#phan proposal

It’s been nearly five months since their tour had begun, and there was so much that had happened in those five months that made a lifetime of memories from them. They started in Brighton, just a short distance from their home city, and now they’re about to perform their last show in Mumbai. To say it was bittersweet would be a complete understatement.

The tour itself wasn’t bittersweet, but the ending of this chapter of their lives was. Dan had felt the sadness and post-tour-depression woes  to dawn on him as soon as they touched down in Mumbai. After today, there would be no more constant shows. No more meeting fans all of the time. No more performances. No more Interactive Introverts.

The thought made him sad.

When they had started planning Interactive Introverts, it seemed like a far-fetched idea that would never work. They had been just lying in bed that day, post-sex (but no one needed to know that), when Phil spewed out the words ‘I wanna do another tour’. They brainstormed random and silly ideas back and forth with each other until Dan had jokingly said ‘maybe we should just ask our audience what they would want’. Nearly instantly, the tour was born.

When the tour started, it was bumpy. They made a few slip ups, like being caught in the fact that they made the London show and the Glasgow show exactly the same. And also the time Dan fell on his ass on his stage and nearly cried. Or when Dan was on the wheel being sacrificed and he called Phil a ‘dick’ in front of the audience of their young viewers and some parents. And then there was also that one time where Dan forgot his lines, laughed, and then snorted into the microphone (turns out some viewers had filmed that, cheeky little shits).

But now, they’re in the interval for their last show and Dan is feeling it in his chest. The weight of how this was the last time they’d be performing the second half of the show was heavy. He was gearing up to be on the wheel—like he’d been for majority of these shows—and he was zipping up the plastic suit. Phil was stood back, scrolling on his phone and looking at all of the tags for the show, checking out what everyone was saying.

“Apparently, everyone is loving the fact that you got to be a furry in the simulation portion.”

Dan scoffed. “Ha. Ha. Very funny that my tail got caught in the door and I slipped and died. Very. Unfortunate.”

Phil chuckled, doing his weird tongue thingy that Dan loved so much, even though he liked to pick on it as well. “At least you didn’t end up in hell with the danandphilcrafts version of yourself.”

“Hm…don’t know. I’ve probably got a golden seat embellished with my name already waiting for me down there.”

In the background, the beginning of The Final Countdown started playing and Dan sighed. Show time. He needed to get up on the wheel…for the last time.

* * *

It was getting to be the end of the show. Dan was poised at his piano behind the screen as Phil finished up his diss track. He had his fingers already sitting on the keys so he could start playing as soon as Phil said his cue.

Then he heard it.

The screen opens and there is smoke: Dan always did want to make a dramatic entrance. As he begins to play, he sees Phil stood there on the side of the stage, his backwards cap making him look like a dork. But he was Dan’s dork.

He begins to sing. He thinks his voice is trembling slightly and he hopes no one else can hear it. These lyrics mean a lot to him. They’re the story of he and Phil and he likes being able to tell people about it.

He continues to sing, people are laughing, some are singing along. He can hear it all and it’s making him emotional that this is the last time he’ll ever sing this song for others. Then he stops and looks up for a split second to Phil sitting on the piano.

He loves how Phil glows in this light, so calm and so poised as he watches him.

Dan loves him so much.

And then it’s their duet. Dan knows that they’re not in sync, nor are they harmonised. But he stills loves singing along with Phil. He always has. Even when they’re in their kitchen and singing along to the songs of Mamma Mia at three AM while wine drunk.

And then the duet is over, and people are clapping and cheering. And everything is done. It’s over. They’re over. The show is over. Dan feels like he could cry. Maybe he is? He feels kind of numb right now.

But then the cheering stops and there are some gasps coming from the audience. He’s confused. Why is that? Did something set on fire? He doesn’t smell smoke.

He looks around because he’s honestly confused until he sees it and his hands come up to his mouth in shock. In front of him, there was Phil, on one knee, with a black velvet box opened to show a beautiful black band glimmering under the light.

