#problem players

Hi Nonny, thanks for the ask.

These kinds of problems are pretty common in gaming groups and you’ll probably come across this fairly often in one form or another if you carry on with ttrpgs. Usually it’s just a case of personalities clashing or players wanting to play a different tone of game than the one the DM is running.

I’ve put some advice here but the really main thing to remember is Good Communication is Key. I know it sounds cheesy but if you can be honest and understanding and help the player to understand your POV, you’ve almost solved the problem already.

Anyway, here’s my specific advice in this situation:

Talk to your DM. They’re probably already aware of the problem if the whole group is starting to get tired of the behaviour. However, they might not realise that it’s started to affect the other players’ enjoyment. In most cases, I find it’s better for the DM to talk to players whose behaviour is causing problems. It’s their table and they tend to be the defacto ‘leader’ of the group.

Support your DM. Your DM might feel nervous or worried about talking to the player and need your (and the other players’) support. I do NOT mean to say that you should all gang up on the player. Rather, talk through with your DM ideas for the best way to approach talking to the player in a kind and constructive way. In most cases, it really is best if the DM can privately talk to the player, otherwise it can feel like the whole group is criticising them (which isn’t the best way to bring them round to your POV).

Be honest but be kind too. If it’s you talking to the player rather than the DM (for whatever reason) make sure you keep it low key and away from the group. This will keep the discussion more relaxed. Be honest with the player that you, and the rest of the group, really want to play a more serious game and that their behaviour is making it difficult to do that. At the same time, remember that this player most likely has zero malicious intent and is just playing in a way that is fun to them. So don’t be harsh or accusatory. 

Keep focussed on solutions. Try to think of talking to the player as brainstorming a way that all of you can have fun around the gaming table. That will help to keep the discussion less personal and will invite them to come up with ideas so that you can all game together and get the game you want to play. It might be that this player does want a serious game but also wants to have silly moments or the occasional goofy adventure! It might even be that they could volunteer to DM a wacky, meme-filled one-shot?

Table Rules. I don’t recommend this unless it’s pretty much the last resort before kicking a player from the table. It really does have the potential to go very badly wrong if done for the wrong reasons and can cause more problems than it solves. I used to recommend this much more frequently but now I would advise some caution in case the rules take over the group. However, if the player persists in disrupting play whilst claiming that they will change, it might be best to set some table rules for your group. These should be a short list of rules that the group all agree to and can include things like ‘Respect the tone of the scene’ or ‘Story > Individual Role-play’, etc.

Ask them to leave. If the player can’t/won’t compromise with the group, it might be time to ask them to leave. Again, honestly and kindness is key here. They might be very upset and that’s pretty natural. They might feel like they haven’t done anything wrong. But at the end of the day, if the group isn’t having fun, then there’s no point carrying on and so it might be time to have that difficult conversation.

Find a new group. If your DM and the other players don’t feel the same way as you (which it doesn’t sound like it but just in case), it’s sad to say but it might be time to find a new gaming group. If you’re not having fun, it’s better to find a group that works better for you.

I hope that’s helpful Nonny! I know if can be difficult but it’s something most veteran players and DMs have gone through so you’re definitely not on your own here.

(continued)…

I want to clarify that this player had no character driven motivation behind why he left the party out of the puzzle or killed the npc that complied with his every threat after having done nothing to hurt or even impede his character. 

Thanks for the additional info; it actually answered the questions I was about to ask on the situation.  

It really sounds like this is a problem player, not a problem character, which means there needs to be some kind of outside conversation.  I don’t know if this is a friendly game with folks that all enjoy spending time together, of if it’s more of a pick-up group from your local gaming shop, or something in between.  In either case, you should probably talk to the player about what they want to get out of playing an RPG, and how they think their actions impact the other players.

Everyone should get to have fun, if their actions are preventing other folks (even the GM) from having fun, that issue needs to be raised.  Now, it’s entirely possible that this person thinks this is no big deal and doesn’t really think these things would impact anyone else.  These are the sort of issues I like to raise with the “Same Page Tool.”  If it’s this early in the campaign, I don’t think it’s too late to let the player know they need to be a bit more of a “team player” so everyone else can have fun, too.  If they’re looking for a group more comfortable with inter-player confrontation, then maybe you could just say that they probably won’t be happy with the way you’re going to run the campaign.

Just because I can.

Greed: Loot hogging - gathering up and hoarding everything you find and never sharing with the party. Stealing from the party, too, no doubt.

Envy: Stealing the spotlight from other players. Demanding your character get something special that another character has (such as demanding the DM give you wings when a character turns out to be an aasimar). Interrupting a player taking advantage of a specialized skill to do it yourself.

Gluttony: This one's a little tricky...in order to avoid the fatphobic modern depiction of gluttony, I'm using the definition on wikipedia: overindulgence and overconsumption of anything to the point of waste. So in that vein, I'll say: excessively consuming one-time use items such as potions when it's not necessary. Kinda mild comparatively, and not as common as the others, but it's what I've got.

