Feb 12, 2020
i don’t deserve love
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i don’t deserve love
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I have a crush on my fp, but she's dating someone else. I really want her to be happy but,,,knowing she doesn't really like me,,and knowing she cares about someone WAYY more then me,,makes me want to kill myself,,?
**POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING**
I want to tell you a story. Two years ago I fell absolutely in love with my boyfriend of the time. But he was always distant and flirted with other girls. It killed me inside to see that I wasn’t his first choice. And after that things got a little drastic. He tried to kill me (sorry maybe triggering.) I lost it. I tried to kill my self that night. Knowing that he felt so much the opposite of how I did seemed unbearable. I couldn’t walk by boys with the same cologne. Certain songs brought me to tears. I wanted him so much. I needed his affection. This may not relate to your situation in all ways but here’s why I told you this story. It hurt like hell to see him with someone else. It made me feel dead inside. People told me it was dumb that I’d try to kill myself over a guy, but I didn’t see it that way. I lost not only someone I loved but a part of me that only he knew. I wasn’t okay for a long time. But my current boyfriend is 300 times the man my ex was. If I had successfully killed myself that night I never would have gotten to know the current love of my life. I wouldn’t have someone to live for. I can’t tell you that I know how to feel. But I can tell you with 100% certainty that one of the scariest and loneliest times in my life was a stepping stone to where I am now. I know I can’t talk you out of killing yourself because only you can make that decision. But I know that the proudest and most strengthening moment of my life was the day that I looked at him and felt peace. I wanted him to improve as a person as well as myself and if we didn’t both love each other then we were only pulling each other under more. When I think of him now I don’t feel a pang of sadness, I feel closure. It’s so much easier to say than to put into action. We are here to help you in any way possible. Please don’t kill yourself, it would be a great tragedy to lose such a kind hearted soul. I encourage you to call a suicide prevention hotline if your urges become intent. Be strong.
-mod Ally
i just feel like im annoying everyone by being in their lives, and like no one actually values my presence, ik that this is mainly due to the thoughts in my head and that what i feel other people think of me is more than likely lies, but i just cant seem to shake these moods and im just scared of getting to the point i was last year idk
I am so sick of the lectures of eating too much food. I am sick of the guilt trips. I am sick of being yelled at when I need something. We have maybe 4 servings of apple sauce, 1 apple, and 1 clementine. I said I needed fruit. I offered to pay for it. I was yelled at. I said my meal plan requires me to eat 5 fruits a day. They started yelling at me about the definition of the word requires. Not five minutes later my dad comes into the kitchen complaining that we need groceries. My mom has been complaining about how no one cleans up after themselves. I wash my dishes. I did the dishes and scrubbed out the sink. I wiped down the counters. Didn't even notice. I am so sick of living in this negative environment. I truly cannot take it anymore. When they started yelling at me about how much I eat I replied that if I end up in the hospital again, they cannot bitch at me. Which I was then called manipulative and every other "term of endearment." I'm not sure how well I can meet my exchanges this week. And if my weight goes down again this week, I'm begging my dietician to please not increase my meal plan. This is not coming from my eating disorder. This is coming from the fact that I cannot handle getting yelled at anymore. I'm trying my hardest to do what's right for my recovery, but every time I do I have real people calling me selfish and criticizing my every move.
I HATE SHOPPING. I just went shopping and I felt like giant trying on a leotard
And I felt lumpish. I hate it I hate it.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
On and on I watch the days go by my ambitions might as well flown into the sky eyes heavy, mind tired lack of life keeping me uninspired. If it doesn't matter then why do I hide For now my feelings are locked inside silent silent I fear he will get violent so did she, when she loved him until she was drowning in fear and she couldn't swim she fell in love with another now I guess I have second mother daughter of a turned boy her life he wanted to break but he chose mine to destroy.
Believing that you're not worth it is probably the worst feeling ever. Because people may tell you otherwise. They may swear up and down, left and right, that you're amazing, perfect and gorgeous, but knowing in your heart of hearts that that can't be true. That you're NOT perfect, that you're nowhere near perfect. Feeling as though you'll never amount to anything. Feeling like no matter how hard you try, you'll always be this horribly ugly person who nobody will ever love. Sometimes seeing what others talk about, but when you move- even an inch, you see yourself in a different light- your light, where everything you wear makes you look horrible, and everything you do is stupid. And even though you know all this... Doesn't it still hurt to realize how ugly and stupid you are? (Btw, all of you tumblr people are gorgeous and I love you all)
