushes and holds up his hands, waggling them nervously. “I-I mean, you seemed worried about those girls and I just wanted you to know that you didn’t have to fix up anything. They were probably just jealous that you look so good…I-I mean! Well…oh man…” He rubs his shoulder as he fumbles over his words.

“It’s okay, Zashi.” I also flush, but only because I don’t think I’m worthy of his flustered manner. “I’m probably just overreacting anyway. I can’t…seem to turn off my anxieties.”

“It’s to be expected. You’re doing great based on what you’ve gone through.” He reaches across the table and squeezes my hand, rubbing his thumb over the sensitive skin there. “You don’t have to be afraid around me.”

“I know.” I breathe, looking at our hands and feeling  a strange combination of terror and warmth. Am I afraid of how good he makes me feel? You’re afraid of getting close and getting hurt again. I don’t want to be afraid of Hizashi. 

“I’m sorry.” Hizashi pulls his hand back and gives me a smile. “I forget that touch is still hard for you. As I’m sure you know now, I’m a dramatic and expressive person. If I ever make you feel uncomfortable, please let me know.”

“You don’t.” I promise, looking up at him and instantly regretting the absence of his touch. “I’m…just scared.” I look down. “I’m scared of getting too close to you. I enjoy your company, but I’m afraid you’re too good to be true. I’m afraid you’ll either end up like Kigai or I’ll do something wrong and you’ll leave.” My eyes start watering.

The silence between us stretches on as we eat our food and Hizashi looks thoughtful over his next words. When he swallows a bite of rice, he opens his mouth to speak again.

“I can’t make you trust that I’m not like Kigai. That’s something I know will come with time. But I can do my best to reassure you that even if you do something to upset me, I’m willing to communicate with you and not just leave you.” He opens and closes his mouth a few more times before sighing. “I care about you too much as a friend to leave you without trying to save the relationship first.”

When the words as a friend cut to my heart, I understand why I’m so scared. I take a deep breath. I’m falling in love with him, and I’m scared. You’ve been hurt. You’re allowed to be afraid…but you’re also allowed to love again. I don’t know if I’m ready to love again. And that’s okay. You can take your time. But I don’t want to lose him, either. I don’t know if I’m ready to watch him find love with someone else, but I don’t know if I’m ready to claim him as my own. I’m too scared. Then tell him that. In those words. I can’t…

I fix my face into a smile. “Thank you, Zashi.”

For the rest of dinner, I stew over my thoughts while I laugh at Hizashi’s jokes and stories. Between the ambient atmosphere and his glowing presence, I feel full of optimism as he walks me home.

It’s while I’m digging for my keys at the door that he throws me for a loop.

“Hey, um, Ichijiku?” His voice shakes, which is unusual for him.

“Yes, Hizashi?” I turn, pulling my key ring from my purse. 

He takes a step forward until he’s close enough I can smell his cologne. 

“I know that you’re going through a lot right now, and I want you to know that I’m proud of you for pushing through.” At first, he seems ready to leave it at that, but he opens his mouth again and looks at me with pink cheeks. “So, I have no right to ask this given what you’ve already gone through, but is it okay if I kiss you?”

I hold my breath. My chest gets tight and my muscles seize. You belong to me, got it? “Hizashi…”

“If the answer is no, that’s okay.” He says quickly. “I’m not trying to force you into anything and I certainly don't want to bring up any unhappy memories for you. I just…couldn’t go any longer without seeing where you stood. I was scared if I waited too long, I might lose the opportunity.”

Why does that sound exactly like what I was thinking in the restaurant? How do I tell him that I love him but I’m not ready? Say exactly that. Once the ground beneath me stops swaying and the beat of my heart returns to normal, I look up at him.

“Zashi, the answer is no…but not because I don’t have feelings for you.” I watch as his eyes dim and light up again. “I don’t know if I’m ready to make that kind of commitment. I want to be. I wish I could tell you yes, but I can’t.” I reach up and caress his cheek. His hand wraps around mine as he leans into my hold, his expression akin to that of an adoring puppy. “And it’s not fair of me to want you this much and ask you to wait for me.” My voice gets tight. I want you to hold me and keep me close, but I’m afraid if I let you, you’ll choke me. And I’m not worth the wait. I’m not worth the work and the effort so I know you’ll walk away and I’m sorry. “So, you don’t have to wait for me. But if it’s any consolation, I think I have it in me to do this.” I lean up on my tiptoes, and place a tearful kiss on his cheek.

