#bantasticbeasts

The door closes shut and it’s like time pauses around him.

It’s shattering, to see the colour fade and vanish so brutally and without warning.

He’s moving in an instant, ignoring Remus and his concerned questions which he brushes off with a shake of his head. He’s dodging through the large mass of students, speech failing him as he finally makes it to the door and flings it open. The rain’s pouring down with no mercy and it seems that fate has none either.

The person has vanished. The person, his soulmate.

“James!” Remus is by his side, grabbing his arm softly as he shuts the door. “Are you mad? Your feet are soaked now.”

James can’t speak, he doesn’t know what to say. His throat itches to release a soul-shattering sob; that’s what it feels like, soul-shattering.

He numbly allows Remus to lead him to the staff room, setting him down on his favourite armchair. The cushions sink beneath him and the dull chime of the cedar clock echoes in his head.

“James?” Remus asks again, this time plopping a hot cup of tea into his cold hands.

“It happened, Remus,” he whispers, it’s so painful to speak, like the air has been choked out of his lungs. He’s scared that perhaps it’s all just a dream.

“It?” Remus asks, watching James with a careful gaze. “What was it like?”

James sighs and looks down at his tea, stirring it aimlessly for a few seconds before he takes a small sip. “Unlike anything that’s ever happened before,” he says finally. He lets out a deep sigh and runs a hand through his hair, gripping at the ends.

“The colours were so perfect and then it was gone. They were gone - they just left and took the colour with them.”

“Which colour was the prettiest?”

“Red,” James says in an instant, a small smile creeping onto his face. His eyes brighten, recalling the feel of it. There’s something about that colour, it made him feel warm.

“All of them, Remus. But red… red was intense.”

The two sit in silence for a few moments. James takes cautious sips of his tea whilst Remus sits and watches his every move. The silence is more reassuring than unsettling, but still Remus tries his best.

“James…” The cafe is still horrendously busy and there’s only so much Peter and Sirius can handle on their own. He wrings his hands together, but James is the one to speak first.

“Do you think… do you think that’s it?”

This time James’ voice is back to normal. No hushed whispers, no desperately needed gasps for breath after each word. The only tell-tale sign is his right hand, his fingers still shaking.

There had been millions of accounts of people seeing colour, from all over the world. And for some that had been it, just the one moment and then they were back to the way they had always been. The colours just slowly faded from their memories like it had never happened.

“Well,” Remus starts, unsure, “if they came to the cafe then they must be a student.” he checks his watch, glancing at the time and date, “I mean, it’s a Wednesday. Student for sure.”

“Unless it’s a teacher, that’d be unfortunate.” James mutters, finally feeling like himself again. He smiles, nods his head and allows Remus’ feeble attempts to give him a slither of hope.

He gulps back the rest of his tea, assuring his friend he’s fine to go back to work.

If he’s meant to see them again then he will. And if he doesn’t then, well, he’d just go on as normal. He'd unwillingly let the memory fade away, just like the colour had.

Classes don’t seem to put his mind at ease at all - he spends the hours doodling in the margins of his notebook, not listening at all to the way Mrs McGonagall lectures on about Biology. And when the two hours are finally up, he jogs all the way back to the coffee shop.

Peter looks up in surprise from his spot at the till.

“Alright? Didn’t think you were working today.”

“Nah, I’m not. But - err - thought you could use some help? Thursdays, mate. Everyone needs a coffee on a Thursday.”

Peter smiles, thankful for the sentiment and James drags himself behind the counter, throwing his white apron on like it’s hot coal in his hands.

He glances up every time he hears the door open, but each time no one brings colour in with them. By the end of the four hour shift he’s in an angry mood and ends up getting a chinese on the way home to ease his feelings.

He spends most of Friday doing the same thing, but on more than one occasion he catches Remus’ gaze and tries to act as normal and as aloof as possible.

That’s when he slices his finger with a cake knife, and spends the remainder of his shift with an angry Remus, a paramedic and a first aid kit.

Saturday, though, is a brand new day.

His finger’s been bandaged, the sun is shining and the weather report says it seems like summer is finally in the air with highs of twenty degrees (rather unusual for mid-April, though no one seems to mind).

So, James decides not to worry. The first few times the door opens he lifts his head up out of habit, but he forces himself to stop. It only makes things harder and the only way to make things better is to focus on something he’s good at, and that’s making darn-good coffee. He even starts humming again, dancing behind the counter to Wham’s Jitterbug.

Then the air stops again and he’s struggling to breathe. He’s staring at sunshine yellow walls and a black coffee machine.

With shaking fingers he reaches out to touch the bright yellow strokes of paint, thoroughly amazed. Then he swallows slowly, pauses the machine, and turns around.

It’s pretty busy; everyone wants ice coffees and smoothies so they can sit outside and bask in the warm sun before it disappears. There’s a group of girls nearest to the door, laughing about something James can’t quite make out. He glances at them one by one but none of them act any differently or give off any feeling. He scowls.

Whoever the person is, they have come back.

“Excuse me,” someone huffs by the counter and clicks their fingers at him rudely, forcing him to turn his head.

A student glares up at him, hands on her hips. Her hair’s an intense shade of red and for a second his heart stops.

“Instead of eyeing up girls could you do your job and ask me what I want?”

James rolls his eyes and swears under his breath. He doesn’t need this right now, annoying customers make him angry. Even if said annoying customer is pretty.

And he’s already angry; someone in this cafe right now is his soulmate. And they’ll go, just like last time. And the moment will pass and he’ll go back to the dull grey once again. He’s got minutes, if that.

The woman clears her throat, waiting.

“Alright,” he says, stomping to the counter, “what do you want?”

He doesn’t care that he’s being rude. She was rude first and he’s not in the best of moods right now.

“A medium mango smoothie to go. With only a handful of ice.”

