#polarbae

fcuk lol i meant to come on earlier... but woops life got busy with all this shit. ;u;

ayy but so much has happened

a lot of shit with friends and backstabbing? if you could call it that? idk. but then i also realized a lot of things. though doing this whole club thing failed ultimately because we didn't even qualify for the next level, i  had a lot of fun. i don't necessarily agree with how things were handled.. what with how v just completely blocked out L from being able to do anything.. i mean we lost anyway, so what would have been any different if L had done anything.. I tried to explain everything to L so I think we're okay but otherwise it's kind of eep. :/ i had a lot of fun doing it.. so i guess i can say that i had a good experience~ just wish things had been handled differently.

i also realized something else. i have a crush? infatuation? with the polarbear. ;u; I've known him since 6th grade? so it's been 6 years since we met and I used to think he was cute, eventually just never talked to him then started doing stuff with him from 8th grade on? But this whole past year I was starting to really get close to him and I guess it was a bit inevitable that I would fall for the polarbear? LOL yeah.. Yesterday his hands were freezing even though he was wearing his jacket /albeit a really thin one/ at the competition place. We were in a really warm room and everything and his hands were so cold. So I mean I kind of just grabbed his hands and held them for a while to try to make them warmer. And.. Idk if it's just reflex or just natural or something else? he kind of started closing his hands on mine and it felt really nice.. Maybe I just haven't had such personal and deeper contact like this in a long time? But I got flustered even though I'm really a normally touchy person. ;; I mean I spent the whole last hour just looking through random pictures of him and thinking about things we've done together.

The polarbear acts like an idiot but he's actually really sweet. I'm going to miss him a lot when we go off from high school. honestly. I don't even need or want to go out with him //he would never ask lmfao// I just want to spend time with him. This is probably one of my true friends that I'll always love and I'll probably look back on as the one that got away??? Idkkk LOL i'm never this sappy about guys. I've had boyfriends before but none have given me the same feelings that polarbear has? He's a genuine sweetie. I have to trust him with my life, literally, because of the lion dance that we do bc half the time he's doing lifts and shiz with me. He's my lion partner and I love him a lot. I'll never admit it to the rest of the school.. They keep pairing me up with him. But nothing will happen.. We're already in the last bit of our senior year. Ready to go off in different directions. I really wish the best for him and whichever girl goes out with him and eventually marries him will really be very lucky.

Thank you so much polarbear. I'll probably eventually write you a long nice heartfelt letter? Idk, maybe i'll confess there //SORTA// but ahah I just want to enjoy his company. Polarbear I love you so much for all the experiences we've had in the past 6 years. In the next four/five months... I want to enjoy more things together even though we're still a bit awkward at times.