“I love you, Hizashi, even if you’re not meant to be mine.” I swallow thickly and turn away to unlock my door before disappearing inside.

. . . . .

Hey, Ichi, can we talk?

Ichan, are you there?

I’m going to grab frozen yogurt later, want to join?

I’m starting to worry about you. Can you at least tell me if you’re okay?

Ever since the night we’ve had dinner, Hizashi has still checked in on me regularly. I’ve been trying to distance myself in the hopes that by doing so, he’ll stop trying to reach out and move on with his life. 

He proves to be rather stubborn.

I’m sorry if I’ve worried you. I’m fine. I finally send, not wanting him to think I’m in any sort of trouble.

I’m glad to hear it! The response comes in seconds. Are you free?

That’s where I stop. I can’t entertain this. I’ve already told him that he’d have to wait for me, and I’m not worth the time. Shouldn’t he get to decide what’s worth his time? 

I hug my knees to my chest on the couch and stare out the window overlooking the city. Everything is colder now that winter’s hit. Frost paints the windowpane and people walk down the streets blowing smoke from their lips. The cold would be much more enjoyable if I had Hizashi’s warmth to complement it.

My jaw clenches as frustration mounts. I don’t want to push him away but… Then why are you? Isn’t this how it’s supposed to be? Shouldn’t I be proud of myself for communicating my needs clearly? My therapist is certainly proud I’ve set boundaries and worked on coping skills. With all of this handled, we’ve been able to work on how to respond to my flashback triggers and implement strategies to work through them. 

But even she thinks I’ve been a little extreme cutting all communication with Hizashi. 

Yeah, I’m free. I send the text before I can talk myself out of it and then pull my blanket around myself to hide from whatever might follow.

A knock sounds at my door. I peek out from under my blanket as my breath catches.

“Who is it?” I call.

“The one! The only! Hizashi Yamadaaaaaaaa!”

One voice. One voice and spring blossoms in my veins amidst the cold winter storm. 

When I open the door my body moves on instinct. There is no thought in my mind when my arms reach out and pull him in. There is no question or hesitation when tender arms meet my back and squeeze tight. There is only Hizashi.

“You never let me answer that night.” He breathes in my ear, before pulling back and tilting my chin up. His expression is inescapable. “I love you, too, Ichan. You’re worth waiting for.”

“I’m so sorry.” My chest quivers. “Hizashi, I’m so sorry. I was afraid.”

“I know.”

“I thought you’d want a better life without me.”

“That life doesn’t exist for me. Not if you’re out of the picture.”

“I’m not worth the wait.”

“You’re worth the world, lovebug.”

I hug him for the next three minutes, thanking God for His mercy and kindness, and I thank God for Hizashi. He feels so good. I don’t ever want to leave. Why don’t you start there then? The idea comes to me quite by surprise, and I look up at Hizashi with newfound hope burning in my chest.

“Hey, Hizashi?”

“Yes?” His thumb strokes my cheek.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for a kiss…but would you settle with cuddles on the couch?” 

The corners of his lips turn up into that heartstopping grin. “I’d love that.”

. . . . .

We start small. For the first few weeks, we’re barely close enough for it to be considered cuddles. I mainly sit by him and rest my head on his shoulder. Gradually, however, we start making some headway. Leaning on his shoulder turns into sitting in his lap and curling under his chin, which turns into laying beside him, which turns into fully wrapping myself around him and taking well-earned naps.

It’s a little scary at first, being so close to him. I imagine it a little like being too close to the sun, always on the lookout for getting burned. But he’s attentive, gentle, and patient. When a small miscalculated move makes me flinch or freak out or freeze, he’s apologetic and understanding.

And thus, we manage to move into those bigger steps together. Doubts and fears of Kigai become less pervasive the more Hizashi shows me he’s not going to hurt me. With each passing week as he proves it, I find myself more and more open to his touch. I find myself more expectant of it. But most of all, I find myself more eager for it.

“Ichi, where’d you get this beanie? I need one!” Hizashi turns the blue and orange striped beanie in his hand.