James sighs, walks towards the fridge and looks for the ingredients. He doesn’t even try to hide the smirk on his lips when he notices they’ve ran out of the said fruit.

He turns around with a twirl and tries his hardest to put on a sombre facade. “I’m afraid we’ve run out of mango, terribly sorry about that.”

“Sure you are,” she hums and grabs hold of a menu, drumming her fingernails against the countertop in an annoying beat, “I’ll have…” she trails off, her nails still dancing as she pauses.

“Yes?” James taps his pen against the till, irritated.

“A medium iced coffee then,” she says finally, dropping the menu back onto the counter. “With only a handful-”

“Of ice, got it. And your name?”

“Lily. That’s L-I-L-Y. Not two L’s. Just one.”

He bites his tongue, of course he knows how to spell. How stupid does she think he is?

Remus is on the next till, serving the group of girls who had been by the door. James watches them curiously as he pours the coffee and ice cream into a blender. They’re all acting normal; there’s no spark in their eyes, no sign that they’re experiencing anything. They’re pretty he supposes, but he… he can’t connect.

Would there even be a sign? How can he tell?

His annoying customer clears her throat again and he refrains from rolling his eyes once more. The sooner he works on her damn iced coffee then the sooner she can leave and he’ll be able to try and find them, whoever they were.

A gruelling three minutes later he plonks the beverage down onto the counter.

“That’s £2.35,” his tone is icy and he wishes he’d spat in the stupid beverage as she bites down on the straw and gives it a small sip.

She hands him the exact change without uttering another word, then wraps two serviettes around the plastic cup before picking it up. She narrows her eyes at him and glances at his name tag.

“Thanks James,” she sneers, “great customer service.” Then she’s gone and he couldn’t be any more relieved.

He releases a long, hard breath and looks around the cafe again. The group of girls are leaving, chattering to themselves as Lily lags behind them; the small girl takes tiny steps as they move at a snail's-pace towards the door. The bell chimes and the group and Lily leave the building, a few other students following after her.

He blinks and the colour vanishes with it. James curses and kicks the counter irritably.

Sirius looks over at him in shock and Remus hisses at him to behave. His foot throbs, kicking hadn’t helped at all. And he’s just wasted all his time serving that annoying Lily as his soulmate had just been and gone again, and disappeared right from under his nose.

“So, let me get this straight…” Sirius leans against the table, his long legs stretching out as he cradles a cup of hot chocolate in his hands, “you experienced it and you didn’t tell me? Your best mate?”

James rolls his eyes, mouth curling slightly into a small smile. “It was painful, thank you very much. That much colour to suddenly look at? I had a blinking migraine for a couple of hours afterwards!”

Sirius lets out a thoughtful ‘hmm’ and scratches his chin. “Did you see who it was?”

He shakes his head. “It was too busy. And I had the worst customer too, she was a right bi-”

Remus pokes his head round the door. “Didn’t you notice James almost passed out on the floor? Honestly, I bet his S.M has already clocked on. You weren’t exactly discreet, mate.”

James chucks an empty milk carton and Remus dodges it, laughing like he’s on helium.

“You’re such an arse! It’s painful, okay?”

Sirius sighs dramatically and throws one hand to his head. The other hand reaches out, clutching hard onto James’ shoulder. “But it’s beautiful, right? Beautifully painful?”

“Yeah, go ahead and make fun. I’d like to see how you handle it.”

His friend shrugs a little and balances his teaspoon on his left pinky. “I have,” he says simply.

James chokes on the last few dregs of his hot vimto, catching Remus’ perplexed gaze.

“You have? When?”

Sirius stands there a little awkwardly, thrusting his hands into his jean pockets. “It was ages ago. I  - we were only seven... we didn’t understand it much at the time.”

“Ruddy hell.”

James doesn’t know what’s more shocking - the fact that Sirius has a soulmate somewhere or that he won’t give away any more details about it. He just picks up his leather jacket, throws it over one shoulder and glances at James’ and Remus’ still surprised faces with another shrug.

“Are we running a coffee shop or what?”

He hates that he chose Biology, of all the sciences, to study at university. He’s already juggling football into the mix and classes start to interfere with his work. He finds he spends more time in the small staff room of the cafe than at the library or at Hogwarts Student’s Union. Plus, he can get free drinks here and put his feet up on the table.

That’s exactly what he’s doing when there’s a knock on the door of the break room.

“Mate,” Sirius knocks again, “I need back up. Remus has class.”

James folds down the corner of his page (anyone who claims they don’t do that is lying), puts his pen behind his ear and zips up his jeans (don’t ask). He’s checking his phone messages as he props the door open with his waist, an apology on his lips as he sets into the cafe.

He blinks and then he’s staring at that annoying customer he had the other day. She’s got red hair and she’s wearing a light brown top as she stares down at the menu. She glances up at the sound of the door and his stomach gives a little jolt when he notices her forest green eyes.

He’s struggling to breathe again, hands shaking as he runs his fingers through his messy hair.

His soulmate’s here and of course Annoying Lily has to ruin it all over again.

“Ah, if it isn’t Barista Of The Year,” she smirks.

Any nice thought is instantly replaced with every and any cuss word he can think of on the spot. He rolls his eyes, pulls down at his apron and glares at Sirius who’s taking her order.

“Be nice, mate, she’s a customer!” Sirius grins, “I’m sorry about Grumpy over there,” he jerks his thumb towards James, who’s now angrily ripping up a cardboard box, “he hates Wednesdays.”

He pulls his eyes away as he hears Lily give out a little laugh, glancing around to see if he can spot his soulmate. There’s about thirteen people and James swears under his breath.

“Make a cherry white hot chocolate for Lily, will ya?” Sirius throws him a bottle of water and James catches it swiftly with one hand.

