My friend Melsner and I have a game we play, which we simply call “Points!’
The rules are simple: Share a story of your father (parent of choice) being fucking rediculous and get POINTS!
You do not track points, but, you can track who is currently “winning” based on the latest story.
Now, mind you, my friend and I both have father’s in their 70s. Mine has some medical issues; diabeties, partial kidney failure, sleep apnea, etc. Melsner’s dad has actual, legtitmate, for realsies brain damage. He was in a plane crash (he was the pilot of a small craft that crashed in a feild) and a coma. Despite this my dad is still a contender.
Things that have earned Melsner’s dad points:
Driving home from a friends house so drunk that he litterally crawled from the car to the house. Then, immedately setting up in the living room with the TV on (VOLUME BLASTING BECAUSE WHY NOT)
Bath Tub Ducks. Because... ducks?
Porn. Everywhere. Just... watching Porn in the living room, with company over.
Buying cars. Like... totally dead, useless vehichles. Repeatedly.
Some things that have earned me points:
While I was pregnant, my father came over to visit. We were chatting about my birthing class and the plan and whatnot. And my dad told me that he expected to be in the room when I gave birth. I explained that, NO, that’s not how it was going to go. That he could come to the hospital if he wanted to sit in the family waiting area, if he wanted. But, that, the only people allowed in the room while I was pushing a baby out were going to be my husband, my doctor, and my husband’s support person (a good friend of both of ours). My dad freaked. Basically, it boiled down to the fact that I was excluding HIM from this fucking experience. That HE was going to miss out on the birth of his only grand child and how DARE I take that experience away from him. HIM. HIM. HIM. I threw a half-full gatorade bottle at him (missed) and my husband kicked him out of the house.
He once threw a tantrum, a full on huge ass shouting down the street at me, tantrum when I called AAA to get them to look at his car which wouldn’t start. I had already jumped his car once and as soon as we unhooked the cars his died again. (Alternator issues). So, since I have AAA (and they don’t care who the car belongs to as long as the person with the membership is present when they show up) I called them to come check it out. He stompped his foot and screamed at me while I walked away down the block to my house, on the phone.
I once had to call an Uber for my dad to go to the ER to have his infected toe looked at. He called me, while I was working, to tell me that he’d been told he needed to make an apointment for Surgery within the next 24 hours. That sounded wonky, so, I called the advice nurse who gave me more information - which was that my dad had seen his Podiatrist earlier in the day and been advised that he should be admitted IMMEDIATELY for a surgical consult to remove the infected material from his toe. When he refused he was advised that doing so could be life threatening. And then he went home. Waited a few hours. And called me. So, I called my friend who drives Uber and asked him to pick my dad up (and paid him what he would have made for the fare) because I didn’t want some rando Uber Driver to have to deal with him. My dad came down to the car with no coat on and without his phone. My friend went back up to his apartment to retrieve the phone and charger and then drove him to the ER near his house. Oh. And he peed himself while in my friend’s car. All while I was driving the hour and 15 minutes from my house to the ER my dad was at. Turns out my Dad’s toe was NECROTIC and they had to remove it.
After talking with @trauma-princess93 I felt like Tumblr needed in on this game.