“Dan, I’ve been wanting to do this for so long and I have been struggling to find the correct time.” He hears Phil begin. “We’ve become more open and we’ve agreed that we wanted to make ourselves more known and our relationship more visible. That was the whole point of our lives this past year, right? I’ve loved you since I first met you, and I’ve known for these past ten years that I wanted to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you.” Phil’s voice was now choked up, and Dan could feel some stray tears coming down his cheeks as well. “Will you marry me?”

Dan’s answer is immediate. It comes out a little bit choked but he manages a “yes!” pretty quickly before sliding off his piano seat and throwing his arms around Phil. They don’t kiss because he isn’t ready to show that level of PDA yet. But they do hold each other as the audience cheers and whistles. He lets Phil place the ring on his finger and it’s a little bit big, but they’ll worry about the resizing later.

He looks down and he’s in shock. The black band stands out against his complexion and he has no words. As he stands up, with Phil beside him, they wave their goodbyes to the fans and Dan can’t help but stare at the glimmering black on his left ring finger. As they stand in the back, waiting for the screen to close, he takes Phil’s hand in his and he smiles widely.

This is definitely an end of an era for them, but it’s also the beginning of a more amazing one as well. Up next: house shopping, wedding planning, and dog adopting.

1.

There was something almost soothing about the in between state of consciousness Phil found himself in. His eyes were closed, lids too heavy to open and no reason to do so. He was leaning against something warm.

Perhaps it was someone; someone with dark curly hair and a soft, fond smile as he felt Phil against his side.

He could hear the movement of the train as it travelled, wind rushing outside the window and the tracks sliding against the wheels. It was quiet inside the train, as it always was with public transportation, the noises outside were the only sound to be heard.

Phil wasn’t exactly asleep, but he was far from awake. His mind was almost scarily silent, free from any worries or burdens. It was peaceful, he felt peaceful.

He didn’t remember where he was going or what for. All he knew was that he was on a train and there was someone warm against him. That someone smelled good too, a sharp contrast to the metallic and stale air of the train. Instinctively, he moved closer, pressing his nose to the skin of the person who had unknowingly become his pillow.

He heard a gentle laugh, the sound making his heart squeeze. It was a familiar laugh, one he had heard many times. His heart had recognized it and sang because of  it.

Something soft touched his arm. It travelled up and down it, continuing its feather-like touch. Phil liked it; it was drawing him farther into the grip of sleep.

“You awake?” a voice whispered. Phil could feel the rumbles of the words before he heard them, a side effect of touching the skin.

Phil wanted to respond, wanted to say something, but his mind was blank. Too tired to form sentences or move more muscle than he already had.

He felt something something touch his forehead. It was warm yet chapped and all too familiar for Phil to fight it. It made him sigh happily, melt further into the warmth of the person.

“You’re so sweet,” the voice hummed, “how did I ever get lucky enough to be loved by someone like you?”

The hand moved from his arm to his hair, pushing his quiff back. Then, it tugged on his glasses, removing them and relieving him from the slight discomfort.

“I love you, Phil.”

Phil sighed again, his way of saying “I love you” back without having to utter words. The hand was back on his arm and sleep was slowly claiming him.

He napped with a small smile on his face and close to the body of his lover.

His lover rested his head on top of Phil’s, growing tired himself. They had another four hours on the train and time felt so long with little space the move around in. Maybe they’d nap for the rest of the trip or wake up a few hours before they arrived in Scotland.

Either way, his lover was content to drift off as well, falling asleep with Phil.

2.

Phil was, despite his friendly attitude and glee towards fans, reserved about himself and his own private details.This applied to everyone who knew him, even Dan. He liked to keep his emotions private, liked to deal with things alone.

Of course, that never stopped Dan from finding out that he was struggling, but it was a hard habit he couldn’t break.

