...or at least that's the plan. Then again, I told myself this nearly a month ago after I finishing this book literally titled, “How To Break Up With Your Phone,” by Catherine Price. I read it in three days (a personal record). All at once, I was intrigued, moved, dumbfounded, shook. And by Chapter 2, completely exposed. Hi. My name is Colleen, and I’m addicted to my phone.

Disclaimer: I did not buy this book (it was passed down to me from a close friend) but I never thought I actually needed it. Phone addiction? Me? Baloney! Of course, I should have known that denial and addiction go hand in hand, but alas, I had to accept that this is just how I am. A phone addict that can't do anything for 5 minutes without simultaneously scrolling through IG or refreshing emails. Except I don't want to be that person, not anymore. We attribute this to being able to "multitask" but the thing is, it isn’t even real. It's physically impossible to devote your entire attention to two things at once. Phones have made concentrating increasingly difficult and convince myself that I have ADD because of it. I want to change and reading this book forced me to want to take action. So now, my next step is to understand how the fuck I got to this point.

PREVIOUS INSTALLMENT: Analyzing Your Behavior Before the “Break Up”

Sometimes, with my career as a hairstylist, I come home and do not want to do anything. I’ll either veg out on the bed and watch reruns of The Office, make dinner, or hang out in the backyard with my partner and a glass of rose. 

Unfortunately I realized that daily reflection of my relationship with my phone may not happen, but as the author of “How to Break Up with Your Phone” Catherine Price has mentioned several times, “This is my personal journey and program.” So I’m not feeling too guilty about skipping a few days of entries. 

However, that does not mean I have not noticed a difference or that I have not taken steps in my personal break up with my device. 

Album Artwork from As It Is’s new album “The Great Depression”

DAY TWO: Assess Your Current Relationship

What do you love about your phone?

Personally, I love the void it fills. If I am ever bored, do not want to be alone with my thoughts, or just want to detach from the world, it is there. I never worry about feeling awkward when I am out or standing alone in a crowd because with my phone, it seems all my friends are a swipe and fingerprint away. I love how many new things I have discovered through my phone. I love that I have every answer at my fingertips, I am connected to my schedule at work, and I love that it holds all of my music. I can pay my bills and set reminders so I never fall behind. I love the feeling of sharing my life with the world around me and notifications give me some sort of feeling of importance in such a big world around me!

What don’t you love about your phone?

I hate the need to check it constantly. I hate that the idea of losing it means I somehow cannot exist or operate in the world today. I hate that because I am addicted to the validation, serotonin release in my brain, and comfort it gives me means I miss out on a lot of opportunities for having a productive day, moving forward in my career, or even just spending time in the city. I hate how anxious I feel when I am not on it. 

What changes do you notice in yourself--positive or negative--when you spend a lot of time on your phone?

Positive: I notice that people around me remember me more when I am out and that I always have more things to talk about with them in real life because I am all caught up on their social life. I notice that that makes me feel more social. I feel more inspired after swiping through a lot of haircutting videos or new makeup tutorials.

Negative: I notice that my memory is weak. I do not have to remember as much when I have a phone to tell me how to get anywhere or tell me anything I need to know at moment’s notice. I get headache from staring at the screen without my glasses in the middle of the night while trying to fall back to sleep. My concentration while reading or watching an educational video wavers because I am so used to “Listicles” and short spurts of information I gain from my phone. I notice that I feel lonely sometimes when I’ve opted so spend the entire day on my phone rather than speak to another human being.

Imagine yourself at the end of your break up.

What would you like your new relationship with your phone to be like?

I would like to not rely on my phone so much. I would like to feel more organized and aware of what my life and schedule is looking like. I would like to use my phone to create new content, continue to share my life but also my career and new content I have created, and would like to only feel the need to look at it when there is a purpose. I would like to feel confident in the world around me and be okay staring at a ceiling while waiting for an appointment or ahead of me at a club or be okay with reading a book in spare moments. I would like to not feel the need to send or check messages while talking to someone. I would like my phone to be a tool rather than a necessity. 

What would you like to have done/accomplished with your extra time?

I would like to spend more time reading and learning more about the world around me. I would like to spend time creating music sets and sharing my love for music with a community around me. I want to strengthen my bonds and friendships with other humans. I also want to study more about spirituality and focus on my mental and physical health. 

What would you like someone to say if you asked them to describe how you have changed?

I have decided to compile my journals on Breaking Up With My Phone into a blog so it will be easier to follow than random Facebook statuses, but also easier for me to look back on throughout the “Break Up”.

Before I show you the numbers from the app “Moment” tracking my phone usage since Thursday evening, I wanted to reflect on the question that author of the book, Catherine Price, gives us, the reader, to focus on: 

What do [I] want to pay attention to? 

When I read that question, I personally think, “What do I want to pay attention to that I AM MISSING WHEN I AM ON MY PHONE?”

Honestly, it is a lot of things: I want to pay more attention to the city I live in and all the places I have not gone since I have spent countless hours on my phone, I want to pay more attention to my craft as a hairstylist and spend more time looking at resources to improve it, I want to spend more time paying attention to music and events that support the music I like, I want to spend more time reading, and I want to spend more time paying attention to the person I am evolving into and creating things from that.

I guess that’s a long list, but it is what I feel like I have been missing out on while watching other people around me living their lives and creating things on the other side of my screen. It has taken me a long time to admit that spending time on social media is not “working” and is not “keeping me connected.” It’s just a terrible, nervous habit that I’ve created over the years of commuting, not reading, trying to pass small chunks of time, and my brain adapting to all of the tricks used to keep me on my phone.

To remind myself of the things I want to pay attention to every time I pick up my phone, I have changed my Lock Screen to this image:

Alright, so here is the data so far from the app “Moment” tracking my phone usage:

During the data gathering time period, I was not supposed to change my behavior. However, after reading the first half of “How to Break Up with Your Phone” I started to notice the constructs and tricks that were used by app and iPhone developers to keep me checking and also my own personal behavioral habits:

Sudden bursts of “Like” notifications on Instagram at moments where I definitely was thinking about closing the app.

Catching myself checking my email knowing nothing but ads would be there, but the thought of seeing something NEW was intoxicating.

Checking a text message and then wondering what was going on on social media.

Feeling anxious on the bus if I was not looking at my phone.

Feeling anxious waiting in line somewhere if I was not looking at my phone.

The endless scrolling with no end cue on any social media.

Random notifications I really should disable.

Just trying to pass time when I was feeling tired and/or bored.

Noticing these things motivated me to take some new steps:

Leaving my phone on my nightstand instead of next to me in bed.

Keeping my phone zipped up in my purse and utilizing my iWatch to skip music, answer texts, and get directions without getting sucked into any black hole other parts of my phone may have had.

Being mindful during moments of anxiety and wanting to mindlessly check my phone. I acknowledged the unhealthy response, rode the wave of wanting so bad just to open up Timehop! and felt really proud of myself when I made it through. 

I also got a lot of organizational things done at work that I probably would not have done otherwise if I had messed around on my phone.

I even deep-cleaned my entire bathroom and did all the laundry today with the distraction of checking my phone, freeing up a lot of time tomorrow.

I was surprised my phone usage numbers were not higher, because I was SURE I was worse than the data presented. I did catch myself in some social media black holes and mindlessly messing around on my phone today (my day off) but I am feeling hopeful that the relationship I actually want with my phone is very possible.

Tomorrow is the first “Official” day of the breakup, and is another tracking day, but I plan on continuing using my mindfulness and this great feeling of self awareness to continue to curb my phone time.