A little one-shot after 12x23. Dean is in his room, processing Casâ death. Well, heâs trying to. [sorry for the ugly formatting...tumblr wontât let me do the things i want haha]
***
Castiel once asked Dean Winchester what he meant to him. What he really sees in Castiel. Who he is, in his eyes.
Dean could never make himself clear.
Constantly running away from the angel and avoiding every serious conversation about his feelings.
He could never find words that were enough to explain.
But then came a time, when Dean felt so tremendously sorry for always hiding his real desires and denying the fundamental fact, where his heart truly belongs. Where he wanted it to belong.
Forever.
So in the darkness of his room, several empty bottles scattered on the floor, he finds himself sitting on the chair, a piece of paper outspread on the desk in front of him, the pen hovering quiveringly over the white surface, as he begins to write.
Darling,
Who you are
Youâre my heart,
My soul,
My pure excitement
Always longing for your glance to hit me
Youâre the blue ocean at the sunrise
My morning star
My brightest light
Still every time you look at me
The world seems to disappear
Youâre the fleshly incarnation
Of everything thatâs good and shiny
Here on this doomed planet
Youâre my savior and my guide
Who led me through hell
And to myself
Heaven, Darkness, Emptiness
Can never harm us
As long as weâre together
Youâre my salvation,
My satisfaction
My longing
And the destination of my reached out hand
Youâre my lover and my friend
And you will eternally be
My beloved angel.
To CasâŚfrom Dean
The sheet of paper is blotched with tears, which were permanently dropping from Deans eyes in silent continuity. Ink stains have smudged some words, but who cares anyway.
There was nothing left to say.
He puts the letter in the drawer, next to his bed. Together with some black feathers, a button from a dress-shirt and a mixtape, Dean plans to lock it there.
Forever.
Thank you for reading guys...and sorry for the sad feelings... ;-/
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Beta: @grey2510
Now on AO3!!
Summary: Â Crowley didnât know what would happen to him after sacrificing himself, but ending up in Heaven with a whole new group of allies was never even on the list. Â He could have stayed in his own personal heaven reliving his happiest moments, but those left something to be desired. Â Together with a motley crew of deceased Winchester allies, Crowley set out on a mission to improve his afterlife.
Rating: T
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Tags: Afterlife, Family Donât End In Blood, Found Family, Canon Compliant, Post 12x23, past Dean/Crowley
Characters: Crowley, Bobby Singer, Charlie Bradbury, Eileen Leahy, Ellen Harvelle, Bill Harvelle, Jo Harvelle, Ash, Rufus Turner, Frank Devereaux, Gavin MacLeod, Fiona Duncan
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
by @grey2510 and @thayerkerbasy
Now complete!
Checking on her master, Juliet drew up short. Without looking or sniffing him, she already knew that he was hurt but wasnât in danger of dying. She hadnât had such a clear sense of anyone sinceâŚ
She shook her head. It wasnât the time for sad thoughts. A glance around the area and a quick sniff of the air revealed no more demons and that Cas was on the way. Her master was safe for the moment.
It hurt to walk. Juliet couldnât remember ever hurting that much, not even when she had been hit with the iron thing on that one hunt. She had a job to do, though. She was a good dog, and good dogs didnât stop until they were done.
âDean, I donât need anymore.â Â Cas pushed away the plate that Dean tried to set in front of him.
Dean growled and forced in to the table. Â âYou came back human.â Â He pointed at him with his newly free hand, still holding Samâs second plate of food in the other. Â âYou have to eat.â
Cas sighed. Â âBut...â Â He trailed off, staring at the food, steaming on the plate.
âWhat do you not like it?â
âItâs not that.â Â Cas slid his eyes away; he was embarrassed.
All Dean did was raise an eyebrow and tap the back of his hand to Casâ shoulder.
Sighing again, Cas deflated in his seat. Â âIâm getting fat.â Â He looked down at his pudgy stomach.
