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I think the most mildly infuriating things about being a system is the shit like:
Food that you love suddenly tastes absolutely rank.
The fucking handwriting changes.
One alter wanting to do one thing but another wanting to do another, and both are good things to do so it’s hard to figure out who to listen to.
And so much more…
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“You’re faking if you give your alters names”
These bitches come with names, I don’t give them names, they tell me them.
So many people talk about having alters and distinct different identities as part of having a CDD. But I don’t see many talking about having a huge lack of identity due to the chronic dissociation. Yes I know which part I am, but I don’t necessarily feel like I know what my likes/dislikes are, or anything like that.
Just know. If I reblog something and it suddenly vanished mysteriously, I accidentally blogged something that's (pro) endo because they DO NOT TAG THEIR SHIT
I think one of the worst parts of having a CDD for me is the time warping that I experience. I’m always aware and never experience a full switch, the closest I get is when I’m basically pushed out of control and have to watch stuff (but even then I’m still conscious).
Due to that, I rarely (if ever) experience blackout amnesia and complete losing of time. But due to the co-fronts and co-consciousness experiences, I do still get varying levels of amnesia, which in turn cause my sense of time to be off.
Like. I really don’t care about losing memories because I often don’t realise I’ve lost them until someone goes “yeah I said x to you yesterday” or something. But the time warping really throws me off.
I often end up in situations where I think something was last year, or last month, or last week. And it was more like three years ago, six months ago, or even three-four months ago. It really fucks with me because I then go into a breakdown over it.
But on the other side, I also experience time so freaking slowly. Like. It feels like it’s taking ages for something to happen or for a certain date to arrive or that I have a lot more time for something than I actually do.
It’s so frustrating because I then end up having the two mess with each other and it results in me going “oh nah, I’m fine I have plenty of time to do something” and then the deadlines looming on me what feels like the next day and I’m like “fuck fuck fuck”.
Yeah. I’m really bad at putting this into words but hopefully I’m not alone in this feeling of time being stretched and squashed simultaneously.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I think one of the worst parts about probably having P-DID is that whenever a part switches in, it often results in me going “well I don’t feel like me but I am me” and it’s so freaking confusing.
There’s also the thing of looking in a mirror and half feeling like “that’s not me” and half feeling like “that’s me”. It gets to the point where I will actively avoid looking at myself in the mirror or smth because it actively freaks me out.
I be out there collecting diseases and disorders like they’re Pokemon. Just as I learn to manage to handle one, another pops up. It’s awesome…
“Oh man I really don’t think I can have (P-)DID”
Looks back at my journal and the handwriting and tone changes every five seconds even pre syscovery.
