#pschotherapy

The braille study group - how do I put my skills to use? What kind of skills? Am i meant to come up solutions for the braille study group? These thoughts fill my mind as I walk down to the Andrew Heiskell Braille and Talking Book Library. Considering I vaguely know my way around the city, I can’t seem to manage without google maps - what would life be without google maps, I wonder? I notice these two girls walk up from behind me and get in front of me. I notice, the girl on the right, has her hand loosely wrapped around the forehand of the one walking to her left, then I notice a tapping sound, as my eyes try to look and follow the sound - I notice that the same girl who has her arm loosely wrapped around the others, is making her way with a white cane. We were walking in the same direction - could it be that all three of us are heading to the same place - what are the odds, I think to myself. I take my chances and slide the phone into my back pocket and start to follow them - following them has to be faster than looking down and looking up, as I make my way to the library. She hold the door open, someone walks in, I take over and hold the door for them, as they walk in. I stand at the information desk and ask about how to get to the study group - I am told to take the elevator to the second floor. The doors open I walk out and I find another information desk in front of me - I am told to look for the study group in one of the rooms to the left. I felt nervous for some odd reason - I don’t normally feel nervous walking into unfamiliar territory but I was not sure what I would be walking in to. I find the room - I walk in and I was not sure as to how to get noticed - raising my voice and introducing myself to the class felt strangely inappropriate. I stood at the door waiting for a chance to get noticed - hoping some one would invite me in. There were individuals sighted and impaired, interacting through touch and sign language and voices could also be heard. I stood for a few minutes and walked back to the information desk - hoping someone could guide me. The main instructor was not in - I was tempted to walk out, but I chose to give it another go and walk back in - I forced my way in and stood closer to where the conversation was, it was a small room - I managed to introduce myself and told them I was there for the study group. I met the other and Denis, who seemed to be leading the group reached out and shook my hand - he was visually impaired and asked if I was sighted or impaired - I found myself reluctant in giving an answer - till someone else jumped in and said sighted. I was asked to sit at one of the tables that has space and was given a braille alphabet identification card, I sat down and began to study it. Denis gave me words on a peg slate, a teaching device and I started identifying. I realised mid-way that there was a method to the madness and the formation was important and I took it from there. The class was amazing and everyone had such a great energy and was helpful and interactive - it was heartwarming. I walked out of the study group with a strange feeling and realised that there is so much we take for granted - simple things like our senses and how I could not imagine my world any different - my heart broke a little, I have to admit, but at the same time felt grateful for what I had - what life had blessed me with and stirred a sense of responsibility I had with the abilities I have, to do more and to give more. 

I walked out with all these feeling and made my way to my weekly meeting with Abbie, which is always great - reflecting and exchanging notes. I cannot thank her enough for the insanely random and exciting schedule she puts together for me. We walked down to the coffee shop right beneath Nancy’s office, where I am meant to go after for my psychotherapy session. We begin talking and exchanging notes about the parallels I have been making with things back home. I fill her in on my world and I hope I can find a way for them to experience my world - I would love to return this generous offering of sharing so much with me, in such a short span.

I walk up to Nancy’s - and have so much to share - today unlike the last few days that went so fast. I had been absorbing but not processing - it was perfect timing and a good day to voice that thoughts that had suddenly surfaced. My mind was breaking things down. My conversation with Nancy always put things in perspective - she allows me to find answers and solutions to the conflicting thoughts and cross-roads I find myself facing. I have started to understand myself better if anything else, to find ways to allow myself to sift through life. I always find myself feeling lighter as I walk out, than I have found myself walking in.

I made my way to the Citibike stand and rode to the High Line along the Hudson River Greenway, took me about 30 minutes to get there - only to find out from Abbie that the tour, with Patrick Hazari, High Line director of design and construction, something I had been super excited about, was cancelled due to the weather - I have to agree, it was indeed a hot day - but that did not stop me from exploring on my own. 

The High Line, about twenty years ago,a last section of the original rail line, was reimagined to be turned into public space. About ten years ago it welcomed its first visitors and has become a landmark of the city of New York and a model for reusability of infrastructure across the globe. The High Line also exhibited an outdoor group exhibition, that examined and expanded the tradition of outdoor paintings. The artists in this exhibition not only brought paintings outside but imagined nature as context, subject and collaborator. The High Line over the last decade has been an all season garden, with 15 ecosystems, 110,000 plants and home to countless pollinators. 

I sat around, looked around, and enjoyed the scenic views as I walked up and down the High Line, a literal storm cooked up, heavy rain began to pour gush of cold breeze, with droplets of water, that felt refreshing after a hot day spent on the streets of New York. I stood in line waiting for, Out of Line: “Twice the Moon”, a site specific performance, by MoonCake Collective. It a a playful performance, that explored themes around family, relationships, histories of foreignness, and kinship as  queer Chinese people in the United States. It was sensitive and poetically put together.

The most important sign that you need to check on is when you enjoy the comfort that other people give you more than the comfort offered to you by your family. There is nothing bad about being with friends and colleagues, but if you prioritize them more than your family, then this could be an issue. Again, if things get out of your hands, then an expert in family relationships can help you fix whatever needs to be fixed in your family.

Though, there are many other obvious issues (like addiction in alcohol, drugs or other substances) that may require you to seek help from a family counsellor, the warning signs mentioned above are those that are often overlooked. You don’t need to have all these signs, though, before you seek help from a therapist.