Lily looks smugly at him, tapping her fingers against the counter expectantly. He’s just turned around, grabbing hold of the semi skimmed milk with a death grip, when he hears her clear her throat a little.

“I wanted to apologise for the other day,” she says with reluctance when Sirius coughs loudly, “I wasn’t in the best of moods and I took it out on you. So - sorry, I guess.”

“Isn’t that nice, mate?” James rolls his eyes again when Sirius claps a hand on his back. “Do you have anything to say back?”

He glances over his shoulder and gives Lily the stinkeye. “Apology accepted.”

She’s huffing, cheeks a little pink as she shakes her head, muttering out an ‘unbelievable’. He only turns around once her hot chocolate is made and he gives her a sheepish grin as he places it in front of her.

“I’m sorry too. I guess.”

Sirius snorts as he takes the order of the next customer. “That wasn’t so hard, was it? You’re lucky Remus isn’t here. He’d have you drawn and quartered for being rude to a customer.”

“I’ve got a few more things on my mind right now,” he murmurs quietly, cleaning up a little spillage with a tea towel.

“They’re here? Right now?” Sirius lifts his head in a very inconspicuous manner, eyes raking over each customer like he's in the mafia.

“Something wrong?” Lily asks as she sips at her drink.

“Hey, Lils. You know anyone in here?”

At Sirius’ question she turns around to look. “No one seems familiar. Why?”

“Well James -”

“No reason,” James stomps on Sirius’ foot, instantly silencing him.

“No reason,” Sirius echoes.

She hums, sliding over the exact change for her beverage before sitting down at one of the tables.

James glances around the cafe again.

Apart from Lily, there's a group of three girls over in the corner giggling at a laptop, a guy with a beard who's talking animatedly on his phone, two girls and a guy all collectively on their phones as they sit together (they’ve hardly spoken at all since they arrived) and a guy who must be about fifty five talking to a woman of similar age. Plus another five or so who aren’t even facing him.

He grimaces and scribbles down everyone's appearances in the margins of his notepad. This time he's not going to give up as easily.

After an hour the colour is starting to get too much to handle, he’s got a head-splitting migraine.

“I can’t,” he whispers to Sirius and shakes his head. He’s already threading his arms through his jacket. “I need to get out. Fresh air.”

It’s almost a relief to see the different shades of grey when he steps out onto the street. It’s empowering to know that, this time, he’s the one who’s taken the colour away. He lets out a sigh and kicks at an empty bottle on the road.

He doesn’t look back.

It’s Peter who notices the pattern first.

Wednesdays at three thirty, give or take a few minutes. Every Wednesday. There’s quite a number of regulars but, unfortunately for him, Lily is always showing up too.

“You make good coffee,” she shrugs the next time he sees her.

And the time after that Remus is there. It turns out the two share a class together and they spend hours talking about their essay that’s due in on Friday.

Her hair is always the first thing he notices, dangerously bold and enticing. He supposes she’s not so bad once you get to know her.

A couple of weeks later, Lily asks if James can read over her essay (apparently some people actually have their work checked, which is news for him) and he says yes in a heartbeat.

“Are you sure?” she asks as she places her laptop on a table close to the window.

James takes off his apron and throws it over the back of the chair. It’s a pointless question, since she’s already asked him the same thing about twenty times.

“Totally. But I’m a sucker for the oxford comma. Just a forewarning.”

She’s rolling her eyes as she takes out her purse. “What do you want to drink? It’s on me.”

He peels his eyes away from the screen and squints up at the menu. There’s no Remus today and that leaves Peter and Sirius behind the counter. The two snicker and goof around, juggling oranges and balancing milk lids on their noses.

“I’ll have a triple, venti, half sweet, non-fat caramel macchiato. Extra hot,” he says.

“Aren’t they a bugger to make?”

“The worst.”

“I’m about eighty percent sure Sirius spat in that,” she says when she places the steaming mug on the table next to him five minutes later.

He drinks it anyways (who would have thought such an obnoxious and hipster drink would actually taste pretty good?) and spends the remainder of the day sitting next to Lily. Her essay is impeccable, of course, and each time their arms brush against each other he gets a jolt in his stomach.

Having her at the cafe makes it a lot harder for James to liaise and spy on the other customers. Especially when she and Sirius bond over their love for marmite (how disgusting) during her next visit.

For some reason she’s eating toast and Sirius just blinks at her. “Is that marmite?”

The rest is history and she spends most of her visit that day cooped up on one of the high chairs. They chatter together about their marmite experiences for what seems like hours.

It’s becoming A Problem.

James slowly starts to notice how pretty her smile is. She always spends a good fifteen minutes or so deciding what on earth to order and, more often than not, changes her mind about three times.

On one occasion he asks her, “What do you want? What do you want?” to which she replies back with an exasperated grimace, “It’s not that simple,” then the two get matching, exhilarated grins as they both profess their love for The Notebook.

He’s almost used to seeing the colour so much now but a part of him dares to normalise the feeling, lest it vanish as quick as a heartbeat.

And it’s Wednesday again when a downpour brings in a mass of students.

Lily, yellow and blue spotted umbrella in her hand, is, of course, amidst the thrall. James isn’t even that surprised to see her anymore. Sirius is busy serving another customer, so he gives her a bright smile (which he realises isn’t actually that hard to do) and asks her what she wants.

“I’ll have a Pumpkin Spiced Latte.”

“One of those are you?” he asks, giving Lily a sly smirk as he starts to jot down her order.

“It’s good. Have you never tried it?”

He shakes his head. “Peter’s addicted to it, he made me try it once. Far too sweet,” he says with a grimace.

“That’s what makes it so delicious.”

He doesn’t understand how someone can have such strange taste buds - to think marmite, PSLs and white hot chocolates are all under the denomination of ‘delicious’. But hey - everyone has their own opinions, right? Even if it’s the wrong one.

