#poetscavern

Praying at the altar

For someone destined to falter

It’s like I was set up for failure

I don’t know what you saw in us

Picture perfect movie screens

Neon lights and summer dreams

It’s just too bad it was just a facade

I don’t understand who I am

Jaded and cynical destined for pain

Loving and gentle destined for fame

It’s like you pushed me into a corner

I can’t believe how long it took

To reach inside my rib cage

To tear the words from the page

My heart wasn’t smashed the way yours was

It doesn’t feel real anymore

The madness ripping through my head

The feeling you’d be better off dead

I suppose that’s a good thing

I actually hope you’re happy now

Kissing strangers and hugging friends

Making meet and meeting ends

I hope she holds you right

I’m finally happy now

I’m running fast and breathing hard

My thoughts are not pointed and scarred

It’s quite different

It’s something I never thought possible

A life without your hand in mine

A bed without you intertwined

It’s for the best though

I think this is the last time now

That I am taken with you my muse

The idea of someone I could use

I hope I still write well

To cling to the railings out of fear of falling

Safety feels nice when it is only temporary

But then I look out and see adventure calling

I ignore my desire to run in the wind

Out of fear or perhaps something bigger than me

I doubt every step and I take easy paths

Is it because I believe there is something I lack

Every person I’ve met is covered in glitter

It’s easy to be enamored with someone new

They seem larger than life and incapable of failure

But these people don’t have the fears that I do

The voice in my head is screaming all day

I never seem to have a moment to share my thought

How does one explain there’s a train station in their head

And the trains never seem to stay in one spot

And so I crawl back to the nest I have built

One that is filled with day dreams and dooms

That way my mind can travel the worlds farthest places

But I remain in the safety and sanctity of my room

Trace my outline with those fingers that make me weak

Hold me closely

Put your foot on my neck then don’t allow me to speak

It took way too long

For me to stop trying to put thes fires out

And just walk away

Not trying to scream or to shout

You took the best of me

And added to your collection

I took the worst of you

Let me be your possession

Kiss me softly

Then make it hard for me to breathe

It’s something different

When you beg verses when you tease

Hold my hand babe

Then pull me down to your level

Grab my hair babe

Then tell me you don’t like the color yellow

Im so tired of not owning me

Doing what I want and feeling free

Stop telling me your knowing me

Is better than the me that I see

Oh how I have lost you

Down deep in my soul

To the crevices where nothing matters

But the taste of your lips

Your hands on my hips

And the lie that this will last forever

Manically possessed by the idea of perfection

I run for miles sweat with smiles and attempt to shrink myself to your liking

Salads and smoothies have taken over my tongue and I’m wondering if this is what it means to be young

I cut my hair and I change my name hoping to cast light on the strange thoughts that plague me

Will happiness continue to evade me at a zero

Will I be happy with two c’s

Stretching and molding a being of light I run to new cities and sketch ink into my skin

Pierce holes into ears and sing out at the top of my lungs

I’ll push you I’m fun let’s sneak around

A quick easy fuck

Let me make you better pull out stretching and molding new parts of you

Is this dreamy to you yet, am I all you ever wanted did you dream of sweet clementines and how she might taste

I promise my love isn’t to waste

it as if I’m incapable of remaining true when I’d rather remain with you

For the identities they held while their lips spoke my name will not be their last

Who I was when their arms surrounded me is not who I am today

So when I tell you I do not miss you it’s because that you just could not stay

We are constantly growing and changing in the ides of long lost love

And so to miss the presence of an ideology is not the same below or above

So as I sip this blood red wine and my bloodshot eyes begin to close

Know that I don’t yell for you, the old you that I once did know

-Em