Remus was like those paintings that you can't look away from in museums. You know the ones that practically drag you by the front of your shirt to stand in front of it. And you stand there, just staring up at it in its entirety, tears rolling down your face for a reason you can't name. The painting reaches out, opening its arms like a mother, and as it caresses your cheek it says, "It's okay, I understand." Remus was like that, he'd make you fall to pieces in a public setting, he'd make you feel whole again with just one glance. 

Sirius watched as Remus flitted about the room gathering materials. He shifted awkwardly on the PT table. His foot didn’t look right out of his cast, he hadn't stopped staring at it since last week when he got his cast off. He hated this, feeling weak. He was nervous, what if he never played the same again, what if he couldn’t play again, what if his skates never fit the same-

“Okay Pads, let’s get started yeah?” Remus looked at him with a soft open smile. 

Remus Remus Remus. His heart beat in time with the syllables. It was dangerous, he felt like he was on a cliff looking down at the drop below. It was deep, he had a long way to fall. He was terrified that everything in him screamed to jump. 

He nodded at Remus, a nervous smile tugging at his lips. Remus walked over to the end of the table, carefully taking off the soft brace that Sirius still had on his ankle. Sirius cringed at the phantom pains that seemed to emanate up his leg. 

Remus noticed, stopping his movements immediately. “Are you okay? That doesn’t hurt right?” 

Sirius blushed, feeling embarrassed. “No! No, it’s just…,” he trailed off, vaguely gesturing at his head. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

A look of understanding crossed Remus’s face. “Ah, your brain is messing with you. That’s okay, phantom pains are very common.” Remus cleared his throat and moved his hand slightly up Sirius’s leg to his shin and reassuringly rubbed his hand back and forth. “If you ever want to stop just let me know okay? If it ever gets hard physically or mentally we’ll stop and take a break. We’ll go at your speed.” 

Sirius blushed harder, bringing his hands up to cover his face. “Ouais okay, sorry that was stupid.” 

“It wasn’t stupid at all, I want you to be comfortable. Can I continue?” 

Sirius dropped his hands into his lap and gave a little nod. When Remus got the brace off, he ran his fingers along Sirius’s ankle and foot, checking the tendons and bones. Sirius tried not to shiver at his touch, he failed. His eyes trailed up Remus’s arm to his face where he could see his caramel lashes fan over the highpoints of his cheek. Remus had a freckle right below his ear, Sirius had never allowed himself to look long enough to notice before. He was looking now. 

Remus turned to look at him. “It looks perfect.” 

“Quoi…oh! Oh, that’s,” Sirius cleared his throat, “that’s good.” 

“Okay, this being our first session we’re going to go easy.” Remus took Sirius’s foot in his hands. “I’m going to warn you, it’s not going to be exactly…comfortable, but if anything hurts, or twinges, or stings you tell me immediately, okay?” Sirius nodded. “Okay, so what I’m going to do first is help you roll your ankle in a slow circle ten times to the left and then ten times to the right, ready?” 

Sirius sucked in a nervous breath, he hadn’t moved his ankle in months, his mind flitted through images of it breaking again upon the first movement and being sent right back to the hospital. He closed his eyes, pushing all the thoughts from his brain, and took a deep breath. This was Remus, he was with Remus, Remus would never let that happen. “Yeah, I’m ready.” 

Remus started to slowly move Sirius’s foot. He was right, it wasn’t comfortable. He felt like his ankle joint had rusted, he could practically hear the groaning of metal as it moved. It freaked him out a little bit. 

Remus seemed to see the slight panic on his face and started talking.   

“So, what do you usually do on Thursday nights at 7PM instead of hanging out with the coolest person you know while he awkwardly touches parts of your body?” Sirius laughed. He laughed like he never knew what sadness was. He laughed like he was alive, the breaths he dragged in after felt like his first. It was silly but he felt reborn in that fluorescent lighting sitting on a slightly sticky padded table. He could feel a page turn, a new chapter beginning. Remus beamed up at him. 

“Oh, you didn’t tell me Pots was here.” Sirius pretended to look around for James. Remus’s mouth dropped open in mock offense. 

“Jeez, tell me how you really feel. But really, what does Gryffindor Lions Captain Sirius Black get up to around this time of night.” 

