#preisdent

The Obvious Problem With Billionaire Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz Threatening to Run for President

Democrats are gearing up for the 2020 presidential election. Several have already announced or made clear their intentions to run and take down President Donald Trump. The early ramp-up seems to be bringing contenders out of the woodwork, but not all of them are Democrats. One is a billionaire former CEO who's getting a lot of attention for flirting with the idea of an independent campaign.

Howard Schultz, the man credited with making Starbucks coffee into the omnipresent commercial force it is, has said in interviews with 60 Minutes and The New York Times that he’s thinking about running as an independent.

“I am seriously thinking of running for president,” Schultz told 60 Minutes in an interview that aired on January 27. “I will run as a centrist independent, outside of the two-party system.… Both parties are consistently not doing what's necessary on behalf of the American people and are engaged, every single day, in revenge politics.” Schultz told the Times he’s planning to make a decision during an upcoming three-month book tour.

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If you were the police commissioner of Gotham City, would you find it necessary to light up the Bat-signal when confronted with the evidence contained in your report on the president?

We’ve all heard the saying, “Caught red-handed”; would you say that it’s possible to also be caught orange-handed?

Let’s speculate that our current political situation were an Agatha Christie novel; would you say that these hearings represent the last few pages of that novel?

At the next State Of The Union address, could the president’s introduction be slightly modified to “Mr. Speaker, the president of the United States: Come out with your hands up!!”?

Do you know if UberEats will deliver McDonalds to a typical state-run prison?

If the president were a roguish young male circling your dwelling, and the Constitution was your teenaged daughter, would you quickly fit her with a chastity belt?

Would you compare Trump and Putin more closely to late era Simon & Garfunkel, or early era Hall & Oates?

illustration by John Daly