River: don’t panic, I have a few knives up my sleeve for situations like this Bill: don’t you mean tricks? the Doctor: no, she doesn’t River, taking dagger out of sleeve: no, i don’t
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River: don’t panic, I have a few knives up my sleeve for situations like this Bill: don’t you mean tricks? the Doctor: no, she doesn’t River, taking dagger out of sleeve: no, i don’t

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River: there’s a thin line between being a genius and a complete idiot River: the Doctor and the Master use that line as a jump rope River: sometimes I do that too
Someone: *mentions River Song and the Doctor*
Me, vibrating with the effort it’s taking to not talk about something no average show watcher would even have heard of: oh yeah cool couple
Bill: Doctor, where’d you get that bruise? the Doctor: *flashback to walking into a pole while looking at his picture of River* the Doctor: i'm in a gang, Bill
River: last night my husband was drunk and they sent me this text
the Doctor: You're the hottest girlfriend I've ever had River: I'm your wife the Doctor: OMG THAT'S AWESOME

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River: honestly, you’re doing a lot better than i expected
the Doctor: it feels like all i managed to do is… not die
River: and believe me, that is a remarkably rare skill
i still think about Missy's genuine "my condolences" after finding out the Doctor had (once again) parted ways with River
River: you know, Rory gives Amy flowers every day. I wish you'd do that too the Doctor: okay
the next day
the Doctor: gives Amy flowers Amy: ?????? the Doctor: I don't know. I'm confused as well