#phanficion

That boy take me away into the night

Out of the hum of the street lights and into a forest

I'll do whatever you say to me in the dark

It was an unspoken agreement. An arrangement, for lack of any better words. A quick fuck here and there, a sloppy blowjob, rushed orgasms in a no strings attached kind of way. Dan despised it. Moreover, he despised himself for letting it happen time after time. Every text and every call, every, “you still awake” and every 3am knock on the door he answered. He tricked himself into thinking it could change, that one of these times Phil would stay, or he'd open the door and it’d be different, be slow and caring and…loving. It never was. It was rushed, hurried, sloppy kisses and discarded clothes, hissed words and frantic hands. It was quick and it was dirty like Dan was a secret Phil would take to the grave. And Dan wasn’t stupid. He’d seen the texts and the calls and the girl Phil called up afterward, promising he'd be home soon, he’d just got caught up or couldn’t sleep and went for a walk. It was lies and bullshit but then again, Dan mused, what did he expect Phil to say?

Scared I'll be torn apart by a wolf in mask

Of a familiar name on a birthday card

He dreaded to even think about what his family would say. What they’d think or do. It was bad enough he was gay, let alone a booty call. He supposed he was a hypocrite, mad at Phil for treating him like a dirty little secret when it was exactly how he treated him in return. He supposed he didn’t even know Phil. Not really. They’d been friends when they were teenagers, but even then they were never close. They'd met again and well, that relationship was essentially this, this friends with benefits bullshit agreement.

Blow out all the candles

Blow out all the candles

"You're too old to be so shy"

He says to me so I stay the night

You wanna come over? 

Dan’s phone pinged and a wave of dread laced with arousal washed over him as he picked it up and opened the conversation. He texted back before he could think twice and picked up his coat, slipping into his shoes. He knew the short walk to Phil’s apartment like the back of his hand, every step burned into his memory out of sheer shame, guilt, need.

“Hey,” Phil whispered as soon as Dan was through the door, not even letting him reply before his lips were pressed against his own, rushed and sloppy, hands frantically pushing his coat off, stumbling against the wall as Dan took off his shoes.

They separated briefly to pull off their shirts, bare chests heaving and flushed, glinting with sweat in the dim light of the hall lamp. Phil lunged back onto him, hands already making fast work off Dan’s belt. He pushed him through the door to his room and Dan froze. They never fucked in Phil’s bed. Somehow that’d be too nice, not dehumanising enough, but here they were. Phil must’ve noticed his almost hesitance and pulled back, stopped the assault on his lips long enough to whisper,

“She’s gone for the weekend.” Dan wanted to laugh, he wanted to cry, wanted to scream and kick and yell and fight. He found his lips back on Phil’s.

His bed was soft, the mattress and duvet cushioning his fall as he was pushed back onto it, Phil dragging off his trousers not a moment later. He was rock hard and Phil smirked, reaching out a slender finger to drag down his cock, biting his lip when Dan gasped. Phil’s own jeans hit the floor with a muffled thud, belt jingling as it fell to the carpet. It was too loud when the only other noise in the room was their laboured breaths.

“Top or bottom?” Dan managed to gasp, cock twitching as Phil’s eyes raked up his body. Phil reached down to tweak one of Dan’s nipples, bending down to nibble on his earlobe, sucking it into his mouth, lathing at it with his tongue. Dan couldn’t contain his moans.

“I’m topping you tonight, Dan,” he whispered huskily and a pearl of precome oozed into Dan’s boxers, hands flying up to clutch at Phil’s back, hips rutting up into his thigh. Phil laughed, the sound deep and rumbling in his chest, somehow only serving to amplify Dan’s current arousal.

“Didn’t give you enough time to prepare tonight, did I?” Phil asked and Dan shook his head. Usually, Phil would give him fair warning, allowing him time to stretch himself, a task he preferred he did himself. Allowing Phil to do it only made it all the more personal, made it seem like Phil cared as opposed just using him as a hole to fuck.

“I don’t need much prep,” Dan croaked and winced at the harshness of his voice, far too loud in the quiet room. Phil raised an eyebrow but kissed his way down Dan’s body and pulled off his boxers nonetheless.

“Pass me the lube. Top drawer, next to you.” Dan did as he was told, heart hammering with both arousal and something a lot like anxiety. Phil pressed a kiss to Dan’s shaft before lubing up a finger and slipping it in, working it to the last knuckle before pulling it out. Dan forced himself to relax, eyes slipping closed and willed himself to not remember this feeling, not remember how carefully Phil was working him open.

“More,” Dan hissed, eager to rush this part as much as he could. He knew he’d regret it, Phil wasn’t exactly small, but this felt too much like a relationship, too caring. Phil pursed his lips but slipped in his middle finger along side his index one, pumping both of the digits in and out, scissoring him open. Dan huffed out a moan, hips bucking up, cock hard and flushed against his stomach, leaking onto the skin.

