personal. might delete later
- rudely handling my phone during someone's piano recital recording run through bc she freaked out from nerves so bad she had to start over. nerves are catching.
- my piece is about 3 mins plus and apparently my attention span is about a minute and a half. it's why I chose to memorize my piece bc I just haven't been using my brain in this way.
- I dont have regrets about this bc the guy before this lady had his music and his hands shook anyway.
- last night I realized I also stop breathing during so I'll try to keep breathing today lol. that's my goal. to BREATHE while I play
****
-first run through. I completely forgot all the notes to the last 3 bars! had to start from 8 bars from the end. I think I forgot to breathe again
-there's a photographer wandering around taking photos. teacher's idea but the man moving around making clicking noises completely made me lose my shit.
- I hate being photographed and when I did this recital thing pre pandemic once before I never looked at the recording or kept the photos either.
- our first player is having her recording session now and she is falling apart and she has her sheet music with her
******
- the finale student who is playing the hardest piece, with sheet music, is now doing her video recording
- do i do my thing with the sheet music or do I go by memory?? doing a hybrid only leads to disaster. I haven't been practicing with the sheet music but I won't blank out as with memory. decisions
*****
- oh no. people invited others. why are they here so early? recital isn't until 4 and it is 2:40
***
- 2nd try. i asked the photographer to not photograph me at all. it helped to not be aware of him for most of it. but I just completely run out juice at the final line once again. I was halfway joking about my attention span but I really think maybe it actually is about 2 minutes.
- I might have to go with the music which kind of undoes the purpose of memorizing this piece. poop.
***
- okay so our recital time was 3 not 4?!?!
- i played with the sheet music. poop. it sounded OK to me in the moment but I wish I'd played it from memory as planned.
