#phiel

“Every time I go around it’s harder and harder to watch it. Watch them meet, become friends, fall in love, go to war together, get married, become the best monarchs. And then watch him after they die. Because it was unexpected. She didn’t die from an illness, they didn’t get their last words. I watch him fall past the pits of hell so quickly and it takes years to even become remotely okay. And as time progresses he gets better and better, but I never get to know the end, I never find out if he’s happy. Because I die, or almost die, and then I’m forced to go through all of it again. I think that’s why we have such an unbreakable bond. He doesn’t know that I loop. Or at least I don’t tell him every time I loop. But I know him. I know every thought and every emotion that goes through him until the day I die. You might be wondering why, if I know everything that’s going to happen, why can’t I change things or give us a leg up. Because I made a promise. I met GOD (this is why lyah is spiritual on a weird level). The promise is that I can stay alive, but I will live my life on loop and I cannot change anything I or anyone else said or did outside of a slight margin of error. Basically I’m not allowed to change history. I know exactly what’s going to happen and I can’t tell anybody and it makes every death twelve times harder. GOD partially took away my ability to break the promise. I have been physically restrained by myself and an unseen force to be kept from doing things. My throat refuses to form the words and make the sounds of things I’m not allowed to say. And even if I managed to change things, then I would die. So you may go and try to do something “changed” but you don’t know what has already been done so you don’t know what a deviation is. You might decide to go randomly kiss somebody to “break the cycle” when in reality, you’ve done it in every cycle. For no other reason than thinking you’re making a change. Sometimes little things change. Subplots as I would like to call them. But the main events can never be changed. Maybe you save a life here or there but it all resets at the end of it all. And I don’t know if this is real or if this is in my head and no change ever actually really happens. I’m trapped. But I try to make the best of it. I don’t have to worry about money or planning for my future because I know exactly what is going to happen and then it all resets. I like seeing the slight variations through. You and Cassio have a few different variations of your relationship. Yeah, you date that jackass, don't ask me why. Sometimes this conversation spurs it. Sometimes it’s different events in the future that I cannot disclose. Only a couple times you two got together within the first week of knowing each other.”