Dec 6, 2025
Me: crying as quietly as possible in my room so no one will know
Also me: this is fake, this is performative, oh my god, you stupid drama queen
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Me: crying as quietly as possible in my room so no one will know
Also me: this is fake, this is performative, oh my god, you stupid drama queen
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
You told me “forever,” bent down on your knee.
But I was so easily replaced.
You saw my brightness, tried to steal it from me.
What once you loved, you erased.
I should have seen the signs.
I should have known you were two-faced.
😠 🫵🏼 Spite 🫵🏼 😠
I am alive purely out of spite
The Devil wants me out of this fight
He wants me
He can’t have me
With white-knuckled fists
My attention and focus shifts
He can’t have me
So to the bitter end
Despite the aching pain
I’ll stubbornly remain
~Po
why do preschool/kids shows make me feel sick/uncomftable? is that a trigger?
I don’t know why preschool/kids’ shows make you feel sick/uncomfortable.
Watching kid’s shows would not be a programmed trigger, (which is designed by abusers to trigger a certain response), in the sense that there is a program that says, “When you watch kids’ shows, you will feel uncomfortable.”
It seems possible that something in or about the shows could be an emotional trigger for you, triggering your sick/uncomfortable feelings. The feelings may be related to trauma or other experiences from your past. Feeling sick or uncomfortable could be a sign of overwhelm, and if you are not being forced to watch preschool/kid’s shows, you don’t have to, especially if part of you may be experiencing the negative feelings. If you know that the shows bother you, you may be able to process the feelings by writing out and answering questions about the shows in order to connect with the part or parts that are holding those feelings.
Some possible questions may include:
Which shows make you feel uncomfortable?
What about them?
Are some shows more tolerable than others? What is the difference between those and others?
What actual are there other feelings related to different elements, characters, characteristics, topics in the shows?
Do you rember anything else about your life at the time these show were on? What time of day were they on, if you watched them when you were young?
How do you typically cope when experiencing those feelings you have when you watch kids’ shows?
What leads you to watch them?
Are there any patterns of behavior centered around these shows?
If you don’t get all of the answers right away, that’s okay. At least the question has been asked in your mind, and the answer may come at a random time, or you may find that you are able to write the answers another time. Memories often come when one is in a safe enough season of your life (which doesn’t always mean perfectly safe) and when your brain somehow knows you can now handle the information. It is okay to take your time in figuring out these things.
~Josha
Hi !
Just another snippet of the Prologue of my Young Newt OS series to keep me motivated with the translation process.
It wasn't planned but I guess I needed some bittersweet feelings and nostalgia. And some early NewTina in the shadow, too.
Once again, it's a raw one (on many layers), but I hope you'll enjoy anyway.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Love hate relationship
The road to self love
Hurts, and is paved with anger
Grief for who you where
It's been a while since I've painted, due to...so many reasons. But today I started thinking about it again, thinking of "what I could" paint. And that alone feels like a win.
Life has been hard. Creativity feels like it's been on the back burner. And you know what? That's okay.
I feel like we (or at least myself) have been in survival mode since 2020. And at first I leaned into my creative outlets for solace, but soon it became too much. It all became too much. And it's taken me a long time to be okay with that.
It's okay if I'm still struggling, it's okay if things aren't 100% normal. It's okay that I'm still processing changes around me.
And these rocks, the last painting I made, have more symbolism to me now more than anything. Rocks seem stagnant, unchanging, but nothing could be more untrue. The wind and sand and water change and molds the rocks over time. The world around the rocks help soften, sharpen, or move them into new spaces.
And maybe that's me? Maybe the world's elements around me are slowly molding and changing me, helping to soften sharp edges and move me into a new path.
And that thought alone gives me hope and doesn't make me feel as stuck.
Rock on friends. Rock on.
I have become and unbecome thousands of different versions of myself this year. I’ve noticed that being so isolated and having so much time to think almost always results in growth or at least the forced processing of emotions and trauma, even if it wasn’t your initial intention to process these things. Enough down time by yourself to think inevitably results in difficult old feelings resurfacing. Even if you do nothing to directly address them or consciously bring them up, they are still there and in moments of quiet time you should expect some uncomfortable feelings to come up. Initially it was very very uncomfortable and agonizing for me, I felt like a million little anxieties and the things that hurt me the most were piling themselves on top of my shoulders all at once. It hurt bad and it was not easy. It was like that for months. And then, slowly, it got easier. It got better. I got stronger. Now I am very grateful for this year. Im aware that if things had happened differently I may have never dealt with some of the trauma and negative energy that I held in the back of my heart. Negativity, feelings, trauma and any less than perfect experience that you don’t allow yourself to process, fully understand, learn from and grow from has the potential to and most likely will manifest itself later in an unhealthy way that could likely hurt you or the people you love. As I said, processing ages old trauma is not an easy thing to do, but in my opinion it is so worth it. I feel as if a weight has been lifted. If you were to have asked me at the beginning of the year what I honestly thought this year had in store for me I would have said something like “probably not much” but I’ve learned that that couldn’t be further from the truth. My internal world is so much richer and more alive because of the time I have spent and the work I have put in on myself and my inner being. I’ve come to accept that I am going to be me until this life comes to pass. You’re going to be you too. We might as well start learning right now how to be more comfortable in this physical form we currently occupy and begin living life the way it is meant to be lived, actively not passively. You are meant to explore and learn and evolve and really truly LIVE, not just existing in a state of fear and pain. There is so much more out there for you. Allow yourself to feel everything, process it, learn, and then heal. Then go forward and go get what is meant for you. Remember that if you don’t make a change within yourself, you won’t see a change in your circumstances.