hi are you doing ok bc u havent been online for a really long time and im kinda worried sorry
Yes, Iām okay. And Iāve been meaning to make a post about my absence anyways, so Iāll do that now.
Iāve hit a rough patch in my life. I recently had to leave my living arrangements with my boyfriend (not for any boyfriend related reasons, weāre still very much in love and together) and we now live about 700 miles apart from each other. I live with my parents again. This has been the situation for about a month. I have been working tirelessly trying to find a new job and a place for both of us to live (he is in the process of getting a job here). I now have a job that will be starting in a couple of weeks and weāre getting a house lined up. Essentially, the past couple of months have been 100% taken up by adult-ey things.
On top of all of this, Iāve been pretty depressed lately (due largely to not having my boyfriend around; long-distance relationships are doable, but when youāre used to them always being there, it makes it 10 times harder than if itās been long-distance the whole time. And I have never, EVER been down for a long distance relationship prior to Tyler. If it was going to be long-distance, I cut it off because I knew my limitations and I always felt it was better for us both to pursue people we could actually be in contact with. But I actually want to MARRY Tyler. He and I are the real deal. So doing this for us is something I can handle). Wow, that was a long parenthetic statementā¦
Anyway, Iāve been depressed lately and Iāve got a few medical issues Iāve been pretty worried about. Iām going to the doctor very soon. The easiest way to put it is that my arthritis is getting MUCH worse, I likely have carpal tunnel syndrome, my back is doing things it shouldnāt, and Iām having some pretty serious issues with my birth control and the types of periods Iām having (lovely, I know).
I also need to talk to the doctor about my eating habits. Iām becoming increasingly aware that I may have a form of eating disorder (possibly anorexia??). I donāt have the textbook mentality that Iām overweight (in fact, I wish I could put on some weight) but aside from that, Iāve been experiencing an extreme aversion to food in general, and Iāve been fluctuating from one extreme (not wanting to eat at all and feeling nauseous just at the thought of food) to another (eating everything I can get my hands on). I do think this is largely due to stress and Iām not too worried, but itās still something I want to head off before it turns into the norm for me.
So, Iāve just had a LOT on my mind and on my plate and I havenāt had the mind set to be able to sit down and kill time on tumblr lately, as much as Iād like to.
To fans of Follow Me Down, I have not given up. The next chapter is sitting half-finished in my writing folder. Thereās a good chance that Iām going to supplement the next couple of chapters for some stuff I have written for Pyro, as the next little bit is going to be confusing if I donāt fill the reader in. Initially, it was going to be contained in its own story (and may one day still be) but for the time being, I think itās just going to be an intermission (like the one I did about Heavy and Medic). Iām also going to do this because I simply donāt have the creative juices to knock out the next couple of chapters. But you guys have been so patient and kind and encouraging that I feel I need to give you SOMETHING. And Iām really proud of the parts I have written for Pyro. I wrote them during a surge of really fantastic creative flow and they sound great and Iāve been wanting to share them for a while. SO I really hope they make up for me not being able to push Max and Wilās story along further yet. It is PLANNED. I know whatās happening. I know how itās going to end. And finishing it is going to be really personal and emotional for me. And I canāt wait, I really canāt. Iām just not in a good place right now, and I really hope you guys understand. Iām so appreciative of everything youāve said to encourage me to keep going and every compliment youāve given me, you guys are just the absolute best and Iād give anything to be able to give each and every one of you a hug.
So thatās whatās been happening. Iām really sorry for my absence and Iāll try to be around a little more now that things are starting to settle down. Iām okay, just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Thank you for being worried. I really appreciate that you took the time to message me. Ā It means a lot. <3