#policed

like this is very atypical of south Asian + Muslim girls and their parents but recently, it's beginning to irk me that this community in which I live in, the family in which I was born in, view the female body in what feels like such a derogatory way.

they take the view of 'attracting less attention' which yes, I will admit, has standing from an Islamic perspective in line with being humble and not being taken in by ones ego over superficial aspects of oneself such as ones appearance. however, the situation that I seem to be in seems less because of this reason but due to a) my parents need to control me because I represent their 'honour' to the outside community. they can't face me, as their daughter, doing what I want, (whatever that want entails of) because they can't look past what other people will think and even their own disagreement between what I would choose for myself (as a person of my own will) and what they want me to be like or act like.

It's stifling, but I think incredibly normal to have such barriers for south Asian Muslim girls.

I'd also like to point out that I believe that faith is a personal matter, and that if I chose to wear x,y,z clothing, for my own religious values, that would be fine. But the environment to cultivate such a feeling, is taken away when you're constantly policed on the way you look. And that you feel trapped in your own skin. the female body is not a sin. And I especially am sorry for the women that have been fooled into thinking it is.

In my culture (Pakistani) the freedom to present yourself as you wish isn't granted until marriage. You go from under your parents control to your husband's control. Even this, depends on the type of man you get married to. In many situations, now this man is liable to control you. not to mention, due to the high number of arranged marriages within families in Pakistani culture, it seems a woman cannot fully be free by herself, because she's still within this toxic culture, even if her husband allowed her to do as she pleased.

It makes me despair at times, what can I do to discontinue this cycle? I can raise my kids differently....but what I can I do to get myself out of it ? Risk familial disapproval? become ostracised?

What I know for sure, is that I don't want anything to do with this type of toxic culture and their backwards view/s of women.

And I realise my little bubble, is not the rest of the world.

I can understand those who run away from it all.