#problem101

rage lvl: 100000000

FUUUUUK

madafuckinbullshit

I hate people who can't get what I'm trying to say just because all you want is for your opinion (even if it's not needed) to be heard, since it's not necessary. Yes, I speak of death lightly, but not because I don't value what God gave me, but I take death lightly because I'm challenging myself. If others can do it, why can't I? Except, mine is just, If other's can do it, then I'd rather die than not being able to do what others can easily do. I'm pushing myself to the limits of death not because I'm childish, but I want to prove to myself that if it can be done, then I should do my hardest.

By saying, "If I can't pass my major subjects, then I'll kill myself." it's not a threat, but a challenge. I challenge myself and motivate myself differently than others because I see death as the ultimate boss in the game, just like other people having different and weird fetishes, they pleasure themselves in a different way, right?

I speak of death lightly because I'm mocking death,...literally. I'm only saying things like that because I want to show people one day that everything is possible. By challenging death, I'm encouraging myself to do my best. Not good, not better,but my best.

It also means I'm putting up a fight to win my life and not lose to death. I'm putting up a fight to achieve what I'm supposed to achieve. If you say, "Maybe it's not your path? Maybe God has other plans for you?" Well I also have my cunondrom, "If God has other plans for me, why now? Why not 2 years ago when I was still a freshie? If he has other plans, why now that I've already done a lot?" that my friend, is what God wants me to do. To pursue my dreams and to achieve it.

I'm also being like this because if I just think, "nah.. I did my best(even if I didn't), I'll just laugh about it in the future when I'll be successful. Maybe God has other plans for me." NO. By saying that, is literally giving up. No course is simple, but it doesn't mean, if it's hard, no one can pass it. If no one can pass it, then why did others passed it? So your saying I'm not as good enough as them? Are they Godly? Are they geniuses? Maybe some but most just worked their asses off to get wherever they are right now. And that's what I'm doing.

Sadly, for me, shifting is not an option because it literally means, you gave up that easily. You go to college to pursue a course. You choose your course so you can graduate with a proud degree with the one you want to end up . At first, I chose my course because I was lazy but then again, I learned to love my course and want to make a change someday so by saying shifting, you're mocking my dream? You're saying it's not meant for me? Even Steve Jobs said so, those who think they can change the world shouldn't be mocked, because literally they can change it.

And last but not the least, I don't wanna say this but I need to. I don't want to be a sore loser to regret things one day. I'm not the type of person who easily gives up and just let things slide. It's shameful, it's humiliating, and most of all, it's very not like me. -_- I find it sad seeing people in school who just say, "I'm doing my best" even if they aren't and It's annoying to see people who's not disciplined enough to finish a course, to a point that a 4 - year course became 6,7,8 or more years because they keep repeating and shifting. I'm not mentioning anyone, I'm just literally saying. Wake up. Your not spending your own money. That's your parents' money and they did not just picked it up from the sidewalk or just magically pull it off from their wallets. Shame. You'll just easily say the word shift without even trying? How ironic to hear people saying "I did my best," even if they never did.

Tapos dumating yung isang opportunity. Pagkatapos excited na excited na ako ang kaso lang narealize ko na may kulang akong binigay kaya yun wala na.Akala ko makakalusot na pero hindi pala.

Wala na akong magagawa stuck na ako dito. Marami pa naman akong gustong gawin habang teenager pa ako. Gusto ko sanang maexperience yung mga bagaay  na hindi ko pa nararanasan. Magpartyparty, mabuhay sa isang college dorm, at ang pinaka importante maging independent. 

Pero sinayang ko ang lahat dahil sa katangahan ko at sa pagiging careless narin. Masyado akong naexcite na nakalimutan ko ang pinaka mahalagang bagay. 

Aaminin ko masakit kasi marami akong sinakripisyong bagay para lang dun and to find out na first step palang hindi na ako qualified agad. Gusto kong magalit, sumigaw, at magwala pero what else can I do. Napass ko na. Andun na yun eh. Wala ng bawian ika nga.

I must admit dahil doon ginawa ko tong tumblr account ko. Shallow as it seems pero wala na talaga akong masabihan eh. WALA.WALA.WALA.

Actually sinabihan ko yung dad ko pero sabi nya okay lang daw. Well, sakin hindi OKAY, NEVER okay, kasi Pangarap ko yun eh. PANGARAP NA HINDI NA KAILAN MAN MATUTUPAD PA. Ang I think wala ng makakaintindi saakin.

Oo, ang nega ko talaga ngayon pero masisisi mo ba ako eh obvious naman na wala ng pagasa, hindi na nila icoconsider yun. I'm so naive!!! and I'm so stupid!! ;(

arrgghh!