He’s just turning around, ready to start making her drink when she sucks in a breath. He pauses instantly, already knowing by now what that little intake of breath means.

“What are you wanting to change it to?”

He can’t help but give her an amused smile, watching as she glares at the menu. Biting her chipped nails, fingers drumming against the counter-top. She looks like this is the worst decision she’s ever made.

“I can’t decide between a Pumpkin Spiced Latte or a Pumpkin Spiced Frapp.”

He blinks, “Well. One’s hot - you see - and the other’s cold.”

“Wow, thanks for that. I’d never have guessed.”

She’s smirking and she’s got such a contagious smile, he can feel his lips mirroring hers in seconds. She takes another three minutes before she slaps a fiver onto the counter. “A cold one. I’ll be daring.”

When he places the drink on the counter next to her, he rakes his eyes over the customers behind her. The same group of girls, the same elderly couple, the same bearded man. It has to be one of them.

He’s served them all before, each are nice and unique in character but it’s so hard to figure out which one it is. He’s even tried small talk, but every time he makes it personal they all shrink away. It seems like Lily is the only one in the cafe who ever bothers to talk. And, even then, it’s Sirius who she’s closer too.

He gets a message, phone buzzing against his thigh as he hands over Lily’s change.

Serious to Barista Of The Year (15:37) : stop flirting with customers ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“I was not flirting.”

“You know,” Sirius, who’s lounging across one of the sofas with a history book pulled over his face, lets out a small sigh, “I didn’t believe you the first five times, so -”

“I’m only saying it so you know I’m telling the truth!”

Only now does Sirius peel the book away from his face. “Mate. Come on.”

“I wasn’t.”

“You are allowed to, you know,”

“I know I’m allowed to,” James scowls.

“Do you?” Sirius swings his legs onto the floor, his socks have dozens of little hamburgers all over them. “I mean… I know you’re - well - a romantic but having a soulmate doesn’t mean anything.”

“What about you?”

Sirius scratches his chin, refusing to meet his gaze. “What about me?” his voice is gruff.

“You never told me, your best mate, that you saw colour when you were seven. Seven!”

He merely shrugs. “I was seven.”

“Yeah. That’s what I mean. Do you still-”

Sirius shakes his head. “Nah, haven’t for ages.”

“What was it like?”

There’s a small period of silence.

Sirius runs a hand through his hair, then he takes a swig of water and flings the now empty bottle up into the air. He catches it with one hand.

“It felt - God, I dunno - natural? We had no idea what it meant, how could we? We were friends, that was it.”

James gets goosebumps.  

“What happened?”

“With a swine of a mother like mine?” he snorts, “What didn’t happen. I never saw her again.”

“You could try finding her-”

He shakes his head. “Nah. Half the female population probably have the same name.”

“Jane.”

“No.”

“Sarah?”

“No. Can you stop guessing now?”

“Depends, will you tell me her name?”

Sirius rolls his eyes, but there’s a smirk on his lips. “Fine. Mary.”

James drums his fingers against the armrest of his chair. “I suppose it is quite a common name. There’s Mary Berry, Mary Poppins-”

“Mary, Queen of Scots.” Sirius adds, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “My point is there’s a heck ton of Mary’s out there. And after a while you get, well - you know.”

The annoying thing is that, even though Sirius hadn’t exactly said much, he did know.

It’s such a strange feeling, one you can’t really put into words. James had spent hours agonising over who it was, tearing himself apart to the point where he couldn’t sleep. And for Sirius to know her and to have gone through life hearing that name on people's lips, he doesn’t know how he can handle it.

It’s a gift, but one that eats away at your insides until it’s all but consumed you. Colour was something James desperately yearned for and whoever they were had the power to give it to them. Just like that, you’re made for each other.

He shuffles on his seat, fingers fluttering to itch at his backside (he does this sometimes when he’s nervous). Green emerald eyes flicker on and off in his mind, making his heart do cartwheels.

There were hundreds, thousands, of cases where people married someone who wasn’t their soulmate. You give up the gift, so to speak. Does colour really mean that much to you when you’ve got someone you love and who loves you back?

Sirius mentions something about needing to take a dump and waddles out, not before slapping the back of his neck with a tea towel. James flips him off and Sirius, like he has eyes in the back of his head, does one casually back.

James is left alone with just his thoughts. Thoughts of Lily Evans.

The next time she comes into the coffee shop she’s wearing a bright yellow anorak and James can’t help but think of sunshine, daisies and lemons.

She flashes him a smile, cheeks pink, and asks him how he is.

He doesn’t tell her how pretty she looks today, though the words are desperately wanting to run off his tongue and slide out of his mouth like jelly. He doesn’t say how happy he is to see her - how sometimes the prospect of a soulmate, his soulmate, is replaced with pictures of her.

“Not bad,” he bites, fumbling with the lid of a teapot, “you?”

“Better with the prospect of coffee. Can I get an americano, please?”

James makes a grab for a cup. “You do know how strong this stuff is, right?”

She dismisses his cautious gaze with a wave of her hand. “I’ll add four sugars, it’s fine.”

“You know what another name for an americano is, Evans?” Sirius asks, grinning like the cheshire cat as he leans against the counters.

“Do I want to know?”

“A Long Black. I kid you not.”

Lily purses her lips. “On second thought, I’ll have a latte.”

“Don't fancy drinking a Long Black?” Sirius asks, already walking off to serve another customer before Lily can say anything back.

“You can have a Long Black if you want,” James smirks, dodging Lily’s hand that goes up to swipe at him, “I won’t judge.”

“A latte is better. Thanks though. But I think americano’s have been ruined for me now, permanently.”

He doesn’t know why, but he takes his time making the drink. He wants it to be perfect and immaculate, the best latte she’s ever had before. So, when she brings it to her lips he doesn’t feel like he shouldn’t be watching her - he just wants to know how she likes the drink. For science.

