I feel like I was sucked in by the social media and I cannot escape. I want to live life but i'm just there, watching stupid videos, and I do laugh sometimes and I do see some cute animal videos that I enjoy, but at large, I don't gain anything from scrolling for hours.
And sometimes I see a video where the person talks about why I should put down my phone and I always agree and decide that I will put down my phone... but then I pick it up again.
I feel like I was conditioned on picking up my phone every time I feel a little bored. I pick it up the SECOND i feel like nothing happens. Or when my brain is just resting. Because I don't realize that my brain is just lying low. Just happy that it can rest. It's not boredom. It's rest.
And there are days when i actually can reduce the sacred screentime (from 4 hours at least every day to just 1 or less) but then something happens. Something that makes me anxious so I reach to my phone. Something that makes me sad so I reach to my phone. Something that makes me so tired that I reach to my phone. And that just so incredibly sad. Because why does my brain thinks the best way to combat these feeling is to open my phone and make me more physically tired, anxious or sad?
And I feel like I can't escape. There is always something. Maybe the only thing that can really make me put down my phone is actually buying those old phones that don't do anything. Maybe that Is the best way. I don't know, because I barely able to make decisions lately.
My brain is connected to the internet, and i can't think.