Angels didnât get fat.  Food and weight and everything was still a foreign concept to Cas in many ways.  Dean blinked twice before he peeked over to where Sam was hidden behind his computer, intently reading.  He leaned down, nudging his nose to Casâ temple and brushing his lips over his cheekbone, before whispering in his ear, âA little padding is never bad.â  He pulled away. Â
Cas looked up at him red-faced.
âDonât worry about it. Â When we go on a hunt eating and exercising switch and we balance it out.â Â Dean pat his shoulder, trying to act nonchalant around his resurrected boyfriend.
With that, Cas picked up his fork and began to eat. Â
Dean took Samâs food to him then sat next to Cas and just watched him eat. Â It was a nice feeling; he was able to take care of him and love him like humans like to do.
(1/4) Dean had to fight to stand. It was all he could do to stop his legs from giving out under the weight of this moment. "H-how--" his voice cracked. His hand was raised in a useless gesture of defense. "It's not... you. You're not him. You're a shapeshifter." Castiel smiled sadly. "Dean, if I were anything but an angel, could I have just healed you?" Dean's shoulders tensed. "Then you're some OTHER angel! You--" Cas interrupted softly. "Dean. It's me." Dean whispered. "No. Don't lie to me."
(2/4) Cas took another step forward. "Dean. I know you." Castiel drew a shaky breath and fixed his gaze. "You like to sleep with The Colt under your pillow. You make me coffee and breakfast even though I don't eat." Dean's eyes squeezed shut. "Stop." Cas didn't. He took another step. "I memorize all your phone numbers. For every phone. You're the one who first called me 'Cas'. And I know your thirteen favorite Led Zeppelin tracks. Because you gave them to me." Dean grit his teeth. "Please..."
(3/4)Cas was close enough to touch now but Dean couldn't look at him - couldn't breathe. "Dean," Cas said, very gently. "I know you. And... that's why I know how much I hurt you." Dean couldn't shoulder it anymore. His legs gave out and he feel to his knees. Cas knelt with him, reaching out a shaky hand. "I..." Cas began, voice trembling. "I'm so... so sorry. For everything. But I'm here now. It's really me. Dean." Cas's fingers hovered above Dean's shoulder, so longing but so afraid. "It's me."
(4/4) Dean tensed painfully. Then he surged forward and wrapped his arms around the angel, squeezing tight. "Of course," Dean managed with trembling words. "Of course I know it's you. You," Dean drew a shaky breath. "You idiot." Cas knelt there stunned, letting it happen, feeling himself slowly melt into the embrace. His entire existence seemed to ache as he held Dean close. "I'm sor--" But Dean cut him off. "I love you." And the ache became pure joy. Cas sighed. "Of course. Of course you knew."
This is perfect Nonny and I have no further comments.
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Yes, another Crowley survival story. Guess Iâm not through the grieving process yet... Anyway, enjoy!
Day 30
Itâs been a month since he closed the gates of Hell once and for all. Souls can still slip through â canât allow the increase in ghost activity â but thereâll be no more demons wreaking havoc apart from those who happened to be on earth when he slammed the door shut.
It gives him plenty of time to relax and occasionally visit the boys. Things have been quiet for a while now, since he conveniently showed up to kill off Satanâs spawn and Cas was miraculously brought back to life once again, human but healthy.
Heâs walking down a hallway in the bunker; Dean made it abundantly clear that he prefers it when people âknock on doors and walk through them in case I am polishing my gunâ so heâs decided to fulfil that particular wish.
A noise emitting from one of the store rooms draws his attention. With a blink of an eye, heâs standing right in the middle of it, looking down at...
Of course. A basiliskâs egg.
It has managed to open its box and roll halfway across the floor.
Thereâs a pair of gloves and pliers lying nearby, proving the boys already know that itâs unbearably hot to the touch for anything thatâs not an evil entity.
He reaches out and takes it in his hand.
Huh. It even feels warm for him, and thatâs saying something.
He carefully puts it back in the box. As he leaves the room, Dean strolls into the hallway.
