#pillsforbreakfast

I feel so lame for feeling like this but I’ve never been in a serious relationship with anybody but I’ve hooked up with multiple people and lately I’ve been very insecure about that.. Like I have plenty of friends that have never been in a relationship but they’ve also never really done anything sexual w another person so it’s not like they’re giving them self away for free, like? I feel like people look at me like I’m easy or something and I’m REALLY not easy (not that there’s anything wrong with being promiscuous) I may have my moments where I hook up quickly but it’s not because THEY want to it’s because I want to as well… Like I like being sexual just as much as the next person but I’m tired of people looking at me like I’m just somebody to play with when they’re bored. And I also have friends that do the same things that I do and they’ve had plenty successful relationships and I really just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. And I mean I’m not really looking for a relationship but I mean like I said I’m 19 and no ones ever taken me seriously enough or cared enough about me to want to be with me like that and that doesn’t really make me feel inadequate or less than but it does make me feel abnormal. Like what’s wrong w me? And all my young adult/teenage life I’ve told myself “don’t even think about that bull shit. Relationships ain’t shit. Men ain’t shit, and girls got too much to worry about to be into relationships w you or anybody for that matter, you should know, you’re a girl lmao” and it’s like cool. Fuck that. I’m in college I have more important shit to worry about but I tell myself that and then I’m surrounded by happy couples and I can’t help but to wonder “Why can’t I have that” I mean it’s not like having a significant other and being in school is impossible… There’s plenty of successful women in relationships that are also in school and have great careers etc, it’s not like I’m stupid for pondering about relationships while I’m in college like… Idk I feel so dumb for feeling like this cause I really shouldn’t care but I do because it’s not so much that I want a relationship I guess I’m just lonely all the time now that I live in NY (cause that’s what this city does is make you feel alone despite all the people) but like I am totally open to being w someone as long as it’s the right person. No matter what, even if I'm single forever I'll never be desperate for a relationship... That shit ain't cute and only causes problems. If you're desperate you're playing yourself honestly, but everybody secretly wants to have that one person in their life and I think that's pretty corny but I'm feeling like that a lot lately which brings me back to I feel so dumb for saying this and feeling like this cause I know I shouldn’t give a fuck ugh