“That? I made it. You can have it if you want.” I chuckle, wrapping my arms around his middle and sighing into his back. “It was meant to be a craft experiment. But it turned out sort of ick yucky.”

“Ick yucky? It’s magical!” He uses my token phrase as he pulls the beanie on and poses. “What do you think? Am I runway ready yet?”

I reach my fingers under the beanie and give his hair a good ruffle, effectively messing up his hair and sending the beanie to the floor. “Now you are.”

“Wa–heeeeeyyyyyy!” He pouts and bends down to look at me with sad puppy eyes. “How am I supposed to look like a model now?”

One moment I’m giggling at his antics and the next my lips press against his. My fingers wind up his chest and around his neck and I’m hanging onto him like he’s my last chance at oxygen. When his hands move to my hips, I’m violently yanked back into reality and I pull back hard, gasping.

“I’m sorry. Should I have stopped you?” Hizashi reaches out for me, but doesn’t close the distance. “Do I need to give you some space?”

“Was that your first kiss?” I blurt, before hiding my face as Hizashi’s face wavers between his and Kigai’s. I take a few, steadying breaths and Hizashi is himself again. “I’m sorry. I should have warned you. I don’t…know what came over me.”

There’s a sad smile on his face. I don’t like it. His features don’t model sadness very well. It doesn’t fit him.

“It’s okay. No, it wasn’t my first kiss, I regret to say.” He looks sheepish before his eyes sparkle. “But it was definitely the best kiss.”

A few moments pass. I did it. I wasn’t thinking about it, but I did it. And it didn’t trigger anything. Maybe…I could try again…I think I want to.

“If I move slowly…do you think we could try that again?” I ask.

“Please.”

So we do. I taste him again and spring blossoms into summer. Sunshine sinks into my veins and hope blossoms in my chest. Light brightens the dark fear in my mind and joy sings through my heart.

And Hizashi doesn’t let me go.

“Have they found my kittens yet?” Francine asked.

“Francine, I told you. They were sick.” Eddie told her.

--

Y/N had been called to more lunch meetings with both River and Paula but she refused to tell Campbell what they discussed and since she as his girlfriend could easily distract him with kisses, though he had been a bit more clingy than usual, what with Y/N being discharged and his optimism that he would get a big DJ job, he feared whether or not they’d last but he never questioned the unconfessed love he had for her.

That evening, Eddie still wasn’t there so Campbell and Y/N took over the show. Eddie’s show.

“Well, that's about all we have time for tonight; don't forget to tune in tomorrow night for Campbell Bain's Looney Tunes Show!” He said and played the Looney Tunes jingle. Then Eddie entered, Campbell turned to him, taking his headphones off, “Eddie! Where the hell have you been?”

“Sorry I'm late.” Eddie mumbled.

"Late?" Campbell scoffed, “You've missed the whole bloody show!”

“I've been working. I don't have to catch every one of your shows fae start to finish, do I?”

Campbell and Y/N glared pointedly at Eddie and the soon to be discharged answered, “It was your show.” As Campbell bitterly tossed his headphones on the desk.

“...It was?” Eddie asked.

Campbell, Rosalie, and Y/N gave him pointed looks.

“Look, I'm sorry. I had a few bevvies; didnae want to drive.” Eddie apologized.

“‘A couple of bevvies’?” Campbell scoffed with a disbelieving chuckle and a glance at his girlfriend, “You look like you've been on a three-day binge!”

“Look, Campbell! I'm a salesman. That's what I get paid for. I don't get paid for coming here.” Eddie argued.

“Yeah, now that Francine’s been in a psychogenic coma of grief.” Y/N said, sharply.

Eddie glared at her, pointedly.

“Well, I don't think that's a very professional attitude.” Campbell said, casually, checking his fingernails.

“What do I need a professional attitude for?” Eddie asked, confused.

“For when you go to lunch with Paula Kinghorn.” Campbell said and grinned cheekily at Eddie, “She's been trying to get in touch with you for days!”

“Jesus.”

“I would’ve informed you if you’d been here the past week.” Y/N said.

Campbell got up and went to Eddie, excitedly, “Lunch, Eddie, lunch! And then she said,” He put his imitation of Paulaagain, “‘I probably shouldn't be saying this yet, but I think I'm gonna have good news for ya’.”

