#poly crows

“Alys?” he mutters to himself, a small coil of dread curling in his stomach as he lifts the phone. He presses his tongue to his teeth, nails scratching against his phonecase. Despite his father’s… everything, Alys was always sweet enough, comforting him after they argued and sharing biscuits with him. And she can make her own, independent decisions (he thinks). So it’s entirely possible that after a year of being estranged from his father, she just wants to check in on him.  Simple as that.

It’s that stupid, optimistic naivete that makes him slide the ‘answer’ button and choke out  “hello” into the receiver, his mouth feeling like sandpaper. 

“Oh, Wylan!” she chirps on the other line. It’s so bright and so bursting with cheer that Wylan has to actually hold the phone a few inches from his ear. Alys remains a lot to get used to, he sees, and he doesn’t know if he’s glad of that. “Oh it’s so lovely to hear from you again.”

“Nice to hear from you too,” he replies, crossing two fingers behind his back. Never in his life has he regretted something so quickly. “To what do I owe this? Is everything okay?”

“Oh everything’s great. Wonderful, really. Oh Wylan, I have just the loveliest news!”

Wylan freezes. His heart turns cold in his chest, the thump-thump-thump pounding in every part of his body. The room begins to tilt and while he swears its just in his imagination, he grips the bedsheets and wills himself into the present. 

Somehow, he croaks out “yeah?”, and is met with Alys practically singing her news.

“I’m pregnant!”

anyways after all that mal talk and speaking of “clearly in love and coping with it as best he can”, I think it’s very funny that Jesper looks more like he got caught doing something embarrassing by his crush (bc that’s exactly what it is) than actually chastised by his boss for straight up abandoning his job to go gamble. he tends to look imo way more embarrassed at Kaz snapping at him in Ketterdam than he does when they’re out and about, probably bc it’s like “in front of all our friends babe? really?”

Also - jesper abandoning his job to go gamble. oh poor baby. they’ve set it up as like A Problem but it’s sort of quirky funny right now, while not being the butt of the joke either. the joke is more “kaz is annoyed by jesper’s gambling and jesper charmingly brushes it off bc he’s a goof” but Clearly, jesper gambling away their money instead of just buying coal later on is a problem.

Everyone calls Kaz boss right in front of Perr Haskell’s salad lollllll i know they do this in the book too and i think it’s just as funny

Once again speaking of “dumb bitch trying to hide his crush & failing miserably” I love that Inej is having a literal religious experience realizing a sun summoner has been born when Alexie tells them about alina, looks at Kaz in excitement, realizes he hasn’t even twitched, and goes back to being excited. Kaz meanwhile, pointedly looks everywhere But at inej until after he notices Inej has stopped staring at him, and THEN he watches her reaction. Just the biggest dumb ass alive.

Also Jesper “apparently i’m a big softie” Fahey being genuinely distressed when Alexie is killed while once again, Kaz refuses to react.

Jesper evades Inej’s unsaid question about Kaz & Pekka, then immediately asks Kaz “did pekka recognize you” so he knows SOMETHING WHY DOES HE KNOW AND WHAT DID KAZ TELL HIM.

related to that but jesper is less obviously in love with Kaz in the show, & seems ok w Kaz bossing him around bc they’re genuinely friends vs Jesper bitches waaaay more (with good reason) in the books about being Kaz’s errand boy - show!Kaz is the boss & still a big bitch, but Kaz trusted Jesper w some truth of his past OR Jesper was there when Something happened, so Jesper lets the bitchiness slide. More even footing, and i think it was a good change, esp as Kaz gets more withdrawn & erratic as Pekka’s plans start to fail, bc now jesper knows why.

Note that while Kaz is just as much of a bitch to Jesper as in the books, he also just as clearly loves him. “Watch the door” “Come along we have a new job” all these orders that Jesper follows with only mild complaining, but they’re *important* jobs that Kaz only trusts Jesper with. It’s that Kaz only trusts Jesper & Inej to watch his back, but he shows it by being the biggest bitch alive lol.

A lot of the changes to the Crows seem to be an attempt to put Jesper & Inej on slightly more even footing with Kaz. That they could leave (bc Inej has paid off her indenture to him) but choose to stay with him. That they know why he hates Pekka, or more keenly suspect the reason he hates Pekka. What i wonder is if it’s in preparation for the soc/ck storylines, where Kaz gets a lot more reckless, so the writers want him to seem slightly less unlikeable to show only watchers who don’t get to peek inside his head & see how much he loves the crows even when he’s being a dink.

OR if it’s a purposeful contrast to the Darklng - both very powerful men who love the color black & are allergic to doing the right thing, but Kaz spends half his story line trying to liberate Inej, trusts Jesper with the truth & needles at both of them, but isn’t explicitly forcing either to do something they don’t want to do. while the Darklng at every turn further undermines Alina’s power, and keeps Zoya, Genya, David, & Nina in the dark about his real motivations, & we can SEE already how guilty David, Genya, and Zoya feel about continuing to follow his orders no matter how cruel.

Once Again speaking of dumb ass bitches who can’t hide their crush, the way Nina is ready to beat the shit out of Matthias, and even then, powerless, alone, weak, and so clearly just the exact sort of threatening, seductful Grisha the Fjerdans warn against, Matthias is struck by Nina’s humanity, her point that grisha are never found innocent, her anger in the face of certain doom. they speak one (1) time and he’s like “cool time to forget everything i’ve ever been taught so i can be this weird mean lady’s malewife” aksjjdjd

the sequence of the trio with the conductor in the fold is so entertaining, the comedic timing of them all sniping at each other, and jesper walking up to kill the volcra while clutching milo, and the way he closes his eyes and trusts his abilities as a grisha to send the bullet where it needs to go. chefs kiss, no notes.