âCrowleyâ.
âSquirrel. Put the basilisk egg where it belongsâ.
âThought I heard it. Does this about once a month... thankfully it canât get through the door, the Men of Letters were too careful. Thanks. Can be a real son of a bitch when it wants. We havenât found a way to destroy it yetâ.
He nods. Not even he is aware of a way to accomplish that.
âYou staying for dinner?â
âSince Iâm already here...â
Day 40
Heâs back at the bunker again. Dean, Sam and Cas are preparing to go on a hunt and he has nothing better to do, so he tags along.
âDo you have credentials?â Dean asks when theyâre half way to Iowa.
âSureâ he replies. Heâs always made certain that he can get in wherever he needs to be.
âAlright then, you can take the locals.â
Only when the case is over does he stop and think and realize he just went on a hunt with no other reason than he could.
Day 70
Heâs had to put the basiliskâs egg away too more times in the mean time. They thing is growing annoying.
âAh, Crowley. Great, you can help me out. What does this phrase mean?â
âThe bone of the unbornâ he reads. âI am assuming you didnât know that babies having died during their birth was an ingredient, Moose?â
âWho is using babies as an ingredient now?â Dean asks, stepping into the library.
âHey Crowley, didnât expect you back so soonâ.
He doesnât sound annoyed, and really, itâs been a while...
A whole of three days, he suddenly realizes.
Day 90
âBulls-eye, Feathersâ.
Cas rears around, gun in his hands.
Crowley raises an eyebrow.
âThat wonât work on me, Iâm afraidâ.
The former angel relaxes.
âCrowleyâ.
âThought Iâd drop in, see how you were getting byâ.
Neither of them mentions he only stopped for dinner yesterday.
âAlso, I put the egg back into the box... You should really look into that, itâs getting hotterâ.
âHotter?â
âYesâ.
He doesnât tell him about the curious revulsion he feels thatâs getting stronger every time he has to face it. Must be his imagination.
Day 120
âCrowleyâ Dean says when theyâre about to retire and heâs getting ready to say his goodbye and return to the luxurious hotel heâs currently staying in.
âWe cleared this oneâ he points to a door, âBut no loud music between the hours of two and eight amâ.
And with that they leave him to... get acquainted with his own room.
Alright then.
Day 150
âGood morning â oh, Sheriff Mills. Girlsâ.
Before anyone can stop her, the one he thinks is called Claire Novak marches up to him and punches him in the face.
Sheâs pretty strong for her age.
âClaire!â Jody calls out, clearly worried, and the others quickly move behind her.
The last thing he wants to do on this fine morning is provoke a fight though, especially since heâs just had to deal with the damn egg again.
âI suppose I deserved thatâ he says mildly.
He ignores Samâs incredulous stare.
Day 200
Itâs almost too hot to hold now, but he canât find a single reason in lore why it should be.
âCrowley, weâve got a case!â
He shrugs his shoulders and forgets about it.
Day 250
âYou can trust anyone in this roomâ Dean tells the other hunters they met on their newest case.
Of course they immediately look at Crowley.
Dean snorts.
âCome on guys, do you really think heâd be a member of our team if we didnât trust him?â
Talking is suddenly difficult.
Itâs a strange thing to have, the trust of others.
Day 300
He can actually sleep when he puts his mind to it, and itâs a pleasant way to pass the night.
So, when a crash wakes him up, he blinks and groans realizing itâs the stupid egg again.
Definitely uncomfortably hot now.
Day 365
Dean has been waiting for this for a while, so the crash and the curse coming from the store room donât bother him.
Neither does the sight of Crowley, staring at his burned hand with a shocked expression on his face.
Dean picks up the gloves and the pliers and puts the egg away.
âDonât touch it just like that againâ.
He lightly touches his shoulder.
âCome on, you need that taken care ofâ.
As they walk towards the war room Dean says, âBeing good isnât that bad, you knowâ.
