#probably silly

Red hair = 'kissed by fire'

R'hllor resurrections involve a fiery kiss

People who have been resurrected = Beric Dondarrion + Catelyn Tully/Stark

Hair colours of Beric + Catelyn?! = red

So I've always lived (burdened) myself with the idea that I'll find someone, I guess idealy who would love me for me, and that we would be happy, and...yeah, have a family (like I shit y'all not, I have this whole vision in my head), and while that's all nice and dandy and lovely--I dunno, it's not what I want now.

While I do want that, I want to get to the big stuff first.

I want my book(s) published. Being a writer is basically all I've ever wanted as a child growing up, everything I wanted to be always came down to writing. Working on Book 1 of this Arthurian series my buddy and I are doing has made me so incredibly happy (and it's given me so many gray hairs like wtf). There is a smell in the wind of possible publishing, my optimism levels for this are surprisingly high, we're almost done with the first draft, the ending to book 1 is done, and all it needs is a nice middle. I am a writer, that is what I want to do.

I want to graduate college with a history and literature degree, and holy shit...let me tell y'all how stressful this is. The time and place for this is just now showing up after failed admissions exams, failed moving plans, failed expectations, and the pressure of myself and family. It...it was not a good past 5 months, I was not in a good place, and I'm slowly getting out of it. Now it seems like I finally have an opportunity, I just gotta work with it, and hopefully I'll be alright.

And--well, and that makes me happy now, the S/O can wait, the family can wait. I'll be glad and thankful when they come by, but for now, I want to focus on the books, on school, on getting myself to a better emotionally and financially stable place.

Its probably nothing deep.

Maybe it was when young teenage me hoped for a vampire to come out of the shadows.

Or when i realised that theres nothing scary in the dark just the same room, the same street and the same stuff just with the light turned off.

Or maybe just maybe it was something deep.

Like finding comfort in the dark.

You cant see me in the dark so you cant judge me, same thing goes the other way.

Idk.