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GOBLIN GAZETTE CLASSIFIEDS
Vol. I β Strange Requests & Slightly Cursed Offers
Filed under: Unwise Employment, Haunted Objects,
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Must have strong moral flexibility and no known allergies to toadstools, venom, or indirect curses.
Perks: potential immunity, eternal notoriety, a cool scar (maybe).
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Missing: One Sock (and All Trust)
Last seen beside the creek. Answers to βLefty.β Suspected betrayal.
Reward offered in untraceable favors.
Do not follow the whispers.
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Shows truths, lies, and last weekβs regret. Slightly haunted.
β Emotionally available ghost
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Apprentice Needed β Potion Mishaps Division
Seeking resilient assistant to contain (and clean up after) volatile concoctions.
Must enjoy chaos and the smell of melted glass.
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Found muttering under the stairs.
If itβs yours, collect it immediately.
Itβs begun whispering our secrets.
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Single Moss Clump Seeks New Host
Soft, clingy, prone to existential dread.
Comes with optional snail companion.
No judgment. No questions.
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Hat Rack Available (Possibly Sentient)
Will not tolerate fedoras.
Needs a home with firm boundaries.
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Editorβs Note: Classifieds are printed as received. We assume no responsibility for outcomes, hauntings, or contracts sealed in moss.