“It’s really good. You’re really good.”

“You’ve got - err - a,” he gestures to his own lips, staring at her frothy milk moustache. Her hands fly up to her face immediately, and she spends a good two minutes scrubbing her entire face with a serviette before emerging out of it with a red, mortified face.

“Sorry. How embarrassing.”

Her smile has to be the sweetest thing he’s ever encountered. It makes him weak in his knees. “It’s cute,” he drops his own tea, hot water spilling onto his arms and over the counter, “bugger. I mean, it’s fine. Milk moustaches are cute, I mean.”

She smiles, “You’re sweet,” her cheeks are still crimson. “I mean, my friend would have just taken pictures. I love her to bits but, you didn’t even - didn’t laugh is what I’m trying to say.”

“I almost did.”

Then he laughs and he has to press a hand to his lips to stop himself.

She’s got constellations in her eyes, he could stare at her for hours and at each passing minute he'd find something new to marvel at. She’s a breathtaking view. Her phone vibrates against her mug and the two jump. She grabs for it, avoiding his eyes as she stutters out a hello.

“Mary! Sorry. I’ll be there in a sec, on my way,” she ends the call with a sigh and when she glances back up at him he has the strongest urge to kiss her.

“Sorry, I have to go,” she says, downing the rest of her latte. She plops the empty cup into his hands, swings her bag over her shoulders but doesn’t move an inch.

He should say something.

He should ask her if she’s okay with seeing in black and white for the rest of her life. Ask if she’s okay being with someone like him - someone who can’t give her colour. She bites her lip, ready to say something when Sirius barges past with a tray full of dirty cups and plates.

His feet falter when he glances at the two of them. “Sorry, did I just ruin a moment?”

James’ cheeks burn and Lily just clears her throat. “No. I have to meet Mary, my- uh - friend. Um. See you boys later.”

She turns around, almost running into the bearded regular man. She murmurs out an apology and has to wait as the old regular couple walk in front of her. Together the three of them leave the shop, vanishing along with the surges of colour.

James takes a shaky step back, stepping on Sirius’ toes.

“Watch it!”

“It’s them,” he says, breathing out heavily, muttering the phrase over and over again, “it has to be either the old guy or the lady. It’s official - I’m a marriage wrecker.”

“You don’t have to marry them. There’s no contract.”

“I know. But, Lily, she,” James groans and shakes a hand through his hair.

“She...?”

James blinks. She’s everything he’s ever wanted. “Er… she has a friend called Mary, didn’t you know?”

“I’ve met countless Mary’s. It doesn’t mean a thing.”

Is she in prison for murder? Did Walburga Black kill Sirius’s soulmate? That seems to be the only plausible explanation at the moment. It would explain why Sirius hasn’t met Mary since whatever happened happened.

He’s grabbing onto a bag of carrots when he gets that thought and he looks around the shop suspiciously. He’s only met Walburga a few times; the last being when Sirius, sporting his own bloody and broken nose, dislocated Orion Black’s jaw.

Barista Of The Year to Serious (17:40): shall i buy hummus

Serious has changed his nickname to Hummus Lover 2k19

Hummus Lover 2k19 to Barista Of The Year (17:41): what are u after

Barista Of The Year to Hummus Lover 2k19 (17:43): is ur mum in prison???

Hummus Lover 2k19 to Barista Of The Year (17:45): ….. i wish

He’s halfway through the doors of Tesco Extra, googling ‘why is my friend a dumbass’ when he bumps into someone and his phone drops to the floor.

“Sorry!”

“It’s fine!”

He’s already bending down, fingers reaching out to grip onto his mobile when he realises whose voice it is.

“Lily!”

It’s weird seeing her out of the cafe, without a counter separating them.

She’s smaller than he remembers and he’s actually able to see her shoes, which is extremely weird. She’s wearing black worn out dolly shoes, her hair wild and the shade of crisp red and orange leaves signalling the first sign of autumn.

Her cheeks are rosy. “James! Hi.”

A car passes by, splashing murky water all over his legs. “I bought carrots, celery and hummus.” He waves the bag he’s carrying.

She gives him a soft smile and pulls on her jacket. “I’m going to buy marmite.”

“Disgraceful.”

“How can you dislike it when you’ve not even had it before?”

“Ah - but how long is a piece of string, Lily?”

“However long it is when you buy it.”  

He’s grinning and she’s smiling back, making his heart flutter and quiver.

Seeing her with the sunset behind her, lighting up her hair like she’s a part of the sky, makes him wonder why he was even so determined to find his soulmate in the first place. She’s quickly become part of his life, his routine and he never wants it to end.

His phone makes a PING sound and he forces himself to look away from her.

Hummus Lover 2k19 has changed your nickname to I Love You Bro

Hummus Lover 2k19 has changed his nickname to Please Love Me

Please Love Me to I Love You Bro (18:09): how upset would u be if i hypothetically just broke your teapot. Hypothetically

Please Love Me to I Love You Bro (18:09): btw whats that tasty thing your mum gets sometimes? not jalebi, the other one I Love You Bro to Please Love Me (18:10): …. gulab jamun also ??? what the frick sirius?? omw

He sighs and plops his phone into his shopping bag. “Hey, Lily. I got to go, Sirius is creating havoc at our flat -”

“Say no more,” she laughs, “see you later?”

“Definitely.”

It’s only when she’s gone into the shop, and he’s half way down the road, that he glances at the passing cars and realises he’s looking at dull grey.

He’s blinking, stopping dead in his tracks. Heart pounding a trillion beats per second against his chest. It hurts so much.

No no no no no.

He swishes around, almost toppling over a woman who glares and tuts at him before stomping away.

Was he hallucinating?

“Are you seriously asking me this?”