They were neck deep into the tour, speeding across America and travelling overnight through winding roads, the sound of the engine running. Perform, pack up, travel. One minute Phil was asleep and the next he was standing on stage in front of hundreds.

He ignored the stress, didn’t talk about it or even acknowledge it. He let it fester in the back of his mind, only rising during night and stealing precious sleep from him.

When the stress found that it wasn’t being listen to, it turned physical.

Dan was sitting on the bus couch, scrolling through his phone without a care. They were in between venues and parked at a rest stop to use an actual bathroom and regroup.

Phil boarded the bus, his feet dragging and body hunched over. He made a beeline to Dan wordlessly, easing himself onto the couch next to him. He cuddled up to Dan, clinging onto his arm and resting his head on Dan’s shoulder. Dan didn’t say anything, too caught up in what he was reading to notice Phil’s clinginess.

Phil was rarely clingy, preferring to keep things lazy and natural. The only times Dan had noticed him being clingy were when he was overwhelmed, exhausted, or sick. Those were the times were Phil broke down his own personal safeguard to let Dan in and finally let himself heal.

Dan didn’t take notice until his phone alerted him of a low battery, pulling him from his realm of reading. Frowning, he reluctantly locked it and tried to stand up. He was stopped, however, by a pitiful whine from Phil who clung desperately to his arm.

Dan noticed how Phil’s face was twisted in discomfort, one he would get when he had too much lactose or had twisted a muscle the previous day. Dan’s heart faltered in sympathy, suddenly very worried about Phil.

“Phil? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Phil insisted when clearly there was something hurting him.

Dan softened, knowing he’d have to convince Phil to talk to him. He was so stubborn, it was silly. Dan pushed some of Phil’s hair back, his touches gentle and soothing. “Baby, I know something’s wrong. Please just talk to me, you don’t have to be scared.”

Phil caved in, the pet name and touches melting any stubbornness he had. “My stomach hurts and I don’t feel good.”

Dan’s worries only increased. He placed a hand against Phil’s forehead, checking for a fever. There was no heat, thankfully, though that didn’t help Dan to find the cause of Phil’s illness.

“Was it something you ate? Is it lactose?”

Phil shook his head. “Ate the same things as you and haven’t had any milk today.” He groaned as his stomach cramped unpleasantly.

Dan lowered his hand, letting it settle on Phil’s shoulder. As far as Dan knew, there weren’t any outside sources causing the stomachache.

“Is it stress?”

Phil didn’t answer, instead curling up further against Dan. His body language answered Dan’s question for him.

Dan cooed, heart melting with sympathy. “That bad?”

Phil nodded.

“Love, why didn’t you come talk to me earlier? You know I wouldn’t have minded helping,” Dan whispered, forehead creased with concern.

Phil sighed. “I know, I just thought I could handle it.”

Dan wished Phil would rely on him more, yet he knew that that was simply how Phil was. In the end, he’d always open up to Dan.

Dan leaned forward and kissed Phil’s forehead, trying to comfort him and ease his mind. “I don’t think we have any painkillers on the bus.”

Phil shook his head. “Painkillers wouldn’t work anyway. Need to relax.”

“How about a nap? I could play some soft music and cuddle you while you rest.”

A nap did sound appealing and Phil could desperately use the sleep. “Yes, please.”

Dan pulled him up gently and led him to the back of the tour bus where the bed was. He closed the door, hoping the rest of the management would understand that they needed to be alone.

Dan picked up some sweats from his suitcase that was lying open. “Here, put on some sweats. I doubt those jeans are helping with the pain.”

As Phil changed, Dan setup his laptop 0n the bedside table. He already had some sleep music downloaded as a suggestion from his therapist. The soft sounds filled the room, giving the atmosphere a more quiet feeling to it.

Phil curled up on the bed, hugging his arms around his stomach. He watched as Dan lowered the blinds and turned off the light, plunging the room into mostly darkness. There was some more rustling then Dan was climbing into the bed with Phil.

