#procrastific

Clint folded his arms over his chest and stared out at the sea stubbornly. “There’s no way you could’ve known that Bessie was going to be here, so you can take that ‘I told you so’ and shove—”

“Bessie?” Natasha asked, tilting her head. She hadn’t actually put her binoculars down, but she managed to convey curiosity and amusement all in one go, a particular talent of hers. “You named her Bessie?”

“What’s wrong with the name Bessie?”

“Bessie’s something you would name a cow! Of the Bos taurus persuasion, not...” Natasha finally lowered the binoculars to gesture at the water surrounding their Zodiac. “Her name is not Bessie.”

“What is it, then? I bet you haven’t even given her anything but a number. If that. I know you haven’t tagged her yet, you’d have been bragging about it if you had. So the fact that she’s here right now is just luck.”

“We will not be calling her Bessie,” Natasha said through gritted teeth, which Clint took as a victory. 

“First one to name the whale wins, and I won,” Clint said.

“Bessie is undignified.”

“Aw, don’t say that. She’ll hear you, and you’ll hurt her feelings.”

From the way Natasha was staring at him, her eyes flat, Clint figured he was being called any number of Russian names in her head. But Natasha only shook her head and finally a tiny smile broke through, curling up the corners of her lips. “You’re an idiot,” she said.

“Half of this food is for me,” Felicity said, bumping Laurel’s calf with her hip and giving Laurel no choice but to drop her feet to the floor of the van. “You don’t get to eat it all.”

Laurel grinned and leaned over to snag a spring roll from the open bag in the crook of Felicity’s elbow. She crunched into it. “So half a heart attack, then. When I asked if you’d mind dropping off dinner, I didn’t actually expect you to stick around. At least one of us should be spared hours of boring surveillance.”

“See, if I go away, I suspect you really will eat all of this food,” Felicity said, peeling out of her cardigan as she looked around for another chair to sit on. “You vigilantes are all bottomless pits. I’m doing you a favor.”

“Fair,” Laurel said, laughing.

Unfortunately, the flower van currently serving as their surveillance headquarters as they spied on the Gang of Three didn’t have all that much space, and they apparently hadn’t crammed a second chair in the back. With a shrug, Felicity scurried up to grab a blanket from the passenger seat and spread that over the floor. “Impromptu picnic,” she said, plopping down and reaching for the egg foo yung. “You coming down here or what?”

“Of course.” Laurel folded her legs into a half-lotus and dug into the sweet and sour pork. “Thanks for the food.”

“Anytime.” Felicity just grinned and toasted her with the carton. If somebody had told her ten years before that her idea of an exciting Saturday night would mean sharing lukewarm Chinese in the back of a surveillance van covered in flower puns, she’d never have believed them. 

Maria Hill/Steve Rogers: "Are you always armed?" "Aren't you?"

Steve scratched the back of his head as he tried to come up with a satisfactory answer. Was he always armed? Not in the traditional sense; he didn’t carry a gun these days, and he didn’t always keep his shield within arm’s reach. But being Captain America and knowing how to improvise weapons (or, as Barton had once put it, “Being, like, a deadly MacGyver”) on the fly? “Guess I am,” he said. “But I meant...”

“Yes?” Maria asked, lowering her gun and stepping around him to check the door of the flat they were sharing while they laid low after an op. She’d come barreling out of the bathroom when he’d dropped a water bottle on the floor. “What did you mean?”

Steve gestured somewhat helplessly to the thin tank top with its string-like straps and to the incredibly short shorts Maria had donned for sleeping. He’d half-expected Commander Hill to have a specialized SHIELD uniform for sleeping. Not...that. 

“For heaven’s sake, Rogers, just spit it out,” Maria said, rolling her eyes. 

Steve finally gave up: “Where were you even keeping the gun?” 

“That’s for me to know and you to find out. Later. Much later. If you’re lucky.” And with a final eye-roll that seemed almost fond, Maria strode around him and back to the corner of the room that she’d claimed.

Vex & Keyleth: "Why is EVERYONE so much cooler than me?" "Fake it 'til you make it, darling."

Keyleth gasped and spun around, her eyes wide and her jaw dropping. “You’re faking it?”

“Please.” Vex let out a small laugh. “You’ll find that I actually am as cool as I seem. I happen to be the exception to the rule.”

“No, she’s not,” Vax said. He appeared out of nowhere, gave his sister a wet willy, and vanished into the shadows just as quickly, instants ahead of the arrow that sparked as it hit the bricks behind him. Keyleth could hear a mocking laugh, but she decided it was kinder not to mention it. “Love you, too, sis!”

“Ignore my dear brother, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Vex said, slinging her bow over her back. She stuck her pinky in her ear to clean it out, grimaced, and patted Trinket on the head as he wandered over to check on her with distinctly ursine worry on his face. “It’s the curse I bear, to be born cool and to carry this coolness around for the rest of my life.”

“You do look so very troubled,” Keyleth said, unable to stop the sarcasm, and a smile broke out over Vex’s face. “So burdened. You carry it with class, though.”

“Why, thank you. Though I do think you’re selling yourself a bit short.”

“What?” Keyleth asked. “How can I be? You’ve seen what an idiot I make of myself all the time.”

Vex hopped up on Trinket’s back and gave him a scritch just below the edge of his armor. “So? We’re Vox Machina, we all make idiots of ourselves. It’s practically our group motto. It’s all in the recovery, darling, and carrying yourself with the poise and confidence afterward.”

That was easy for her to say, Keyleth thought. She had a giant bear that adored her every move and guys falling all over her all the time, while Keyleth just stuck out like an awkward thumb. 

But before she could reply, Vex went on, “And for the record, I do think you’re just as cool as everybody else here. Nobody else could’ve brought the Sun Tree back, or looked as cool getting arrested in that bar that one time.”

“I like that those are the two accomplishments you picked out,” Keyleth said, unable to stop the laugh and the warmth that flowed up through her chest.