Sirius and James are on a fifteen minute break. They’re lying on the sofas in the staff room, spending their free time balancing water bottles on their foreheads.

“Yes.”

Sirius sighs, “No. I have never thought I was seeing colour when I wasn’t. Yes, I think you’re a moron.”

“I didn’t -”

“You're making up excuses, you knob. You know. You’ve been a blithering idiot ever since she set foot in the cafe.”

“All I'm saying is that there were a lot of people on that street,”

Sirius moves slightly and the bottle falls dramatically to the floor. “I know the Old Age Pensioner’s Zumba Class finished around six, perhaps it is the old lady with the moustache.”

Remus barges in, head ducking just in time as a water bottle flies across the room.

“What are two you doing in here? And why does it stink so bad?”

“Past your bedtime is it, Remus?” Sirius asks as he pulls James into a headlock.

“It’s past three thirty and it’s Wednesday.” Remus sends a curious glance in James’ direction, who immediately stuffs a cushion over his face. “What’s going on?”

“It’s Lily. Or it’s that old lady who grabbed my arse the other day, you know the one who always orders filter coffee and reeks of cotton balls,” says Sirius with a grin.

Remus leans against the door, shaking his head in amusement. “Well the old lady’s here right now. Why don’t you go and check, James?”

James gulps, feeling hot and sweaty even though he’s only wearing a t shirt and jeans. Sirius drags him to his feet and pushes him towards the door.

There’s not even a hint of colour. And no Lily Evans.

Panicking, he seizes hold of the closest thing, waving it in Remus’s face. “Look see. This is green.”

“That’s an egg, mate. Eggs aren’t green.”

“Dr Seuss would tell you otherwise. And how would you know, Remus? No offence.”

“But I do,” Sirius grabs for the egg, it twirls out of James’s hands and falls with a crack on the floor.

“I can’t believe you didn’t realise,” Peter tuts as cleans up the egg with a couple of cloths, “she’s been coming here for, how long? It feels like forever?”

“You looked like you were sea-sick each and every time. I never knew someone could get so affected by it.” Sirius muses, albeit smiling a little sadly as he pats James’s shoulder.

“Gee, thanks.”

“Maybe she’s just running late?” Remus glances at his watch, it’s almost four by now. Lily has never been late, not once. Dead on Wednesdays at three thirty (minus the Saturday when he first met her). James groans, he's such an idiot.

“Or maybe she got scared when she realised it’s James.”

A customer comes towards the counter and Peter takes one for the team, jogging towards them with a bright smile on his face.

“This is Lily we’re talking about,” Sirius shakes his head with a lopsided grin, “she's obviously crazy about him.”

“Well I don't see her. So I guess your premonition is wrong.”

It’s exactly what James was scared about ever since this whole mess started.

The colour dissolving, squeezed out of his life like water in a sponge, and knowing who it is makes it all the more unbearable. That freaking Lily Evans (the annoying customer turned tolerable acquaintance turned low-key crush turned soulmate) was it all along.

Only one good thing seems to come out of this mess, and that’s that he’s finally able to pay more attention to his classes - and actually submits his latest assignment in on time instead of seven hours later like his last one.

McGonagall has to pull him to one side after a lecture, asking him if anything is wrong.

There’s a hole in his heart, as cliche as it sounds, and the whole damn thing’s like ecstasy. He’s got no idea how Sirius can even manage, because now it’s been in his system he’s desperately wanting it all again.

Two weeks quickly become four and James longs to see her again.

So, at the first opportunity he gets, he taps in Sirius’s code on his phone (the same four digits he has for everything - even his bank code) and has only just opened up his contacts when he hears the sound of biker boots against the hardwood floor.

“Is there a reason why you’re using my phone?”  

James Potter looks like a thief in the dead of night. “No. Hah! What - oh, this is your phone? I had no idea.”

Sirius crosses his arms. “No reason why you’re scrolling like a mad man through my L contacts either, eh?” he says with a winks and pops a strawberry into his mouth. James lets out a dejected sigh.

“I don’t have Lily’s number. Sorry.”

“You both joined the freaking Marmite society,”

“Rightly so, it needs more love.”

“And you don’t even have her number?”

He shakes his head, “No.”

Realisation dawns upon him, a glorious and ethereal light bulb flickering on inside his head. He glances up, a smile pulling on his lips. “You both joined the Marmite society.”

Sirius looks uncomfortable. “Yes… but you hate marmite.”

“I love it. Best damned thing since sliced bread.”

“You'll hate it. We only joined so we could get the free jar, but meetings include eating marmite toast so it's not exactly your cup of tea.”

“I'm going to that meeting, you can't stop fate.”

No matter how many times Sirius tries to talk him out of it, James’ mind is set. It’s a brilliant plan.

“It’s an awful plan,” Sirius says for the twentieth time, “we don’t even know if she’s going to be there.”

The words fall short on deaf ears as the two of them make their way to the mini meeting room, tucked away in the far corners of the oldest part of The Hogwarts Students Union. The strange society is made up of about twelve people and, he’s remaining optimistic, Lily’s not there yet.

Marlene McKinnon, a mature, final year Law student, seems to be in charge of the whole society, as she stands about by the toaster with a pack of bread and ten jars of marmite surrounding her.

“You guys just sit and eat toast on marmite?” James hisses as Sirius shuts the door and makes his way to three people who are sat on the nearest couch.

“I did try to tell you.”

Frank Longbottom introduces himself to James, and the first thing he says is that he’s gone through ten jars of marmite so far during his lifetime. Luckily the door opens, stopping all further conversation which involves James having to lie about loving marmite.

Luckily the door opens and colour crystallises before his very eyes as Lily Evans comes barging into the room.