“I cannae. You go, Campbell.”

“He can’t.” Y/N said.

“Then you go.” Eddie told her.

“She’s had lunch with me three times. She specifically said she wanted to have lunch with you.” Y/N said.

“I cannae do it.”

“How no?!” Campbell exclaimed, his octaves going up.

“I've been waiting for this all my life. If I went intae lunch and came out with nothing, I don't know what I'd do.” Eddie said, clearly in shock.

“You'll not come out with nothing.” Campbell reassured him.

Aye. Just make sure she pays for lunch.” Rosalie said.

“And trust me, I’ve had lunch her thrice and her assistant six times.”

“Lunch.” Eddie  mumbled.

Campbell turned to his girlfriend, "You've gone out with the assistant six times?"

--

“Campbell…” Y/N groaned that night, “Please, let me get dressed into my pajamas.”

“This is the last night for quite a while I’ll get to spend the night with you.” Campbell whined with his arms around her, pulling her flush against him with her back against his chest.

“Campbell, we’ll be fine. C/N moved in four days ago, she has the essentials unpacked, I’m a fifteen minute drive away. Five if you’re the one driving. It’ll be fine. I’ll visit you every day and by the time you get discharged you’ll have made a name for yourself and you won’t be forced to move to Perth.”

“Don’t go snogging any other boys?” He asked.

She chuckled, “I promise. And I’ve taken self-defense classes now so if another EX/N comes to me, I’ll destroy them.”

“Y/N… I… I…” He felt himself freeze from the inside so he just kissed her.

--

The next day, Campbell was helping Y/N pack as she was leaving after his show when they heard Eddie’s voice shout, “THIS IS MY RADIO STATION!”

They looked at each other and ran out towards the station as they saw Eddie get shoved out of the radio station.

“Eddie?” Campbell asked as they pushed through the doors.

“Bastards.” Eddie murmured.

“Eddie?!”

“Bastards!” Eddie screamed and the couple saw a man in the station.

“Who's he?” Campbell asked.

Eddie passed them as he stormed out, “I’m not having this. I'M NOT HAVING IT!

Y/N went to the door and banged on it but the man gave her a gesture that was rather rude.

“Okay.” She said, irritated and pulled a bobby pin she stole from her cousin out and started to pick the lock before slamming it open.

“Y/N, no…”

--

“I’m just saying you didn’t have to hit him.” Campbell told his girlfriend, some time later as they looked through the records.

“I didn’t hit him. I was… gesturing for emphasis.” She said.

“Well, you gestured him right in the face.” Campbell said but he was smiling at her. He leaned towards her and gave her a kiss, still grinning. She pulled back and he cupped her cheek, deepening the kiss.

“Oh, you beautiful doll, you great big beautiful doll...” Rosalie sang when she came in.

The couple broke apart and looked at her in surprise to see her with her hair curled and make up on her face.

“So. What do you think?" She asked.

"I'm speechless!" Campbell excliamed.

"I have had a complete makeover. Sylvia, in the flat next to mine, used to be a beautician. I'm living in a posh neighborhood now, so I thought I should make the effort."

“Well, are you not worried about chemicals and that?” Y/N asked.

“Sylvia is an obsessive-compulsive as well!” Rosalie said and the couple laughed, breathlessly at this. “If it's all right with her, then it's all right with me. She is a genius, so she is.”

“What have you got in the trolley?” Campbell asked, referring to the cart Rosalie was wheeling as he sat down, pulling Y/N down to sit in his lap.

“My shopping. Just a few things from the wee shop down the road. Take 'em home with me the night.”

“Have you not got shops in your new neighborhood?” Y/N frowned.

“Oh, aye.”

“But then would it not make sense to do your shopping in the local shops?” Campbell asked.

“Aye...” Rosalie sighed, “but they won't serve me.”

“What?!” Campbell and Y/N asked.

“They won't serve anybody from Hill Crest. Not the paper shop. Not the late night shop. Even the local GP's a bit frosty on account of him being chairman of the residents' committee for getting our planning commission reviewed.”

Campbell sighed and said, “Ye cannae stand for that, Rosalie. Ye've got'ae tell them:” He put on his bad American accent again, “You're not gonna take any more o' dis crapola.”

