#prying

Hi @sultryfandoms

I thought I had lost this ask! But yay I found it! Here’s the story I came up with, I hope you enjoy it!

❤️ Rabbit

Sorry it took so bloody long

Realize that you are always free to respond with “why do you ask?” when someone questions YOU especially if/when your answer isn’t one that has ANYTHING to do with them. People love asking things that's actually none of their business and calling it "making conversation". Learn to let them make conversation with THEIR business.  Someone who is setting you up to ask you to borrow your car might start off with, “It’s been so cold lately, how’s your car starting up when you head out in the mornings?”  You THINK they’re just making conversation and you say, “Oh pretty good...” and you continue to talk about all the maintenance you keep on top of blah-blah-blah, talking too much.  A week later, they want to borrow your car.  This might sound like a childish example but if you get what I’m saying, you get it and you understand how replying with, “Why do you ask? Do you have trouble starting yours in the morning?” would have turned the tide in the conversation and possibly thrown a monkey wrench in their setup although a master manipulator always has a plan B!

Oftentimes, manipulative people or someone avoiding the spotlight being on them will ask questions of YOU to either get information (that you don’t even know how they plan to use it) or to keep from sharing of THEMSELVES.  I realized that in my life, I’ve always been in too close of proximity of people like this.  I always feel UNCOMFORTABLE when people ask what I PERCEIVE as a prying question, something about ME that has NOTHING to do with THEM but because it has always been framed as “oh, that’s how people make conversation, they’re just trying to get to know you,” I’ve always felt like I was being unreasonable but that’s what BOUNDARIES are for.  It’s OK for someone to WANT to get to know me but I also need to WANT them to get to know me.  Why should MY wants take a back seat for theirs?  I may not be interested in them, I may not care for the conversation they are trying to have with me...I have the right to decide I don’t want to participate in the topic, the conversation altogether, or the interaction itself.

Just because someone wants to be approachable with you does not mean you have to follow that lead.  Until you know someone’s intentions, you get to exercise whatever boundaries that protect you until YOU feel trust and safety.  Don’t allow people’s approach towards you of being nice or being friendly or smiling, or being chatty and interested to automatically be a reason you return the vibe if it’s NOT what YOU genuinely feel in that moment.  If you feel genuineness, then proceed as such (I still recommend boundaries simply because they are healthy to have in life).  But if you don’t feel genuineness, then you might also know that people who love-bomb or nice-gesture-you-to-death can also be people with a hidden agenda that’s NOT in your best interest.

The biggest mistakes in my life came from me thinking someone was going to be nice because I was nice or honest because I was honest or transparent because I was transparent.  It hurt alot to find out that there are some really broken people out here with issues that were there before you came in the picture.  I’m working on not calling them BAD people because we all have a root to WHY we behave in ways that we do.  But figuring all of that out and getting myself hurt in the process is NOT my sole purpose for living so once I find out I’m dealing with a person who needs help beyond my capabilities, I have to separate before what has nothing to do with me affects me and what I have and hold dear in my life.

Flag of the Prying Eyes

Minding your own business sounds like an easy task. Yet for some, it is very tempting to pry into other people's privacy box with their nosy lever. It's too late for them to realize that the chest is a Pandora's box filled with horrifying secrets, releasing the curse of ruining their relationships and irreversible consequences to their lives.