#pocketfullofsuga

fear is a main component: shame, confusion, paranoia, indecision, cynicism, depression, dissociation, low esteem and alienation come right along. it’s never just one emotion, you get an entire cluster that will cage you in. the person’s values i.e. boundaries are hard to unite with the dominant social dynamic around them, so the feeling of difference is staggering. unless you get hooked on a substance, reclusion is the only way to deal with the pressure, awkwardness meaning humiliation and anguish if you feel exhausted from trying or being encroached on (i argue that 70-80% of reclusive people have been bullied). those walls are hard to break and valuable contacts difficult to establish. that pattern can stay for a lifetime even if you work hard to resolve it. reclusion is one of the most deep-wired things i know and projects doubt into any person you encounter.

yoongi is both sensitive and self-conscious and easily escapes into pragmatism over emotions to shield himself. it’s not been responded to. being put on the spot, bent into something else, deprioritized, disappointed, left by yourself, things like that, your self-worth and ability/will to connect is eroded over time. you stop seing the point and it’s legitimate, and become a one person army who rejects others habitually. recluses have been driven to a point of giving up. yoongi verbatim has been strictly parented in the early years, he’s seen many hostile environments and embarrassments. i can see why he was not given what he needed nor learned bonding skills or had a motivation to begin with since people made him feel bad instead of fully welcomed and treated without causing him resentments. 

in a way, yoongi’s avoidance is often similar to namjoon’s but the latter does it to avoid conflict. yoongi secludes himself for peace of mind and preventing heartbreak even if that means sacrificing his needs. jungkook is similar, if not more extreme, though he retains some bodily energy at least. yoongi goes from social depletion to getting even more deprived since one-on-one does charge his batteries. but he can’t get it if he keeps his distance which he does even if others are beside him. that he’s had enough self-control to quit smoking and drinking to cope is an admirable thing. though the root problem will stick around even if you build up your boundaries and restructure your entire social surrounding which is by its very nature hard to control.