“What American films are you watching?” Y/N laughed and tried her (best) American accent, “You’re not gonna take any more of this crap.”

“Aye! That's what I told the man in the paper shop. But he told me to bugger off! He swore at me, Campbell, which I think was uncalled for.”

“You going to ask them to move you, then?” Y/N asked.

“Move me?! You're joking! I've got a bath and toilet in the same wee room, and a washing machine on the premises, and—a microwave! Do either of you know what a microwave is?” Campbell was about to speak when she cut him off, “You put your dinner in, and them microwaves make the wee molecules jiggle up and down. It's a bit like ECT.”

Then Eddie entered, rather numbly, “Eddie! What do you think?” Rosalie approached him, “Jim said I looked like a film star. One that had been in the Betty Ford clinic once too often, but a film star!”

“You look very nice.” Eddie said, flatly and continued passed Rosalie and then the couple.

“What's up with him?” Rosalie asked.

Eddie turned around to break the news to the three, “They're closing us down.”

Campbell and Y/N spoke in unison.

“How?!” Campbell gasped.

“What!?” Y/N said, getting to her feet.

“To turn this place into a treatment room. That's how the workman was in here. We've got a week to pack up and be out of here.” Eddie explained.

“You mean I'll not be station manager anymore?” Rosalie asked, softly.

“...No.”

Campbell got up and got in Eddie’s face. “What are you talking about? We're not going to lie down and play dead over this, are we? We've built something here, Eddie! When I go round the wards collecting requests, I'm a celebrity! And you know how? Because we give folks a voice! And now the hospital is telling us to shut up?!”

“Well, what can we do?

“We can declare UDI! We can turn ourselves into an independent charity, like most hospital radio stations in the country. Demand a site, and then run the station the way we want to! The only thing stopping us is lack of dosh.”

“That's also the only thing stopping me paying my milk bill.” Rosalie said.

“So we stage a fundraiser like we did before. Ehh... I've got it! A radiothon!”

“You mean like a telethon without any pictures.” Y/N asked.

“Aye.” Campbell said, “We'll broadcast from ten in the morning till ten at night, every day till we raise the dosh. We'll contact mental health charities, we'll enlist celebrity DJs, we'll ensure we get coverage in every newspaper in Glasgow.”

“Campbell, if my name appears in the papers again, I'm out of my job.” Eddie argued.

“Who cares. You're gonna go to lunch with Paula on Monday. You'll have another job.”

“We don't know that, Campbell!” Eddie shouted.

“She said she was going to have good news! Have some faith, Eddie! This is our moment!” Campbell encouraged.

Eddie: Then how do we need to save the station?” Eddie retorted.

Campbell’s smile fell and disappointment was etched over his face, he looked back at Rosalie and Y/N and then back at Eddie and he spoke a disappointed tone, “The station isn't just you and me, Eddie.”

“I cannae come in with you, Campbell.”

“...Aye…” Campbell stepped away from him Well. You with me, Rosalie?

“Aye, I'm with ya.”

Campbell turned to Y/N, “Y/N?”

“Of course. Just because I’m being discharged doesn’t mean I won’t be here to support you.”

He broke his loving gaze from his girlfriend to Eddie, giving him a look of disappointment and a little betrayal.

“Then we'll do it ourselves, Eddie. And I'll talk to Francine as well.”  Campbell seemed to now be having a hard time looking at Eddie.

Eddie looked at Campbell for a long time before wishing him, “...Good luck.”

He exited, walking between Campbell, Y/N, and Rosalie. Campbell refused to look at him, shoving his hands in his pockets before Y/N got on her tip-toes and hugged him, he wrapped his arms around her.

--

“Do you want to talk about it?” Y/N asked Campbell.

“No. I don’t want spend our last night together talking about Eddie.” He sighed, “Come here.” He kissed her, desperately but she pulled back, feeling wetness on his face and saw him trying not to cry. He rested his against her shoulder, sniffling.

“Oh, Campbell. I’m only going to be fifteen minutes away,”

“It’s not fair. Maybe if we could keep having nights like this. I like being there to help you stave off the nightmares. I like waking up from a memory of my dad’s lectures and knowing that you’re there with me lifts me higher than ever before. I like pretending like we’re not just a couple of teenagers in their first… well, healthy relationship. I like you… a lot. I’ve never had anyone who wanted to be around me as much as you do.”