“Before or after the ankle?” 

Remus shrugged. “Both.” 

Sirius thought for a moment. Remus had switched directions, he hadn’t noticed. “Hmm, well before the ankle I’d usually go down to the basement and skate, do drills, that type of stuff.” 

“You skate in your basement?!” 

“Yeah, I have a synthetic rink.” 

“Oh of course you do, you have a synthetic ice rink in your house. The most normal sentence to say to anybody, very casual.” 

Sirius blushed and bit back a smile. “Shut up! Anyways, now I usually review tape around this time of night.” Remus snorted. “I don’t know what you're laughing at, it's not funny.” Sirius couldn’t wipe the smile off his face if he tried. 

Remus peered up at Sirius cheekily. “It’s kind of funny.” 

“You're the worst.” Remus started to laugh out loud. “I want a new physical therapist.” 

“Too bad, you're stuck with me.” 

They fell into a surprisingly comfortable silence after that. Sirius was looking at the ceiling, counting the divots in each tile to keep himself from looking at Remus. He was sure once he looked at him again he’d never be able to stop. After a couple of minutes Remus spoke up again. 

“Do you have any other hobbies that occupy your time?” He sounded genuine now, like he really wanted to know instead of teasing. Sirius knew he shouldn’t, he couldn’t. This was a bad idea, he couldn’t look at Remus right now and open up to him. It would be lovely, entirely too lovely, and he would bleed when it inevitably got ripped away from him. Jump, his body screamed, Feel the wind in your hair as you fall. Sirius resisted the urge. What happens when I hit the ground? 

“Sirius?” Sirius closed his eyes at Remus’s voice. He was a goner, he’d been walking towards the edge of that cliff since the moment he saw those kind eyes in that press room. There’s only so long he could prolong the inevitable. Remus was the moon and he pulled Sirius towards him as easily as he would the tides. 

“Drawing,” Sirius coughed lightly, “I like to draw. I’m not good or anything, but I don’t know, I find it…soothing, I guess.” Sirius wound his fingers together, fidgeting in the intimacy of the moment. “I’ve never told anyone that before.” 

Remus was silent for a beat. “I’m honored.” 

He sounded earnest, like he really meant it and Sirius, Sirius was a fool. He looked up and immediately locked eyes with Remus, and those eyes. Remus was the moon, but his eyes were daylight. Sirius could feel the shadows in his mind being chased away under his gaze. It was addictive to feel like he was golden, like when Remus looked at him he sparkled. He wanted to curl up here, in the pooled sunshine Remus placed on the table. He could feel himself take another step towards the edge of the cliff. 

They went through the rest of the exercises with relative ease. Remus kept Sirius laughing and that made it easier, a tension had been worked out of his shoulders by the end of the session without Remus ever having to touch them. Remus handed him sheets of paper explaining his physical therapy workouts to do at home with some resistance bands. He only ribbed Sirius about making sure he actually did the exercises a little as he walked him out of the PT room. 

“You did good today Cap, I’m proud of you.” 

A blush spread over Sirius’s cheek at that. Sirius was favoring his good foot and still walking with a single crutch for support. He didn’t feel like it was something to be proud of, he couldn’t help the bolt of anxiety that suddenly flared up his spine. He caught Remus’s hand when he turned to leave. 

“Loops…what if, what if I don’t get better enough to play again?” Sirius swallowed, his throat felt like sandpaper. 

“I don’t think that’s going to happen, you're recovering beautifully.” 

Sirius closed his eyes, ducking his head a bit. “Okay, but if…if–” 

“If…it turns out you don't get there in the end,…I would still be proud of you.” Sirius’s eyes flashed open in disbelief and wonderment. Remus was smiling at him like it was the simplest truth in the world. “Good night, Cap.” Remus squeezed Sirius’s hand before letting go.

Sirius watched as Remus turned and walked down the hall to leave. “Bonne nuit,” he whispered breathlessly into the empty air. 

Talker, as they all called him, gave three brisk knocks and the door opened barely a moment later. “Heya, Black.”

Sirius gave a nod in acknowledgement to them and waved them in. “Hi guys. You can go ahead and hang your coats in the closet. Celeste said everything’s about done so then go ahead and take a seat. I’ll be right back.” Sirius shut the door behind them and then made his way down the stairs to the basement, presumably to his room.

