#pocketpadfoot

a petty drama queen whose instagram would be so aesthetic it hurts.

Reunited with my purrty Padfoot!~

78 more days of productivity. a break! i’m not sure how well-deserved it was but it was needed. i slept a long time, although i woke up in the night, could remember some dreams and finally woke up tired. i’m hoping my body still takes those 10hs and does something good with it bc i’m SICK. thanks, james. it’s light so far, at the back of my throat and in my chest, a headache in the morning that left me after a painkiller. so, as i was saying, apart from planning to kill james, today was a break day starting with my birthday lush spa treatment from my parents, finally. i chose Energy & “Coeur Vaillant” (with the thought in mind that, “à coeur vaillant rien n’est impossible” which i’m now thinking of getting tattooed) and it was really lovely. i love, love lush and i’m really considering handing my cv in instead of doing another year at the littles’ school. after that, hank pizza, and finishing Turn - two other lovely, lovely things, i met up with Carolaïne! we started talking about two-ish/three years ago during atb’s prime and never got the chance to see each other. though with all the long skype sessions we’ve done, it felt a bit like we had. she’s one of three baby gays i love and want to support so i did just that as much as i could irl, with cuddles on top since that’s the one thing really impossible with an ocean or 7hs buses between us. then we took an #ironic picture bc well, even supporting people into doing the best they can to get help and be healthy, i can still make fun of all the depression going on in between us. love you my little protégée marseillaise <3

62 more days of productivity. fighting my way back into not being a yawning mess at all hours of the day by starting the day with stretching/yoga, having a good breakfast, a healthy lunch, and then throwing it all away for cakes. i just love cakes. i managed to follow today’s class r well (it was also a lot more interesting) and could have cried getting back into my room after having cleaned it. i have s p a c e isn’t that an amazing concept? and abt the cakes, there’s a roommate dinner tonight and it’s perfect timing since we all eat so many veggies when we eat together. today’s good thing balance was the cashier at the prêt gifting me chips & orange juice coz their credit card machine was broken and i only had change for the sandwich (bless her, she was lovely), being seated next to rage-filled undergraduate student who cannot wait to not do her masters in cinema (i love her tho i do miss sitting next to Margot and commenting the classes together), rereading old fic stuff i’ve written two years ago and missing the writing seshs (soon, soon). cakes. did i mention the cakes? i really like the cakes.

88 more days of productivity. my little baby girl!! i spend half my time worried sick abt her health and the other half using her voice to get me through my own rough patches. seeing her live was super lovely, especially as we did the grown up thing of only coming 5 mins before the doors opened and didn’t have to wait in the cold. then we found a little good spot on the stairs, and clapped (out of rhythm for me) and sang back at her as loudly as we could (not loud for sick!james). then she had a taste of parisian stubborness as everyone screamed at her to come back despite her saying she didn’t like encores - she had already taken off her mic, too, and messed up the chords of One For The Road bc of how overwhelmed she was. sorry baby. despite me still being a bit sad she didn’t sing She, i had a really good time. and even a little cry during Sick of Losing Soulmates, cuddling jimmy and laughing together at the “you’re as fucked up as me” line, hah. not a productive uni day, but a gentle loving caring day. blessed.

93 days of productivity. uploading the pictures, i didn’t even remember taking the first one - that’s how long this day was. it was a rollercoaster, the kind kids go on that give you a little “oh there” but not really a screaming/laughing/crying one. to sum up, i was told that being out of order for the whole of first semester (aka having a depressive episode that lasted three months & took one full one to put myself back to working order) does mean i can’t really hope to get into a phd program this year. which then means one more year of being a masters student. which means, stagnation. which means, at some point this week*, i will feel like death&dying. other than this long and productive (and disappointing) meeting, i received adriene’s pretty&soft long sleeve shirt, and after this whole business at uni, met up with jonathan. we went to a lush, to la brasserie 2ème art and to hank pizza before i came home for a chat with colin whilst i was running my bath. i’m going to try my damn hardest not to fall down the rabbit hole bc of this. luckily, dodie is singing at my face on saturday and james is here in three days. also, we might finally be fixing the oven! there is some good in there.

90 more days of productivity. today i dropped off my child, by which i mean my computer, to hopefully have the keyboard repaired. as a reminder, in the last four years, this baby has been drowned twice (water then coffee) both times whilst i was writing my masters’ thesis. of course. apart from that and the feeling of wrongness that i’m left with, i had a lovely chat with my cousin whom i haven’t seen for more than a year now. i really want to visit her but time + money + the fact that it’s actually pouring in Toulouse next weekend don’t really make this a possibility. it’s a shame even tho it’s just pushed back to another time bc we were both really affected by elsa’s death and i do think it’d be lovely and healing for us to spend time mourning together. oh well. james is coming over tomorrow, with a cold, so i hate him a little bit. the last time i was sick lasted from november to late january. can’t wait to see what happens this time! i’m harming myself with all the tumeric, ginger, garlic and vitamin c i can find and praying for the best.