“I like you too.” She dug her fingers into his light auburn hair, “for so long I thought I was broken. EX/N convinced me that I was broken. That I was unlovable, that I was alone in the darkness and I expected to spend the rest of my life in the darkness as more darkness, but then I met you and you shine brighter than the sun in summer.”

“You’re not broken.” He said and he kissed her passionately.

--

As Y/N finished packing up, Campbell hugged her from behind with his face snuggled into the crock of her neck with the occasional kiss to it. She chuckled and turned in his embrace, he immediately started to kiss her slowly.

“Campbell… I’ll be back in… like an hour.” She said in between his kisses.

“Mmm. Too long.” He shook his head.

“I think we’re moving from affectionate young love to clingy.”

“Mmm. I don’t care.”

“Y/N…” Came her cousin’s voice, knocking on the frame of the open door. “Uh, car’s ready.”

“Thanks, C/N. Campbell, I have to go. I’ll be back in an hour.” She said and kissed him before leaving the Saint Jude’s Hospital.

--

Three days later...

Y/N sat next to Campbell as he spoke into the microphone, “The time is two forty-five on day three, hour number twenty-nine of the Saint Jude's Hospital radiothon. In fifteen minutes, we're going to have another two hours of patients' party pieces, including Hector, who'll be doing a selection of his best juggling tricks.” A beat before he added with dry sarcasm, “Well, that should certainly be worth listening to. I'll be back again at five, so keep sending me your requests and dedications, but most of all, send us your dosh, and rescue our radio!”

He played Rescue Me (I don’t know who sings this. I can’t get a Shazam result off of it.) as Rosalie entered, wearing a bandage wrapped around her head, holding a piece of gauze to her face, over her eye.

“Sorry I'm late.” She told them, Y/n had turned around and her jaw was dropped in shock.

“So you should be! I've had…” Campbell started out angry but he cut himself off when saw the bandage and gauze and his eyes widened, “What happened to yeh?

“Ach, Jim came round and we had a... disagreement, but it's all sorted out now.”

“What!?” Y/N asked, outraged.

“Jim hit yeh?” Campbell asked in concern and some outrage.

“No!” Rosalie said quickly and explained, “Some wee boys came over the fence and one of them started making faces at me through the window, so I went out, and we disagreed about whether he was on my property, and then about whether I was a loony who should be locked up, and then he threw the stone, and we disagreed about whether I was gonna let Jim throttle him or not.”

“The kid threw a stone at yeh?” Campbell asked in disbelief.

“Aye, but I'm from Donegal—when a stone hits your head, it's the stone that's in trouble.” Rosalie said.

“Alright, who’s this kid? I’m going to find his parents and beat some sense into them with a bat until they learn to raise their kids right.” Y/N said with complete seriousness.

Then Billy knocked on the open door’s frame

“Hello, Billy.” Y/N said, brightly.

“Hello? I wanted to volunteer to do a party piece?” Billy said.

“Aye! What do you want to do?” Campbell said, positively, picking up the clipboard with all the times on it.

Billy held up a fiddle and proudly said, “I want to play my ukulele.”

“That's a fiddle.” Y/n said.

“...It is?”

Y/N nudged Campbell, ”But you're welcome to play it tomorrow at...” Campbell said, he paused to check for an unscheduled time slot for Billy, “quarter past six. Is that okay?”

“Aye, quarter past six!” Billy agreed.

“Don't forget your fiddle.” Y/N said.

“My what?” Billy asked.

Y/N sighed, giving up and said, “...Your ukulele.”

Billy, grinning, then exited.

“How's it been going, anyway?” Rosalie asked once Billy was gone.

“Desperate.” Campbell sighed, placing the clipboard down, “It's been like that,” He jabbed his thumb after Billy, “all day.” He ran his fingers over his face in exasperation, “Loads of volunteers to sing the Postman Pat theme in eleven different languages. But where's our celebrity DJs? Where's our star interviews? Where's the bloody press?”

“It’s kind of last minute, babe.” Y/N said, running her hand through his hair in the way she knew comforted him and he rested his head on her shoulder.

“But the contributions have been pouring in. They've been slipping them under the door. And a whole load have just arrived in with the post.” Rosalie said, holding up  a stack of letters.

