hi are you doing ok bc u havent been online for a really long time and im kinda worried sorry
Yes, I’m okay. And I’ve been meaning to make a post about my absence anyways, so I’ll do that now.
I’ve hit a rough patch in my life. I recently had to leave my living arrangements with my boyfriend (not for any boyfriend related reasons, we’re still very much in love and together) and we now live about 700 miles apart from each other. I live with my parents again. This has been the situation for about a month. I have been working tirelessly trying to find a new job and a place for both of us to live (he is in the process of getting a job here). I now have a job that will be starting in a couple of weeks and we’re getting a house lined up. Essentially, the past couple of months have been 100% taken up by adult-ey things.
On top of all of this, I’ve been pretty depressed lately (due largely to not having my boyfriend around; long-distance relationships are doable, but when you’re used to them always being there, it makes it 10 times harder than if it’s been long-distance the whole time. And I have never, EVER been down for a long distance relationship prior to Tyler. If it was going to be long-distance, I cut it off because I knew my limitations and I always felt it was better for us both to pursue people we could actually be in contact with. But I actually want to MARRY Tyler. He and I are the real deal. So doing this for us is something I can handle). Wow, that was a long parenthetic statement…
Anyway, I’ve been depressed lately and I’ve got a few medical issues I’ve been pretty worried about. I’m going to the doctor very soon. The easiest way to put it is that my arthritis is getting MUCH worse, I likely have carpal tunnel syndrome, my back is doing things it shouldn’t, and I’m having some pretty serious issues with my birth control and the types of periods I’m having (lovely, I know).
I also need to talk to the doctor about my eating habits. I’m becoming increasingly aware that I may have a form of eating disorder (possibly anorexia??). I don’t have the textbook mentality that I’m overweight (in fact, I wish I could put on some weight) but aside from that, I’ve been experiencing an extreme aversion to food in general, and I’ve been fluctuating from one extreme (not wanting to eat at all and feeling nauseous just at the thought of food) to another (eating everything I can get my hands on). I do think this is largely due to stress and I’m not too worried, but it’s still something I want to head off before it turns into the norm for me.
So, I’ve just had a LOT on my mind and on my plate and I haven’t had the mind set to be able to sit down and kill time on tumblr lately, as much as I’d like to.
To fans of Follow Me Down, I have not given up. The next chapter is sitting half-finished in my writing folder. There’s a good chance that I’m going to supplement the next couple of chapters for some stuff I have written for Pyro, as the next little bit is going to be confusing if I don’t fill the reader in. Initially, it was going to be contained in its own story (and may one day still be) but for the time being, I think it’s just going to be an intermission (like the one I did about Heavy and Medic). I’m also going to do this because I simply don’t have the creative juices to knock out the next couple of chapters. But you guys have been so patient and kind and encouraging that I feel I need to give you SOMETHING. And I’m really proud of the parts I have written for Pyro. I wrote them during a surge of really fantastic creative flow and they sound great and I’ve been wanting to share them for a while. SO I really hope they make up for me not being able to push Max and Wil’s story along further yet. It is PLANNED. I know what’s happening. I know how it’s going to end. And finishing it is going to be really personal and emotional for me. And I can’t wait, I really can’t. I’m just not in a good place right now, and I really hope you guys understand. I’m so appreciative of everything you’ve said to encourage me to keep going and every compliment you’ve given me, you guys are just the absolute best and I’d give anything to be able to give each and every one of you a hug.
So that’s what’s been happening. I’m really sorry for my absence and I’ll try to be around a little more now that things are starting to settle down. I’m okay, just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Thank you for being worried. I really appreciate that you took the time to message me. It means a lot. <3
