#phoenixfaelicis

My Tumblr Crushes for June:

porpentinie

deviousdiggy

dresupi

phoenixfaelicis

footprintsinthesandsworld

madelienepotter

the-wayward-jedi

katiehavok

Jacob Kowalski’s bakery makes pastries in shapes of the creatures he thinks are sprung from his own imagination. But obviously we know that’s not true. But what if he made more than just the creatures? 

What if he suddenly finds himself craving Fig Newtons one day, and then dreams up a pastry shaped like a newt. He has a strange feeling that the newt should be instead in the form of a man, but shrugs it off.

What if before that, before he made any other of his creations, he had an overwhelming urge to make something fit for royalty, for a queen. He digs deep and creates a beautiful ringed pastry, much like a crown a queen might wear. But frowns. It isn’t enough.

So he keeps working, keeps trying to bring the idea, the overwhelming presence that is lingering just under the surface, to fruition. One day he finds himself playing chess with a friend, and his eyes are nearly constantly fixed on his Queen. He feels he must protect that Queen at all costs, and not just in the game. When he wins, he holds the Queen in his hand as though it were something immensely precious to him. He asks his friend if he can buy the set, insisting until the friend agrees.

Later that night he sets the chess set up on the counter in his kitchen, and begins to bake, working intently without really realizing what he is doing. He casts his eyes to the Queen on his counter often. When he stops to really see what he has been doing, an intricate chess piece stands before him, a Queen, complete with a crown set upon short ringlets. Golden ringlets. It is perfect.

While he pours every inch of himself into every thing he makes, he gives just a little bit more to his Queen pastries. He finds himself shortening the name for them to Queenies. And his Queenies become his most popular item.

They are well known all over the city, and new people are always stopping by just to try one. Until one day, someone walks in that seems as though she stepped from his own dreams, that vision that has been always just out of reach in his mind is suddenly a reality.

My Tumblr Crushes:

deviousdiggy

phoenixfaelicis

newt-loves-tina

katiehavok

annjushkasophia

shannsleeve

book-lover-dragon

how-to-train-your-niffler

But, maybe he didn't care about the possibility of dying by Grindelwald's hand. Maybe he would have considered that a mercy, that he deserved to die because he failed to protect Ariana (or possibly killed her). And maybe he thought that if he did succeed against Grindelwald, if he did kill him, it might make up for what happened to Ariana, and of course save countless other lives. So he finally drove up the courage to fight someone he loved to the death. 

But, I think, in the end, Dumbledore found that no matter how horrible Grindelwald had become, he couldn't let go of that love, he couldn't bring himself to kill him. And instead he won the duel without killing Grindelwald, leaving his former love and friend to a life of imprisonment. But I bet he felt guilty, guilty that he had shown mercy, guilty that he still cared enough to keep Grindelwald alive. So incredibly guilty that he had loved, and might always in some way continue to love, a monster. 

And maybe he felt that if he could love a monster, maybe it was best if he never loved again, if he never grew close to another again. Maybe this was another reason Dumbledore struggled so hard against how he was growing to care for Harry, as a father figure Harry so desperately needed. Dumbledore was often so distant and cryptic around everyone, refusing to elaborate further on his plans than necessary, because he was resisting letting anyone in. Because he was used to shutting people out as he took care never to risk his heart again, not just romantically, but platonic-ally, familial-y.

He was afraid to love again. He was afraid of getting hurt again. Afraid of loving a monster again. Afraid that maybe his love corrupted others, destroyed them. 

We know that Dumbledore did care for Harry, maybe thought of him as a son. But, this love was damaged by Dumbledore’s past and the situation surrounding Harry and Voldemort.  

Dumbledore always knew Harry was going to die. And until Voldemort resurrected himself using Harry’s blood, Dumbledore wasn’t even sure if he could save the boy. And once he had found a way to save Harry, he wasn’t sure if it would work. And so he tried not to care about Harry, knowing that he was leading him to his death.

Because he wanted to save the world from Voldemort, but it came at the cost of a boy, and if he grew to care for Harry, then he might lose his nerve. So he was both unconsciously and consciously trying not to care for Harry. But, he failed. He did care for Harry. Harry was someone that broke through to Dumbledore’s broken heart and taught him to care for someone again (as a father figure). But by the time Dumbledore began to love again, his heart was too fractured and damaged to love purely. He was still afraid. 

And so Dumbledore kept Harry in the dark and lied to him and manipulated him, attempting to protect him and keep him at arm’s length. He wanted to protect Harry from himself and protect himself from caring for Harry. The result was that Harry never ended up knowing much of anything about Dumbledore until after his death. And that Harry was completely lost and confused for much of Deathly Hallows, angry that Dumbledore had never trusted him.

I think maybe I am the only one who thinks that there was never a Percival Graves. That Percival Graves was always just Grindelwald in disguise. 

Newt even asked about Percival Graves' background. And Percival- Albus Dumbledore's dad's name. AND part of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore's full name. 

And Graves. Graves puts to mind the concept of death. Which makes me think of the Deathly Hallows. Which Grindelwald and Dumbledore were obsessed with. Rowling puts so much thought into naming her characters. I can't imagine she would use the name Percival without it meaning something. 

Plus, the haircut for Percival was awfully similar to Grindelwald's hair. And I don't think Grindelwald was using Polyjuice Potion. He would not have transformed back as he did if he were using Polyjuice Potion. No, I think it was self transfiguration. 

And people mention how Grindelwald was not in America at the beginning. Well, so? He can apparate! And as an immensely skilled wizard, he could probably apparate exceptional distances. Especially since we know he already has the Elder Wand (he was young when he stole it from Gregorovitch).  

I think he put the time in establishing himself as an Auror at MACUSA, probably using spells to confund the higher ups, so he could search for the obscurial that he knew was somewhere nearby. And anytime he had other business, he could just apparate wherever he needed, do it, then come back. 

Sadly, I think Percival Graves was just an act, a persona used by a talented and manipulative man. He was kind to Credence in order to get Credence to help him, and when he thought Credence was no longer useful to him, he showed who he truly was.