“How much have we got so far?” Campbell asked, lifting his head up with Y/N’s hand still in his hair.

“Ninety-seven pounds and twenty-seven pence.”

Campbell rolled his eyes and sighed before plopping his head back on Y/N’s shoulder, “We may have to do something drastic soon.”

--

Y/N drove Campbell to Eddie’s the next day and knocked on his apartment door.

Eddie, looking like he had woken up in a ditch that morning, opened the door.

“Eddie...?” Campbell asked. Eddie blinked from the light and nodded into his apartment, silently inviting them inside and opened the door. “You look terrible.”

“Aye... I had a few bevvies last night.”

“Uh… you mind if I make some coffee?” Y/N asked, figuring this is what Eddie needed at the moment.

“Aye, 's through there. 's nae milk, though.” He said.

Campbell rolled from the heels to the balls of his feet as Y/N filled a kettle with tap water. “The radiothon's dying on its feet.”

“Surprise, surprise.” Eddie said, dryly.

“The builders are supposed to be coming in at two o'clock tomorrow. And if we're not out of there by then, they're going to throwus out. So we've decided to occupy the station.” Campbell told Eddie.

“Campbell... have you finally really lost your mind?” Eddie asked, “Who's gonna occupy it?”

“Me, Y/N,” Campbell said, glancing behind him and jabbing his thumb at his girlfriend who had placed the kettle down and appeared in the doorframe, “and Rosalie. And you, I hope.”

“Nae chance.” Eddie scoffed as Campbell sat on the radiator.

“Eddie, I've thought it all out! It's the only way to save the station. I've told all the newspapers! They're all going to be there! We are going to turn this into a front page incident.”

“Campbell, I told you, I don't wantae make the front page. What I wantae dae is keep my job.” Eddie said, loudly.

“Eddie, you built that station from nothing! How can you let that slip away without a fight?” Campbell argued.

“Because I've got bills tae pay!” He got up and went through his mail stack of bills, “Electricity bill, gas bill, phone bill—which my dear grandmother managed to run into three figures before going off to Lithuania with every spare penny I had to give. And because, although I have lost more jobs in my life than you have had manic episodes, Campbell, I could make a lot of money now! I could get respect for the first time in my life!” He was now yelling, “You think I'm gonna give that all up for the dubious honor of going down with my ship?!” He walked over to the small balcony.

“Eddie, d'you no see that job's killing you?” Campbell asked.

“No, Campbell, my dreams!”  Eddie argued before repeating softly, “My dreams are killing me.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes at him but bit back her comeback as Campbell walked to Eddie, leaned against the banister and asked, “So... what did Paula say, then?”

“She said there's a slot coming up and they want you to take it.”

Campbell’s eyes widened briefly, “You mean they want us to take it.”

“No, they see it as a solo slot.” Eddie clarified.

“And-and they want Campbell to take it? Only Campbell?” Y/N asked.

“I'm no gonna take it!” Campbell said at once.

“Campbell, take it.”

“We'll keep at it, Eddie, contact some other stations, do another demo—”

“Campbell, do you wantae end up like me?” Eddie asked, looking Campbell in the eyes, and then said, empathetically. “Take. The. Job. For yourself. For Fergus, eh?” He paused, “I promised Paula, I'd make you take it; I don't wantae break my word. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got tae go tae work.”

Campbell hesitated but left while Y/N stayed, waiting until he was out of earshot.

 “By the way, it’s bullshit, Eddie. Your dreams aren’t killing you. Your boss’ expectations are killing you. Your grandmother’s expectations are killing you. Evelyn MacDonald’s killing you. That asshole from your work is killing you. Everyone who’s ever put you down is killing you because you’re letting them. Like how I let EX/N kill me every day. If you let your dreams go, you’re letting them kill you. You’ll end up like Fergus. Cold and alone in the ground with a rock with a birthday carved into it that I’m pretty sure is wrong and a funeral mostly full of people who before couldn’t even be bothered to remember your name before but come to convince themselves that they weren’t totally absorbed in their own lives to care about someone who’s now gone.”