She stops, eyes immediately drawing to James and Sirius who both give her a small, guilty wave. She bites her lip, hand reaching for her bag strap which she squeezes hard once. Then, like she’s lost a battle she knows she can’t win, stomps towards the sofa before plopping down opposite him.

Her hair’s the shade of cinnamon sticks and her green eyes sparkle. Sirius waggles his eyebrows when she throws one leg over the other and leans forwards to them, a smirk on her bright red lips.

“I didn’t know you liked marmite, James.”

His throat’s dry. “Not like. I love it.”

“Every marmite lover is welcome!” Marlene places two plates full of marmite-spread toast in front of them and James has to gulp down a retch. “As our newest society member, you can take the first bite.”

He's got thirteen sets of eyes on him and Sirius has to stuff the sleeve of his leather jacket in his face to stop himself from sniggering. Lily watches him with a small expectant smile. It makes his stupid heart flutter and before he knows it he's grabbing at the toast and stuffing it into his mouth.

It's disgusting, so salty on his tongue that his eyes start to water. But no one else seems to notice, they're all too busy grabbing the toast like vultures to notice, and it’s only Lily’s eyes which still hang onto him and she cocks her head a little to the side. He must look a right state, with the taste of rotten garbage in his mouth and tears streaming down his face because she smiles.

He's never going to get used to it; it's euphoric, a tingling sensation all the way from his head to his fingertips.

“Alright?” Sirius asks.

Emmeline Vance produces a jar of vegemite from her bag and, as a society, they collectively decide to hold a tasting session during their next meeting. Dorcas Meadows hands everyone a Marmite Soc t shirt and, thanks to Bellamy Blake (who made sure they printed out more t shirts in the high hopes that the society would grow), James is given one too.

“I'm in love,” he whispers. Because, crap, he really thinks he is.

Staring at green eyes, seeing Lily’s red lips curve and her hair, like cherries, roses and the setting sun. Sirius shuffles besides him and James is only vaguely aware of murmuring voices around the room.

There’s a tap on his shoulder, the meeting’s over.

He just catches a brief glimpse of Lily’s red cardigan swishing out of the door before he’s springing to his feet, grabbing hold of his bag and telling Sirius, whose white t shirt and dark blue denim jeans are now a dull grey, that he’ll meet him later. He doesn’t even wait for a response.

His heart’s pounding, a dull but excited and throbbing ache that shoots up from his toes like pins and needles.

James has never felt anything like this, the intense desperation - eating him up and consuming him. He pushes past a group of students, a sorry tangling between his lips before he’s tripping over a backpack (honestly- who leaves their bags sprawled out like that?) and flying out onto the floor.

“What are you like, honestly.”

He knows that voice, and a surge of colour comes floating with it. It’s happened so many times now, the change not quite instant but more like paint sweeping onto a canvas - bringing everything to life.

His eyes flutter open, then closed.

Lily is standing above him, grinning, a hand on her hip as she shakes her head and sighs. Then she’s reaching out her hand and she’s the first sweet sounding note of an entrancing melody, just one small trickle of spine tingling laughter and he’s floating.

He realises this is the first time he’s ever touched her hand and he grips onto her that little bit tighter as she pulls him off the floor.

“Alright?” she asks when his feet have hit the ground.

Now that he’s found her, he’s not exactly sure what he should say. Words fail him, not for the first time, and somehow he feels ten times smaller under her intense gaze.

“Fantastic. Yourself?”

“Not sure yet.”

“Oh,” he says, immediately bringing a hand up to ruffle his hair.

She kicks the bag out of way, sniffs and wipes her nose with a tissue. It’s flu season and he hates being ill (almost as much as he hates marmite) but the prospect of it doesn’t seem too bad when she’s here in front of him. Red, runny nose and all.

She sets off walking and his feet follow - like she’s the biggest flame or source of light and he’s just a moth, so entranced that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He loves seeing in colour but there’s something about her, the way she stands out like paint pastels on a plain piece of paper.

“I err -” he clears his throat and itches his nose, “how have you been?”

“Busy.”

She stops at the small cafe located on the first floor, Puddifoot's, and asks for an Earl Grey tea. When her hands are sprawled around the take out cup, savouring the heat that flows through her fingers, and she’s sipping at the hot beverage she gives him another look.

“Classes were giving me hell so my friend, Mary, and I decided it’d be better if we spent our time here. Her boyfriend always has early lectures so he saves us seats when it’s busy.”

James nods, “What’s the coffee like here?”

“Disgusting,” she grins, a slight blush on her cheeks, “but it’s cheap and convenient.”

“You even have a loyalty card with us, this is treachery.”

“Yeah, but I still need five more drinks before I get one free,” she laughs and his heart soars.

They set off walking out of the students union, towards a plethora of wild flowers scattered over overgrown grass, a couple of wooden benches knotted into the greenery. She plops down onto one of the benches, sighing happily. She reaches into her bag to grab some torn bread, throwing it into the pond facing them.

There’s only one duck in there, which the students of Hogwarts University quickly nicknamed The Giant Duck as it’s abnormally larger than the average british duck.

He takes a deep breath and plunges into the unknown, of what he really wants to say.

“I, err, I thought you might have been - well - avoiding me.”

“To be honest, I thought I was too. That and this cold has been a nuisance.”

“Oh,” he scratches his nose and stuffs his hands into his jacket, “you should get some lemsip.”

“I wanted to, but apparently you have to be sixteen and over to buy it and I forgot my passport so the cashier wouldn’t let me buy it.”

“I could get it for you-”

She shakes her head, “Oh no, you don’t have to do that.”

“It’s like, what, three pounds? I honestly don’t mind.”

He’s already standing up, sputtering that her health is the most important thing when she grabs hold of his arm. He pauses, frozen.

She sighs, “Look. I don’t want anything to be, uh, awkward between us. Okay?”