Pride: Main Character Syndrome. Insisting your character is The Best and The Coolest and demanding that everything be easy for them. Bonus points if they're powerplayed to hell and back and stupidly OP. With maybe a hint of creating a self-insertive character such that you feel personally attacked when something bad happens. (Not saying that self-inserts are inherently bad, you just REALLY need to be careful about that bleed risk)

Sloth: Chronic tardiness with no excuse. Not paying attention. Playing a character who refuses to buy in.

Lust: Needlessly horny. Constantly making sexual jokes or references at inappropriate times. Attempting to romance or have sex with every NPC or PC you meet, and refusing to stop when turned down. Insisting on narrating or rolling for sex scenes instead of fading to black.

i’ve started DMing for a small group of people i know who have never played dnd before

i’ve played a few sessions and i have some major issues with them that i’ve tried to bring up but they aren’t doing anything about (might be my communication skills aren’t helping)

if anyone has any advice or tips on how to help me that would be great. i really want to keep playing with these people

I run a 5e game every saturday, in my own world I’ve made, which is fun. I’ve got 3 players which enjoy my world, and 1 player who. Well, he likes to smash things. 

He’s honestly not the brightest, but he really enjoys playing, and to be frank, he’s my most reliable player in terms of showing up, and giving me a good heads up if he’s going to miss a session, which, I’m sure, some DMs can really appreciate. 

However, he’s, shall we say, not the most socially adept, and to make it even worse, this is an online game, where a lot of the social cues we get are simply not available, as we can’t see each other, so we’re relying almost entirely on vocal indicators, which is a bit lacking in terms of actual social cues. 

One issue we have is that he had a tendency to want to run off by himself to do something that his character wants, and usually it’s something pretty unreasonable, and it tends to leave the rest of the players hanging while I try to direct him back to the actual game we’re playing. 

I run a game where, if you do something stupid, you’re probably going to have a bad day. But, for whatever reason, he seems to navigate these situations he creates without actually crossing the line into actual ‘the bear eats you’ territory. 

Today, one of my other players finally had a enough, and brought it up during the game. There was a brief conversation about it, and the player seemed a bit taken aback, and got quite for awhile while the rest of the players moved the game forward. 

After the session ended for the day, the player and I were the last ones in the chat(again, it’s an online game, and given the geographical locations of my players, there’s no chance of it being anything else), and he asked me if he was a bad player.

So this led to an actual, very overdue, discussion about how there’s other players in the game and it’s not super cool to wander off by yourself and trying to do something that’s wildly unlikely to even succeed for a large period of time while the other players are just hanging out waiting. 

I took pains to make sure that the gist of the conversation was that he was simply missing some indications and that I perhaps needed to be more direct with him in terms of ‘no that will not work’, and stressing that, in fact, he was not a bad player. 

I honestly should have had this conversation with him awhile ago, but I suck at initiating things like that. Perhaps a failing on my part, as a GM. However, the point is, sometimes you have to have these conversations, and honestly, the player may not even REALIZE that there’s an issue, and when they find out, they might be a bit mortified to learn they’ve been creating an issue for everyone. 

So I’m running Tomb of Annihilation. It’s going slowly. It doesn’t help that the group can’t seem to get together more than once a month, but that’s neither here nor there.

The group has already passed the deadline for saving the quest giver. By over a week. They change their collective mind on what they’re doing constantly. Which is to be expected, and I’ve been prepared for since day one. No big deal.

What is a big deal: The last 3 or 4 sessions have been spent in travel from Kir Sabal to Nangalore, getting through Nangalore, and preparing to leave again. Then they decide to go back to Kir Sabal, and beyond that to Needle’s Bones.

The idea is that they want to go raid the possible hoard there in the hopes of finding better weapons and such. Which is a legitimate thing.

At the same time every last one of the players has openly admitted that they “could have probably gotten lots of stuff, but we just never finish anything” and that they have “passed a lot of things we could have done”. So they missed out on both loot and major xp. 

Now, my conundrum.

They are currently level 4. If they travel to either the Heart of Ubtao or to Omu, they would be at an appropriate level to explore Omu by the time they get there. (Suggested minimum level is 5, and there are 5 players.) Well.... if they explored some of what would be presented to them. But since they’re not doing anything unless they are specifically attacked, the only way to ensure they get xp or loot or anything is to have them constantly under attack???

But if they take the time to go back toward Needle’s Bones, not only would they possibly be OP (which I can compensate for), but it would also allow time for the artifact to have grown in power (which is a thing specifically outlined in the book) and literally goes directly against the objective of the entire module. Y’know. Find the artifact and either neutralize or destroy it. 

So... Do I simply make the trek back incredibly difficult? Do I find a way to provide quick transport? Do I write in some sort of effect from the artifact gaining power?