Remus noticed he seemed a bit nervous around a lot of people, especially when the team went out, but even at larger gatherings at one of their houses. And even though Sirius lived here, he still didn’t seem to be at home here. At least, that’s what he overheard Dumo saying to Pots after practice in the lounge the other day when James had inquired how Sirius had been adjusting after months of being in Gryffindor.

Remus shook his head back to the present and followed Talker and the smell of amazing cooking into the kitchen where they found some empty seats around one of the makeshift fold out tables that were scattered about. An empty chair was left next to Remus that was soon filled by Sirius, who had walked up and rose an eyebrow in question, to which Remus nodded for him to take a seat.

The food started flowing soon after, as did conversation which was never at a lull with James Potter and Thomas Walker around and trying to include everyone, Remus and an especially quiet rookie Sirius. Remus had to admit, he was having a great time; laughing freely and savoring the food that lived up to the hype from the team.

At one point he laughed maybe a bit too hard, quickly devolving into a short coughing fit.

Talker gave him a few pats on the back, “Alright there, Loops?”

Remus cleared his throat and rasped out, “Yeah, sorry.”

“He’s just enjoying Celeste’s cooking a bit too much.” James joked. “Celeste, I hate vegetables but these green beans are divine. How?”

“Cooked them with almond butter and sliced almonds, really helps give it more flavor.”

“Ah, well I’ll have to try that next ti—”

“Excuse me.” Remus’ voice was a bit scratchy as he got up from the table to grab a glass of water and head towards the entryway, away from the crowd.

Almonds. Of course it just had to be tree nuts, didn’t it? Just his luck.

Remus rummaged through the front hall closet to look for his coat, just beginning to pull it off the hanger when a shadow fell over him as someone approached.

“Hey. Are- Are you leaving?” Came Sirius’ timid voice. “I hope the crowd wasn’t too much, I know lot’s of people make me nervous too.”

Remus finally got his jacket free, immediately rummaging through the zipped inside pocket and retrieving his epi-pen. “No, it’s not that…” He got out before coughing lightly. He dropped his coat and leaned back against the wall, bending his legs slightly and taking out the pen. He took a deep breath to steel his nerves, “Let me know when it’s been three seconds.”

Remus did his best to hold back a wince as he stabbed himself in the thigh and heard a distressed noise from Sirius.

“Okay, oui, three seconds.”

“Thank you.” Remus placed the pen back in the holder to dispose of later and tossed in on top of his jacket. He leaned his head back against the wall and rolled his head to the side to look over at Sirius. “Sorry. Almonds. Allergy.”

“Are you okay?” Sirius look more that a little freaked. Panicked might be a better word. “H- Call? Nine un un? Hospital?”

Remus let out a chuckle at Sirius fumbling for words, hoping it would calm him a bit. “No,” Remus cleared his throat. “I’ll be fine. Could, um, could you actually grab me some water? I think I’m going to sit for a bit, away from everyone.”

“Oui. Viens- Come. We can sit on the stairs.” He tentatively reached out to Remus and lead him to the basement door, walking down just a few steps and motioning for Remus to sit. He left and came back a moment later with a cold bottle of water and sat on the stairs next to him, closing the door just above him, muffling the sounds of the team just upstairs.

“Sorry, I—”

“Don’t apologize. We should have asked of anyone had allergies. You could have asked, too, Celeste wouldn’t have minded. I can tell her for next time. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Remus let out a huffed laugh; he was pretty sure that was the most Sirius had spoken to him ever. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine. Not that severe an allergy. More embarrassed than anything.” He opened the water and chugged down half of it in one go. “Usually, I’m more careful about noticing if there’s something I’m allergic to. But I’ll be find, just need some air for a minute. Crowds can be a little suffocating, right?”

It was Sirius’ turn to huff out a laugh, “Oui. I usually don’t even make it to the end of these things without hiding in my room a couple times. The quiet helps calm me in the middle of the chaos.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Remus finished off the bottle of water, setting it down by his feet. “I think I’ll need a bit before heading back out there, you?”

“Oui, same. The stairs, uh, aren’t that comfortable. Do you want to maybe come sit in my room for a few minutes before heading back? I think Adele left me her Gameboy, I could show you my pokemans?”