He stops, numbly allowing her to pull him back down on the bench. Their legs brush against each other but she doesn’t move and inch. “Why would it be awkward?”

“I thought you knew.”

His heart skips a beat and he chokes. “What? You… you knew?”

She smiles, biting her lip to stop herself from grinning. “Err yeah.”

“Since when?” his head’s woozy, fingers shaking.

“Since the beginning,” her voice falters slightly, “that day I panicked and heard Remus calling your name. And I fled. Then on the Saturday I was, well, curious?” Only now does she turn to look at him, staring deep into his eyes. He's transfixed. “I only realised once I'd left that your name was the same.”

“But you kept coming.”

“Can you blame me?” she laughs and he feels ablaze.

“Guess not,” he shrugs, “I don't think anyone has enough willpower to ignore it.”

“Yeah,” she takes a sip from her tea, “and I thought you knew, I swear. But then at Tesco you didn't say anything and I realised you didn't. I panicked, that's why I didn't come back, partly. Sorry. You must hate me.”

“I could never.”

She looks so uncomfortable and he's helpless.

He wants to reach out for her hand and never let go. Like she hears his thoughts, she scrunches her fist into her pocket.

“The thing is… I made a promise to myself at a young age that if I ever did see colour I wouldn’t let it control me.”

The Giant Duck quacks loudly and James, who’s been sat on the edge of his seat, waiting anxiously for her to speak, jumps at the sound. She grins, blowing her nose again.

“I want to be able to make my own choices, James. And not be influenced.”

“Okay,” he blinks.

“So I decided I needed to take a break from it all.”

“If you err, if you don't mind me saying,” he pauses, waiting for her nod to continue, “you're saying you don't want it to be in control but it looks like you're letting it.”

“I dont-”

“Running away from it, even if you don’t want it, isn't that just fear?”

“It’s not exactly that simple,” she says.

“I know it’s not,” he gulps, a never ending shiver running up and down his spine. He’s trembling. “But, aren’t you even a little bit curious?”

The sun glows, and, under the deep orange rays she looks ten million times more radiant. He doesn’t care about cliché, he doesn’t care about anything else - only her.

She doesn’t want the colour, the myth of soulmates influencing and breathing down heavily on them. She smiles at him in the moment, moving forward, reaching out her hand so their fingers thread around each other.

And then she’s blinking, inching just that little bit closer towards him. She’s been chewing gum, he can smell peppermint as she breathes out and his eyes flutter closed in seconds.

Even with his eyes shut tight, he can still see colour. It’s more intense and vibrant than he’s ever known it, and he feels her lips place a chaste kiss on his.

It’s red and green, bursting into fireworks and butterflies alike, making his toes curl. He knows she’s feeling the same way, because she shivers against his touch and, when she rests her forehead against his and he has the strength to open his eyes again, she looks just as mesmerised.

Course wise, English is proving to be both exactly what I expected and not at all what I expected. There is just as much reading and writing as I thought, yet the lectures and seminars follow different formats to what I expected. 

So far we’ve read ‘The Turn of the Screw’ and ‘Pamela’ (both of which I will be writing reviews for here) and next week’s book is ‘Jane Eyre’. A novel a week used to be easy for me because I’d go through about four but, now, it’s a lot harder. I don’t know if it’s because I have more going on or because I’m not choosing the books or what - whatever it is, it’s a struggle. To be fair to myself, both ‘The Turn of the Screw’ and ‘Pamela’ are tedious texts full of casual sexism and Victorian values. Luckily, ‘Jane Eyre’ is much more enjoyable and I think it will be easier to make my way through. 

On the other side of the course is Reading English which is the study of poetry and close reading. For this module I had to spend £28 on a big, fat copy of the ‘Norton Anthology of Poetry’ which is proving to be a pain for my shoulders but certainly necessary. We’ve looked at work by John Donne, William Shakespeare, Philip Sidney, Philip Larkin and William Blake (I’m hoping we’ll at least glance at some female poets during the course...) and it is interesting to study even though the skills I’m using are no more complex than the ones needed and taught at A Level. 

My seminar group for Reading English is the only part of my week I really don’t look forward to. The tutor seems to have just graduated and can’t seem to lead the group, whilst the group itself is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I’ve been that annoying person before who is the only one to ever contribute anything, but now I am at university it’s become annoying for myself because I was expecting debate and discussion and, here I am, the only one offering any thoughts. I’m holding out hope though, waiting for everyone to become comfortable enough to be willing to discuss what we’re paying over nine grand a year to discuss.

I found out when I arrived that I had indeed achieved a place on the CELTA/TEFL course (Teaching English to Foreign Language speakers) so my contact hours are 13 a week in comparison to just 7 of those just studying Lit. Still - it will be worth it. I’ve already started teaching and, yes, it is weird teaching adults as I feel I shouldn’t have authority over them but, at the same time, they are all so advanced and lovely that I don’t feel as stressed or nervous as I thought I would when standing in front of them. 

The first teaching session was only 20 minutes but the next one (next Thursday) will be 40 minutes and, it’s safe to say, I am nervous for that. When I stand in front of them the nerves almost fall away but, in preparation, I always feel like I’m going to fail. 

On the other side of university - the society side - I’m still on the outskirts. I’ve signed up and paid to join the Feminist Society and Creative Writing Society but haven’t had time to attend any sessions. I am also going to start attending the weekly free swimming sessions on offer yet, again, have not had time to go yet. Hopefully I’ll start next week with Creative Writing on Tuesday, the Feminist Society’s Black History Month talk on Wednesday and swimming on Thursday. Fingers crossed I’ll actually have time to go.

University then, is still exciting to me and I still want to stay. I’ve had a few moments of sadness (linked to an event which happened over the summer which I’ll write about when I’m ready, not homesickness), but these have been overwhelmed by the moments of happiness and sense of fitting in. 

Hope you stick around,