#primate 2025

Say what you will about Primate (2025)'s writing or plausibility, the use of practical effects over CGI was not lost on me. While it was obvious the ape wasn't real, you still felt like SOMETHING was actually there and the actors weren't just blindly reacting to tennis balls on sticks. What a huge difference that makes.

primate (2025) is such a deeply deeply stupid movie that had all the pieces to make a really good camp horror movie but managed to not put any of them together which is kind of impressive like when you score a test worse than if the responses were random. where to even begin. when they introduced sign language i was like ohh this is how they're gonna talk to the chimp but the chimp literally never signed. it's not clear that it knew how to. none of these girls even once thought to use an improvised weapon like come on there's a thousand things around you that would make spears. grab a kitchen knife good lord. you would also think that the chimp's intelligence would be the selling point to this creature feature like when the velociraptors in jurassic park do some like coordinated attack shit. a smart creature is scary and what's smarter than a chimp. only us. literally all they had to do was do some scary human coordinated attack on the chimp to idk show our evolutionary superiority or whatever like that just makes sense subject-matter wise. it'd be some good anthropocentric satisfaction. at least the chimp was stupid too like the best it could do was try to open a door handle. like is this really the best we can imagine a creature with opposable thumbs doing. i liked that the meangirl was the smartest one but she was sooooooo underutilized. they introduced the whole love triangle plot and it literally never came up again. they introduced the sad cancer mom backstory and it literally never came up again. they got the floatie and they didn't even put the tween who was bleeding out in the water on it. and then after spending the whole movie bleeding out in the pool from the chimp scooping out the front of her thigh she was walking around in the climax. the kills were boring except for the homoerotic ape on chad rape threat. just fascinating choices all around

Primate (2025) aka “the rabid chimp movie” has just, unnecessarily gory deaths