He didn’t say anything, instead pulling Phil close to him and letting his hand rest on his back, rubbing small circles. He kissed Phil’s nose, then his forehead, finally resting his head on top of his hair.

Dan listened as Phil’s breathing slowed down as he fell asleep. He smiled and closed his own eyes, the music and warmth of Phil making him drowsy.

When their manager found them curled up together on the bed, she didn’t have the heart to wake up them up.

3.

Dan was truly something else, Phil mused.

They were celebrating another successful evening by visiting a high end club nearby. The drinks had fancy names that Phil stumbled over while Dan somehow pronounced them effortlessly. His was fruity with a certain punch to it that burned his throat yet left him wanting more.

More rounds of drinks were served. Phil was talking idly with someone from management while Dan scrolled through his phone, his body connected to Phil’s. It was his way of being clingy without being too dramatic; the warmth of Phil’s body and the physical touch was enough to starve off the affectionate monster that rose in Dan whenever he had a few drinks in his system.

Phil had finished his conversation when he finally turned to Dan. He was expecting him to still be on his phone, scrolling through twitter and looking at what their followers had to say.

Only, Dan wasn’t on his phone. Instead, his head was lulled to the side, mouth parted slightly and hair ruffled, with his eyes closed.

Phil felt his heart leap in his chest, the warm feeling of love and affection spreading through him like a wildfire. He sighed softly, a smile stuck on his face as he stared at the sleeping man next to him.

It must have been the alcohol, a sedative that worked its magic on Dan’s already exhausted body. Phil most certainly didn’t mind how fucking /adorable/ Dan looked. The steady rise and fall of his chest was therapeutic, a sign of peace and stability amidst the chaos of tour.

How could Phil not love this man?

He wrapped his arm around Dan’s waist and leaned his body into his own, adjusting it so his head fell on his shoulder. He smelled of fruity cocktails and cologne and Phil loved it. He couldn’t help but press kisses into Dan’s hair, not caring if the whole world was watching.

Dan stirred, making a whining noise and hiding his face in Phil’s neck. He let out a long breath and tried to fall back asleep.

Phil couldn’t help but giggle. “Taking a nap at the club? That’s a new one for you.”

Dan groaned, scrunching his nose and reluctantly opening his eyes. His head felt dizzy with alcohol, but with  Philby his side he felt stable.

“Shush, ‘m sleeping,” Dan mumbled into Phil’s neck.

Phil merely laughed once more then kissed Dan’s hair. “I don’t think a club is exactly the best place to take a nap at, but you do you.”

Dan lifted his head to glare at Phil, only this proved to be a mistake as Phil took this as an invitation to kiss Dan’s cheeks. And once he started, he didn’t stop.

“Phil,” Dan complained, blushing from being smothered with kisses, “Stop it.”

Phil beamed and placed one last kiss on Dan’s cheek, satisfied with his work. Dan was now a flustered, sleepy mess with red cheeks and heavy eyes.

“How about we go back to our hotel room and sleep there? I think you’ll find it much comfier,” Phil offered.

Dan pouted. “But it’s so far away.”However, he knew that they did need to return, and he really didn’t want to spend the night sleeping at an unknown club. “Fine, but if I fall asleep on the ride back, you’re carrying me in.”

He did fall asleep on the ride, not that Phil was surprised. He merely smiled and tried to ignore the feeling of dread as he realized he would have to carry Dan to their hotel room.

But he’d do it for Dan, because he loved him.

+1.

This hotel had a balcony, one that overlooked the city.

They were Mumbai, one of their last tour places. It was well past midnight yet the buzzing of the city had yet to die down. It reminded Phil faintly of home, of his own city that even at night  was alive.

Phil was tired, his muscles aching from their performance (along with other activities) and eyes burning with a plea for sleep. His mind, however, was far too awake for sleep.

How long had it been since he had seen home, slept in his own bed? A home that pretty soon, they’d be moving out of anyways.