Crowley doesnât say anything, but from the corner of his eye, Dean can see a small, pleased smile on his face. Â
Guys, I just had the craziest theory for AU!Cas and itâs the best. I was discussing with a friend on Facebook the possibility of AU!Cas being a prince of Hell (since, yâknow, thereâs that theory princes of Hell are angels that are all-the-way fallen).
And it just hit me, a theory thatâs so cool but itâll probably never happen. Basically I suddenly remembered Lucifer telling Cas, during 5x10, âAlmost all of heaven wants to see me dead, and if they succeed, guess what? You're their new public enemy number one.â So, imagine this: Cas being litterally public enemy number one. AU!Cas taking Luciferâs place in the game. He rebelled and he was cast out, but the reasons were that he loved humanity too much, contrary to Lucifer, who hated humanity. But that doesnât really make a difference in Heavenâs eyes, does it? Heâs a rebel, so heâs an enemy. Letâs say, in the AU Lucifer died almost as soon as he rebelled and Heaven moved istantly to Cas. Or something like that. Point is, Cas as Lucifer.
And him meeting our Cas would be really cool, this version of Castiel that took a diffferent road but with the same starting point.
And now Iâm just going to fantasize, but imagine if AU!Cas was one of the big bads of the season, and it would be so interesting? Because heâs evil but not so evil, his core reasons were still the same as our Casâ.Â
Plus, a good reason for Misha to wear the black trench coat!
No Pairing (brotherly!Dean & Sam)
Words: 1.3k
Warnings: blood, death, lots of angst, slight language
A/N: This was for the lovely @mamaredd123's Shred Some Hearts Challenge (for Angst Appreciation Day). My prompt was Even If by mercyme. I didn't use the lyrics, but I think the fic relates a lot t the song, so...I hope you like it!! (And yes, the Albino in the middle is a Princess Bride reference)
25 Minutes
Plaster and tiny pieces of glass rained down around them, falling from the shaking ceiling. Sam and Dean stood back to back in the middle of the crumbling warehouse clutching angel blades as they tried to keep eyes on all four walls.
"This ain't good, Sammy." Dean muttered as he scanned his side of the floor.
The pair had leapt back into Jack's portal once they could coax the Nephilim into reopening it. Garth came to make sure that the newborn creature didn't go anywhere while the Winchesters returned in a desperate attempt to find their mom and finally kill Lucifer. Dean had tearfully found two angel blades on Cas' body and had buried the angel before leaving with a determinated hunger for vengeance.
Following a trail of dead bodies in the alternate world, the brothers had been led to the collapsing building which radiated Lucifer's power. It was like he had thrown up neon signs showing where he was. There was an uneasy feeling in Sam's stomach because of it. Nevertheless, they had charged in guns blazing.
20 Minutes
The floor had begun to crack in spiderweb-like patterns under their feet as they circled, waiting for the surprise attack they knew was coming.
"You can't friggin' hide forever, Lucifer! Let's hurry this along!" Dean shouted angrily, emotions on high after the past three hours of turmoil.
"Great idea. Piss him off more." Sam scoffed sarcastically.
"Well, it's not like he's gonna lay off on us for having manners." Dean shot back.
15 Minutes
Thunder rolled in the distance, getting louder and louder as the seconds passed. It sounded like it was right on top of them when it stopped abruptly for a fraction of a second. After the split moment, a clap that could have moved the ground roared over the building with an intensity that shot a jolt of fear through both of the brothers' chests.
A blinding light filled the room, eventually dimming to reveal Lucifer standing with his arms spread out in a stance intended to look powerful.
"Sorry I'm late. I was too busy torturing Mommy Dearest." Lucifer smirked.
"Where is she?" Sam asked harshly, gritting his teeth.
"Oh, it's none of your concern. Where I've locked her, she'll never see the light of day." he said, shrugging faux-cutely.
Dean's composure snapped, and before he knew it he was pinning Lucifer to the nearest wall, holding the angel blade to his throat with an fierceness that only came out when he was really pissed.
