#prayersforbobby

“How I am able to relate to the true story the film-’Prayers for Bobby’ was based from”

Reflective Essay (Not a movie review) written by: Marie Rosalina D. Valencia (Grade 12 HUMSS Quartz)

After watching the 2009 Drama film known as “Prayers for Bobby” starring Sigourney Weaver and Ryan Kelley presented in the Google Meet meeting by my teacher in Creative Nonfiction class, there are a lot of things that I was able to realize. I have learned so much about the story-all based on a true story-the story of Mary Griffith herself and her son Bobby Griffith. In this essay, I will share my own story and experience related to the events of the film-or rather, the true story that happened to the characters in real life, at the same time try to prevent myself from sharing too many spoilers for people who have not seen the film yet. Anyone can read the plot or summary of the film on Wikipedia. It can also be watched on this YoutTube link I believe is the same link my teacher presented in our gmeet class. 

When I was a young teenager, I never found myself questioning my sexuality like other people I knew, mainly because I considered myself as a girl who has had previous crushes on boys and thought of having one as a partner and marrying one as a husband in the future. But I never experienced any issues with people who became honest with their sexuality towards me and told me that they are part of the LGBTQ+ community, most of them have become my dearest friends now that are able to freely express themselves-their personality around me, as well as I am able to freely express myself and my personality around them, though I make sure that the jokes I throw at them are not sensitive to who they are, being cautious and careful with my words making sure I do not say something unintentional that can offend them or hurt their feelings. Most of my friends are bisexual, and other friends I have who are considered straight like I am-say that they do not have any issues with people part of the LGBTQ+ community and would love to have them as friends, but not as partners. We are all open to each of our ideas about being in relationships and our sexualities. My mother has also told me before that back when she was working, she had so many friends who are gay, some now turned transgender, and she said they are really fun people to be with and hang out with, and I can agree on that as some of her friends have become my aunts and uncles and as a child I also found myself enjoying being in their company and looking up to them as the fun adults we both knew. 

I have also had teachers that are gay, other friends that are also gay, and to me, being around them and seeing their personality shine makes me want to make the people they will eventually meet in the future and fall in love with realize just how special they are being themselves. My friends and I also look up to international singers from the music industry that are part of the LGBTQ+ community as well, singers like Hayley Kiyoko, Halsey, Tove Lo, Troye Sivan, Lynn Gunn, Fletcher, Pabllo Vittar and Kim Petras-listen to their music days on end, inspired by the way they freely express themselves through music. These previously mentioned singers have taught me growing up how it’s okay to be yourself and never apologize for being who you are, and loving what you love, loving who you want to love, and these are lessons I remind my friends of every time they feel insecure or ashamed of themselves. Though, one true issue here is how my friends are not able to freely be themselves around other people-like our classmates, schoolmates, teachers, relatives-even their parents, with the initial thought that they will not be accepted for being who they are. My mother has met some of my friends and she was able to tell and figure out their sexuality somehow-and I was surprised by it but she explained she already knew since her friends acted like how my friends act like now, and she has always been open to other people and has accepted their personality no matter what, and she never told me to keep my distance from my friends or stop being friends with them, so I stick around with them and I will stick around with them until our hairs turn gray for real and without any hair dyes. She never also thought about telling their parents about her observations about my friends either since she knows it's none of her business, and it’s the responsibility of my friends to tell their parents about their sexuality-which until this very day, they are working on, I can tell, no doubt. 

I know about how worried my friends are about their parents finding out about who they really are-since some of their parents are very much religious-whether they are Christian or Catholic-they are those types of parents who are very much devoted to their religion and also believe that God only created one man and one woman. But I know that they do not, and I cannot blame them, since they practically grew up with this teaching-depending on what has been written in the Bible. This enters another true issue I can see-that is related to any teenager’s problem with their parents-how they are not able to connect or see each other eye to eye, mainly because of their beliefs. I have seen news on social media of parents disowning their children, the second they have disobeyed them-whether it was choosing to not finish school, not getting the job the parents wanted, entering a relationship with someone else when dating has rules and is forbidden, and sometimes when the child just defended themself, the parents think of it as a way of “answering back” when they are not supposed to. And it’s very sad, and heartbreaking, how my friends have developed that fear, that all of the love their family has for them, might disappear in a blink of an eye, if they had an open forum kind of conversation, so I get why they are scared. But like the priest said in the film, the markings and teachings in the Bible were written by people who disapproved of what was considered as “heinous acts” during the time they were alive, everything has practically changed now, during this age and time-it’s a new era we live in now. 

A lot of people have become open to children just wanting to be kids and to play with the toys the opposite gender has, people who prefer wearing the clothes of the opposite gender, people who love people of the same gender, people who believe they were born in the wrong body, people who want to change, in order to be themselves. That is why I think, parents, even when they have disagreements with their children, must be open to all of their thoughts and ideas, without an initial reaction of wanting to change their mind, change who they are, stop them from what they are thinking, or even wanting to kick them out of the house. It is not easy for teenagers-mostly, to figure everything out, not every teenager can have all the answers to their questions, sometimes life can be confusing, and that should be considered as okay, the teenager should not be looked down upon for being uncertain or unsure, they are teenagers after all, they will learn everything eventually when not rushed, when allowed to live at their own pace. Now that parents mostly work from home, they should take the opportunity to talk with their children, and understand their behavior, why are they acting the way that they are, and what can they do in order to help them with their problems. Since I cannot insert myself in between the conversations my friends have with their parents, all I can do is have hope that one day, there will come a time when they can converse about life, about themselves freely, without any judgment from their mothers and fathers or guardians, where they can say what they want without a second thought or to hesitate, because their parents themselves are willing to sit down and listen to the voices of their children, before anything else happens. 

Though this was not the same with how Mary Griffith dealt with Bobby in real life, I believe the movie can serve as a reminder to the children and their parents how communication is not the key to understanding one another, but comprehension and patience out of love is, in order to build a deeper and meaningful bond and connection between families, that not all children need to be healed, some, just need to be heard, before time runs out. 

A picture from a scene in the movie, and a picture of the Griffith parents at PFlag