-- 

For What It's Worth by Buffalo Springfield played as Campbell spoke into the microphone back at the studio. “This is Campbell Bain, and it's D-Day for Saint Jude's Hospital Radiothon. That's 'D' for Desperation Day, because we are still two thousand, eight hundred and fifty-six pounds and fifty-three pence short of our target. So this is it, loonies. If you've got a rich uncle, then today's the day to remind him of that filing clerk he once took to Blackpool, the name of the cheap hotel where they stayed, and the type of barnyard animal that was involved.” Y/N giggled into her sleeved hand as behind them, Rosalie stopped counting the meager donations and gave him a look like, what the hell? “We are here for you, loonies, and we're not going anywhere.”

--

Some time later, Campbell’s attention was brought through the window by the flashing of cameras and he spotted some men wearing hard hats.

“Y/N! Rosalie!” He shouted, bringing the girls’ attention to them.

Rosalie slammed the door shut and Y/N bolted the door shut.

“Ha! Now, not even the sonic screwdriver will get through that.” Y/N laughed with a triumph flourish and she gave the man a rude gesture through the window.

Rosalie and Y/N started to stack boxes and anything else they could find and move against the door as Campbell spoke on the radio.

“The loonies may not have taken over the asylum, but they've seized control of the radio station. “This is Campbell Bain reporting live from the hospital radio occupation, where we have locked ourselves into the station and have refused to stop broadcasting until our future is assured.”

Y/N spotted Stuart, Isabel, and another assistant enter the hallway from through the window.

“So talk to your friends, your relatives, your voices! Hospital radio must survive!”

Outside the station, the patients cheered.

--

Revolution played on the speakers as the patients danced. Y/N spotted Evelyn MacDonald pushed through the crowd towards Stuart, “Stuart! What are all these patients doing in the corridor? Get them out of here!”

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Evelyn looked to see Y/N looking out through the window, knocking and then she waved with a fake smile before giving her an extremely rude gesture.

“Why are they still broadcasting? Can you not you cut their electricity?” She shouted at a workman and then she went to a reporter, “look, this is NHS property, and I’m going to have to ask you and your friends to leave immediately.”

A few minutes later Campbell announced, “That's exactly what this is, a revolution! Because even now the forces of sanity are massing outside the window, armed with the full weight of the Scottish Mental Health and the Criminal Trespass Act. But we can beat them, loonies! Because you know what we've got? Pride! We are loonies, and we are proud!”

Reach Out I'll Be There played as the police arrived and a policewoman announced through a megaphone to the reporters, “You are trespassing on NHS property. I must ask you to leave immediately.” Campbell looked absolutely delighted. “You are trespassing on National Health property. I must ask you to leave immediately.”

Campbell kissed Y/N on the cheek in triumph and defiantly slammed the fader on the mixer up as loud as it could go.

Then the station window started to open, making them turn to see Eddie opening the window from the outside and he climbed inside.

Grins appeared on the faces of Campbell, Rosalie, and Y/N’s faces.

“You are trespassing on National Health property. I must ask you to leave immediately. If you do not leave immediately, you will be arrested and charged.”

“We're gonna be arrested.” Campbell exclaimed, excitedly and he hugged ecstatically, “We're gonna be charged! This is the most glorious day of my life!!”

He turned to Y/N and placed his hands on her hips loosely, he opened his mouth but nothing came out other than, “I… I…” He didn’t want to scare her off and after her last “relationship”.

“I love you.” She said, putting her arms around his neck.

He blinked and then he grinned and said, “I love you too.” He kissed her when the police broke the station window with a fire extinguisher and opened the door, pushing the obstacles away.

They hauled, Campbell, Y/N, Eddie, and Rosalie out as the reporters took pictures as the patients booed them. Campbell beamed at the cameras before they passed a now awake from her psychological coma Francine.

--

A week later

Y/N beamed from the other side of the radio station glass of Radio Scotland as Campbell laughed at some hate mail as music played softly, “That was Hit the Road, Jack, a special dedication to me, wouldja believe, from an anonymous listener in Bishopbriggs, who writes: ‘I know what you are, and you should be locked up and have your balls cut off.’ So, Gold Boppers, write in to next week's mailbag and let me know what you think. Do you want me to be locked up, or just have my balls cut off, or do you want me to be locked up and have my balls cut off? This is Campbell Bain's Gold Show, so don't touch that dial, just let it be.”