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"Talk to me about what I’m feeling and thinking, please"
"Bids can also be hard to decipher when the bidder doesn’t acknowledge his or her own needs for connection. When that happens, bids can get disguised as something else - usually anger or sadness"
When bids for an emotional connection, security, and stress relief are not satisfied, crying fits, temper tantrums, sassiness and belligerence are possible outcomes (p.34).
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If you see past a person’s anger, sadness, or fear to recognize the hidden need, you open up new possibilities for relationship
The Relationship Cure by John M. Gottman, Ph.D (p.36).
"Negative Sentiment Override"
This is when the bidder has an “overwhelming negative feeling about the relationship that overrides positive events happening in the moment”. This happens when a person becomes hypervigilant or oversensitive to insult, which causes them to think that other people aren’t responding well to their bids. What happens is that they start to look for solid evidence that people are treating them badly, and they succeed because they are so hypervigilant to peoples reactions to them (p.47).