“i’d rather starve than be a traitor” is the moment Matthias really starts to understand Nina is just as human as he is, bc she’s just as stubborn and loyal as he is, but when she spits the bread back in his face is the moment i think he falls in love with her. Loyal, stubborn, and too much for Matthias to even comprehend.

Jesper being delighted by Inej’s acrobat abilities and Inej letting him shoot a gun at her face and Kaz just nopes out of that shit immediately truly the most chaotic throuple.

The deep breathing as Kaz tries to ignore the he pain and walk without a limp & all his pained noises as he’s running around, jumping up into the carriage, etc has me like “haha i do that” aksjs

something something inej always looks to kaz when Something Religious is happening because faith is something she has always shared with the people she loves, but she’s always met with Kaz’s impassive insistence that faith is nothing more than a parlor trick. but still she always looks to him to share her faith. and it’s always there, just underneath - he doesn’t feel the need to share those moments bc the only saint he’s ever looked to was Inej & despite himself, he’s eager to share those moments with her, the ones where they fight together and save each other.

Kaz being so shitty with the Darklng bc he realizes how Aleksander has mistreated & isolated Alina is so fucking good. He’s a criminal but he has like, standards lmao. A straight con is one thing, but Kaz always dislikes rich people being cruel to people they’re supposed to care about for Rich People Reasons (see: his thinly veiled dislike for Jan even pre-Jan Stealing Inej).

“You’re loud and you’re lewd” while staring directly at Nina’s mouth, get it together Matthias you’re embarrassing yourself akksjs

Kaz moves towards Inej when she’s injured like he wants to hold her up but immediately stops short & looks anxious, turns to Jesper sort of helplessly, but Jesper is already moving to help Inej, probably picking up quickly that Kaz won’t. And then Kaz just stands there looking like he feels like a shit for not helping her, no Wonder he’s so shitty with Jesper when they get to the Fold, he’s just mad about the whole thing aksjdj like “oh now you like Jes more than me huh” kaz, inej has always liked Jes more than you bc he’s more likeable

what’s interesting about kaz the whole season is that he refuses to explicitly tell inej that he will protect her from tante heleen, bc admitting that out loud is admitting a) that he gave up the crow club to protect her already and b) he loves her. so he skirts around it whenever she brings it up, which makes inej suspicious (with good reason - he owns her indenture and it makes their dynamic inherently unbalanced. he wouldn’t do it but that doesn’t meant he couldn’t do it - he has the power to sell her right back into slavery) and she brings this up, only for kaz to continue skirting around the issue. When she outright asks if he’s threatening to sell her, and he once again refuses to give a clear answer, she seems to make the decision to cut her losses & ditch ketterdam. it’s only when facing the fact that she might actually leave him that Kaz finally forces himself to open up to her - and not just open up but meet Inej on her level. Admit Alina is a sun summoner, and share in her feelings of faith, but not of faith in saints and intangible power, faith in her. And Kaz bringing that little bit of wall down convinces her to stay - she will have him without walls or she will not have him at all, and Kaz will always choose to painstakingly confront his trauma over truly losing Inej.

I like how often Matthias, similar to Kaz (and boy would they both hate that comparison lol), dances around his feelings by changing the subject and cutting the tension, and Nina (just like her girl Inej) simply refuses to let him run. I just love the way he tries to end the conversation and Nina straight up tells him no. Won’t let him make a joke about the whaler’s hut. Won’t let him take the easy way out and pretend there isn’t something between them. She forces him to admit his feelings, and to find a solution. it goes to shit immediately but the point is just like inej will not take shit from kaz, nina has her limits with matthias. and both men see they are approaching they limit, and back down to meet their girls at the level they need. i love the crows so fucking much.

“i will keep you warm” MATTHIAS PLEASE. YOU ARE EMBARRASSING YOU ME AND DJEL.

I also love the kerch sailor being like “hey you kefta wearing fuck if u don’t think kerch will go to war over a few bucks you are out of your goddamn mind” and fedyor KNOWS he’s telling the truth akskd

Matthias: “This is my girlfriend Nina”

Matthias: “And her girlfriend Inej”

Matthias: “And Inej’s boyfriend Kaz”

Matthias: “And this is Kaz’s boyfriend Jesper”

Matthias: “And his boyfriend Wylan”

Matthias: “And this is Wylan’s boyfriend Kaz”

Person: “………..You said Kaz 3 times”

Matthias: “I’m aware”

Person:…..

This a a series of headcanons about the six from the books Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom as a poly relationship.

-Nina, Jesper and Wylan are the cuddly ones, on the off chance Matthias or Inej are willing to cuddle, it basically becomes a giant pile of bodies, with Kaz looking on in amusement.

- Kaz is the most protective. Like he might not be the most affectionate of the six, but he loves them just the same, and will hurt anybody that questions that, or tries to harm one of them.

- The others are also incredibly protective. Not nearly as much, but they are not afraid to hurt you.

- Inej and Matthias can, have, and will sit for hours and talk or debate with each other, sometimes Kaz will sit with them and add his opinions.

- All of them fall asleep against each others shoulders, it’s remarkably common.

Listen, Kaz Brekker is high maintenance AF. He’s poly AF. Kaz/Inej is a thing and so is Kaz/Jesper/Wylan. He will end anyone who hurts them.