#pmothman

“I had a feeling you could use some company~ and I even brought you coffee”

You thought I could, but I know you don't entirely understand. I know...but really, it might be for good this time... I'm really sorry bud.

Mun: ...Night Dib.

“Of course it’s you. What’re you doing here so late?” Dib asked annoyed.

"… Love you too…” I whispered back.

I have been sneaking glances every other ten or so minutes to make sure she didn't leave. She's been drawing, that is, until she curled up on the bed and started to sleep. I put about three blankets on her. I know she gets cold easily. I looked through the black sketchbook she had been drawing in. I smiled because I saw pictures of Zim and me. Especially of me. She wasn't done with the recent one she was just working on. This makes me happy. I put her sketchbook away on the desk, along with her glasses, pen and bag. I left the bag near the bed. It's really heavy. Even I don't have a backpack that heavy unless I'm out hunting out in the wilderness... Curiosity got the best of me. I looked inside. It's full of art supplies, drawing paper, another sketchbook, notebooks and...first aid, a knife hidden in a comb, medicine, foldable scissors, handkerchief, sanitary napkins, gum, candy, trail mix, water bottles and another mini kit full of nail clippers and tweezers... She has a bit of everything in that backpack. Looked like she was prepared for whatever too. I put everything back. Looking through the back pack has made me understand her a little better now. Though...I wonder about the medications. I didn't realize that she was going through such pain. I want to talk to her about it but I'm going to have to wait until the morning. She's fast asleep. Looking at her now...she looks so relaxed and content in her start of her deep sleep. She must be very tired. I think I might stay up a little longer until I fall asleep too... I want to watch some pf the recordings over again but I feel as though it would just make me feel sad all over again. I think I'll just avoid it as much as I can. After all...I'm going to try hard to forget and move on...if only my memories would let me... ... But still...I can only think of how the warmth felt when I held Janne and Zim in my arms...the laughter and fun...the kisses and embraces... I think...I should just sleep too...

...It's too quiet now in the house. Both Zim and his person are gone. My person comes and goes. I'm scared she'll never come back every time she leaves. Everytime I cling onto her more. I don't want to be alone again... I'm tired and too afraid to be alone anymore... I know she didn't mean for them to leave. She just wanted to tell the truth and yet, it came out the wrong way. She feels responsible and beats herself up for their disappearance. I tried looking. Looking everywhere. They're gone or possibly hidden from my sight. Our sight. I'm sure she's tried looking too.... but I think she gave up. I'm still trying but I'm slamming into dead ends. I miss them...I miss Zim. It's not the same living here now. It was more fun, more alive with them around...and we laughed, we joked and even if certain things got to us, we worked it out somehow. I miss it. It was something I never had and may not experience ever again...I hear the door. She's back again. Thank God. But...she still looks the same. Also the same lifeless energy coming from her. But you can see it all on her face. I'm hugging her tightly and she's trying not to cry when I do. She tells me how it's her fault and she is sorry and that she doesn't know what to do. I tell her it's okay, that I'm still around and that she's with me. That we have each other. She cries more. She's scared she might come back either and I hold onto her more. I tell her in my shaky voice how I don't want her to go. She says she might one day and I keep saying no. She also then says she's so afraid to leave me, to leave me back in the hell I have been living in my whole life. She doesn't want to leave. She says I shouldn't go through it again. I feel like crying. I know I don't really exist in her world, and I know she doesn't really exist in mine... But we're all we have for each other. I'm alive in her eyes and she knows how much I am real to her as much as she is to me. I hug her more and kiss her head. I tell her that I need her. I don't want to be lonely anymore. That I'm tired of being afraid, that I haven't given up on looking and that I'm scared of her going and that I'm here. Her voice breaks and starts to cry more. She's sobbing and breaking down. She starts telling me how she made the same mistake again and wishes that she could tell them she's sorry. I comfort her until she stops and becomes quiet. She then wipes her face and looks so tired... I ask if she's okay. She shakes her head saying she's very emotionally drained over it all. I ask of she's going to leave again. She looks at me, staring deeply into my eyes. She looks down. I can tell she's having mixed emotions about me too. But I'm scared of she'll make a decision...will she leave...or stay? She then says she's going to stay as long as she can this time and though it relieves me a bit, I'm still scared of her leaving the house. I begin to have these awful thoughts of forcing her to stay but...I care too much to keep her here. It's her choice. Just as much as she thinks of me. I almost find it unbearable...I just want to do anything to keep her here a little longer...I really really don't want her to go... Please don't leave me too...