I took a walk around McLean after seeing B this morning to say goodbye to the campus and hospital that literally saved my life. I said goodbye to each building, each spot along the walk where I held a memory, mostly from my time at 3East. I said goodbye to the cafeteria courtyard where I would always eat lunch with the day program, the ambulance entrance to the CEC that meant the start of another inpatient stay, the STU where I visited many of my friends, P2 and all the memories and people there, the "bowl" in front of Proctor where I went stargazing with Rob and the other patients, the tree where I picked a huge beautiful bright red maple leaf that my favorite CRC from 3East still has, the tree that Em climbed, the chapel where we found a dead squirrel on the door step, the place where the building used to be that I broke into with Sam, the tunnel bathroom where I hooked up with another patient, the serenity garden next to East House where I smoked countless cigarettes, the Pavilion where my mom went to treatment, the tunnels where we used an Ouija board, Mill St where we found children's handprints in the dust in the basement even though no kids had been there, and the nightly walks we would take with Whitney the CRC as she told us all the ghost stories of McLean. It's so difficult to close this chapter of my life, even though I know I'm ready to move on. It's time. But I will miss this whole campus deeply and fiercely.

My roommate has woken up crying the last few nights. She’s only 19 years old. My heart aches for her.

i called to see if proctor 2 has any beds open, but its the weekend so of course they dont