"Listen here, you sonuvabitch! You're going to release our mom and mosey your way back downstairs to the Cage-" Dean started, face reddening.
"Big and bad Winchester has the devil trapped!" Lucifer chided mockingly. "What're you gonna do, huh? Stab me?"
Dean reared back, raising the blade and bringing it down with deft precision. Just when it was about to pierce the vessel's heart, the archangel disappeared, reforming close to Sam in the middle of the room.
"Did you really think you could kill me - me - by holding a knife to my throat? Listen, kid, it's gonna take a lot more snuff than that to take out the Devil." Lucifer said. He snapped his fingers, causing the Winchesters to fly to opposite walls. They levitated off of the ground, held back by invisible restraints.
The archangel paced back and forth, shaking his head, "I mean honestly what were you thinking? Never did I think that you of all people would be such a dumbass. You've tussled with me before, fellas, and, I gotta say, I'm kind of disappointed."
Lucifer slid the boys further up the walls before slinging them to either side of the room. He approached Dean, wrapping a hand around his throat.
"Aw, how cute. Who's so big and bad now? Not you." he said to Dean as if he were talking to a puppy that had torn up the furniture. "Don't mess with me, kid." His eyes flashed red as he tightened his grip on the man. After a moment, he released him.
"I'm bored with this now. I think I'll go pay Mary a visit, see how she's holding up with the Albino in the dungeon." Lucifer snapped his fingers and vanished, locking all but one of the doors behind him.
Sam and Dean fell to the floor instantly. Both gasped desperately for air, rubbing at their throats. Once they gained their composure, they pulled themselves up and met in the middle of the room, turning in circles to look for the catch that they knew had to be there.
"We are so screwed." Sam mumbled, looking for anything off.
It was too calm. Too quiet. Then, the all-too-familiar howling began.
10 Minutes
The unlocked door banged open from an invisible imposter. The men immediately turned towards it, recognizing the dreaded sounds coming from that direction. They looked at each other fearfully.
"No." Dean whispered.
Hellhounds.
They edged to the farthest wall, backing up against it to buy time. The creatures got closer and closer, and Sam could feel their breath against his hand. The sounds grew louder as more and more inched forward. There had to be eight now at most.
The brothers started slicing at the air in a desperate attempt to impale one. Stab after stab, they took down six of the beasts. It was sheer luck, and they knew it.
They began to grow tired and tried as hard as they could to edge around the monsters towards the open door. They managed to get halfway there when one pounced on Dean, tearing a gash down his front big enough to cripple even the strongest.
He collapsed to the ground, crying out in a muffled pain as he attempted to ward them off.
5 Minutes
Sam turned, screaming in protest as hacked away at the one hovering over a struggling Dean. He nailed it in a tender spot, and it left a trail of blood as it retreated.
Then there was one.
In Sam's attempt to save his brother, he failed to notice the last beast behind him. It took a hold of his pant leg, throwing him to the ground by Dean. It tore into him, ripping open his sides.
"No!" Dean shouted in agony. With the last of his strength, he stuck the angel blade into the monster, forcing it to roll off of his bleeding brother.
Dean couldn't regain his breath as he fought to kneel over his brother, but he couldn't pull himself up for the pain in his stomach. He looked down to see blood pouring from the hole, and he cried out as he turned his head to see Sam barely holding on beside him. His brother stared back at him with a pain that Dean would have done anything in the world to get rid of.
He forced himself to move his arm, reaching out and grabbing his brother's hand with all of his strength, squeezing it weakly.
"It's alright, Sam. It's gonna be alright."
1 Minute
Their breathing was becoming more and more labored as they bled out on the warehouse floor. They still held on to each other, communicating wordlessly. Dean could see the light fading from his brother's eyes. He squeezed his hand one last time.
"I love you, Sammy." he whispered.
"Love...you...D." Sam wheezed out as his eyes fluttered closed.
Dean lay in agony, choking on his own sobs as he reached into the light for the last time.
