#pineapple hat

There has been some confusion about the biography of Miss Jean Louis, which is currently being published in multiple, non-canonical segments on various blogs, websites, and social media sites. Well, we’re here to clear up the most important three features of this amazing and powerful woman’s life: How many corn kernels she has ever consumed, the type of dog she has petted most often, and the most-played song she’s ever deleted from her phone. 

To begin: How many corn kernels she has consumed in her lifetime. This is a little difficult to calculate, given that no one is sure of her exact age. She has merely been here, in her pineapple hat, taking care of the various forms of chaos Misha leaves in his wake. However, given the basic surveillance that the government and YAHOOGLE have preformed, we’ve discovered that she eats popcorn (~100 kernels) once a month and corn-on-the-cob (~800 kernels) at family barbecues only, bringing her average corn kernel consumption to around 113,200 kernels. 

Now, onto the next order of business: The type of dog she has petted most often. In this instance, despite a high proportion of Rottweilers from 2012-2014, her most petted breed of dogs is the beagle. (This is not meant to express her favorite type of dog, a deep and philosophical question that remains unaddressed in recent interviews.)

The most-played song that she has deleted from her phone is... (drumroll please)... Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up. We assume she downloaded it with pure intentions, but gave into the increasing pull of modern culture’s fascination with misusing the song and began to use it for her own nefarious purposes. In order to restrain herself, she was forced to delete the song from her phone. Her loss.