Bending down, Phil took Dan into his mouth, fingers never stopping their movements. Dan half yelled at the shock, opening his eyes to take in the image of Phil's hollowed cheeks, his normally blue eyes blown wide, hooded and dark. His orgasm pooled in his stomach and he grunted, reaching out and pulling Phil’s head down farther, hands tangling in his hair. Phil nudged his prostate and Dan cried out, forcing himself to release Phil from his grip and stutter out a warning.

“I’m close, fuck.” Phil pulled off his cock with an obscene pop, lips glistening and red, now three fingers deep in Dan and Dan couldn’t even remember him adding a third digit. He didn’t care.

“You ready?” Phil asked, eyes almost soft and Dan snapped his shut, nodding vigorously. When he opened them again, Phil was hovering over him, his smirk predatory. With one swift thrust, he pushed into Dan, hissing as Dan swallowed his length, watching it disappear into him. “Fuck, look at you, taking me so fucking well,” Phil growled and Dan moaned, nails raking down Phil’s back, blunt nails breaking the skin in places, drawing droplets of crimson to the surface.

Phil rolled his hips, throwing his head back and moaning loudly at the feeling before drawing back and snapping forward again, starting a fast and hard pace, unrelenting. He barely even glanced at Dan, too caught up in chasing his own pleasure. Dan clenched hard around him when he hit his prostate, crying out as his cock throbbed in need. Reaching down, Dan wrapped a hand around himself, knowing Phil wouldn’t do it for him.

“Phil,” Dan gasped and Phil bit his lip, picking up the pace further, ramming his cock into Dan again and again and again, hitting all the right spots and Dan thought he could come, even if he removed his hand from his cock. He thought he could die from just that, just the feeling of Phil so deep inside him. Dan clenched down again and Phil moaned loudly. Dan could feel every ridge, every vein, every throb of Phil’s cock buried inside him. The guilt was nonexistent, the anxiety gone, both replaced by a tsunami of arousal, a primal need. He fisted his cock faster, perfectly in time with Phil’s brutal thrusts.

“I’m gonna cum Dan, I’m gonna cum right in your arse, buried deep inside you,” Phil snarled and Dan yelled out, his own orgasm tearing through him, hitting his chest and stomach, the smaller shots trickling over his fingers. Phil grunted and thrusted once, twice, particularly hard on the third and then he was coming in deep, long ropes inside Dan, painting his walls. Dan moaned out, a smaller, weaker orgasm being ripped out of him from that sensation alone.

Phil pulled out of Dan and rolled off, laying on his back, chest heaving, eyes wide. Usually, Dan would stand up, go the bathroom and clean off before getting dressed and leaving but something compelled him to stay, some unknown force or emotion.

Just a young heart confusing my mind

But we're both in silence

Wide-eyed, both in silence

Wide-eyed, like we're in a crime scene

“That was fun,” Phil laughed, breathless and ragged.

“Yeah, it was,” Dan whispered, his voice small and distant, the familiar feelings of shame and anxiety rolling over him, the sense of regret and the screaming voice asking just what the actual fuck he was doing there again. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw.

Well, I have brittle bones it seems

I bite my tongue and I torch my dreams

Have a little voice to speak with

And a mind of thoughts and secrecy

Phil rolled off the bed and stumbled into the bathroom, leaving Dan alone and with his thoughts. He wondered who he’d be if he’d never met Phil all those years ago, never met him again in that bar, never sealed his fate to be stuck in this loveless arrangement. He hated himself, both who he was and who he was at that point in time, despised himself for ever allowing it to get this far, for allowing himself to get in this deep. He wanted to go back and change it all, forget Phil and all the shit he’d brought with him.

Things cannot be reversed

We learn from the times that we are cursed

Things cannot be reversed

Learn from the ones we fear the worst

And learn from the ones we hate the most

“You should get going,” Phil spoke from the doorway and Dan was snapped out of his thoughts, anger replacing the feeling of guilt. Of course. Why would it ever be any fucking different? Dan nodded, standing up and making his way into the bathroom, pushing past Phil and locking the door. He placed both hands on the sink and stared into the mirror, watched as his reflection cried, eyes red and cheeks pale. He snarled at the mirror image of himself and busied himself with cleaning himself off.

'Cause we both know

I'll never be your lover

I only bring the heat

Company under cover

Filling space in your sheets

Dan refused to meet Phil’s eye as he picked his clothes up from the floor, making his way into the hall for his shirt, shoes, and coat. This was all it’d ever be. All he was good for. A quick and dirty fuck, nothing more and nothing less. How dare he even think it would ever be different, that Phil would ever come around.

“Dan-” Phil started and Dan snapped.

“Don’t. Fucking don’t, Phil. Just fuck off.” Dan opened the front door and slammed it shut behind him, running down the apartment complex’s stairs as fast as he could, blinking back tears mingled with guilt and shame. The cold night air hit him like a slap in the face and he walked back to his apartment, alone and in the dark.