His brain was plagued with thoughts of the future and past, but mostly of Dan. Dan who was fast asleep in their hotel bed, hair still damp from the shower they had shared. Phil smiled longingly, remembering Dan’s skin against his own and the way he had looked after Phil had his way with him.

He was flawed, yet somehow perfect in every sense. Phil’s mind always went to him; he was Phil’s base and Phil’s home, the one thing he could count on.

Nine years together and Phil was almost desperate to marry him.

Phil sighed at that thought, his chest aching with desire. There had always been too much going on, too much doubt, too much attention. Phil always wanted it to be perfect, yet he could never tell when that moment would be.

He closed his eyes, letting them rest. His head pounded and he knew that realistically he needed to go to sleep.

Warm arms found their way around his waist and suddenly Dan was there, resting his chin on Phil’s shoulder.

“Can’t sleep?”

Phil shook his head. “Can’t stop thinking.”

Dan hummed. He didn’t ask what it was about, knowing that Phil preferred to talk about it on his own terms. Instead he stood there, smelling of hotel soap and sweat from the heat, holding Phil in his arms.

Phil couldn’t bear it any longer, the tightness in his chest physically painful and the voices in his mind screaming at him to speak. He felt his nerves jump as he opened his mouth to speak.

“Marry me.”

Dan squeezed Phil’s waist and let out a shaky breath. “Really?”

Phil laid his hand over Dan’s and suddenly all nervousness he had, left. This was Dan, the same man who had grown with him from a clash of emo and awkwardness to an adult with a job and a house in the future.

“Dan,” he turned to face him, staring into Dan’s eyes. They reflected the moon as they stared at Phil with wonder and surprise. “There’s nothing more I want in my life than to grow old with you. To own a house and maybe even raise some kids of our own.”

Phil heard Dan’s voice hitch. He had always wanted to be a father; Phil remembered from a distinct conversation they had one night when Dan was drunk off his ass.

“I want to call you my husband and do all the things a cheesy gay married couple would do. You’re everything I want and have wanted for years now.”

Phil could see Dan smile, his eyes watering as sobs slowly built up in his throat. When one escaped, he ducked to hide his head in Phil’s chest.

“Phil, oh Phil I,” Dan stumbled over his words, too overwhelmed to even know where to begin, “Yes, yes, I’ll marry you, you stupid fucking dork. Fuck.”

Phil felt his own eyes water and he buried his nose in Dan’s hair, letting the few tears he had slip out. They were like rain on a wildfire, soothing the storm in him.

“Shit, I was going to ask once the tour was over, but fucking hell-” Dan laughed, looking up at Phil. “You’re bloody amazing and I can’t believe I’m going to marry you.”

Phil laughed softly, a bit too emotional and trying to keep himself from sobbing from relief and pure love for Dan. He hurriedly kissed Dan, overwhelmed in the best way possible. He had to pull back, however, as he let out a sob. One lead to another and pretty soon he was grossly crying.

Dan cooed, hugging him close and letting Phil cry on his shoulder. He could feel Phil trembling and his sobs coming out in uneven breathes.

“I-I love you so much,” Phil managed, clinging onto Dan for dear life.

Dan closed his eyes as his heart soared to new, dangerous heights. “I love you too. You’re my everything.”

They went to bed much later when they were both much more composed, hearts singing and permanent smiles on their faces.

Dan chokes, and Phil spends a good five minutes patting his back while he coughs up pieces of Crunchy Nut. When his lungs are finally clear, Dan turns around, glaring.

“You absolute fucking prick,” he says.

“Is that a no?” Phil doesn’t sound concerned.

“You heard me last night, didn’t you?” Dan points an accusatory finger at Phil’s nose. “You heard me practicing my speech and decided to beat me to the punch. You utter shit.”

Phil puts his hands up in defense. “I just wanted a midnight snack. I think that instead of being mad at me, you should focus on how thoughtful I was to leave you some cereal for breakfast.”

“Oh, that’s what I should focus on, is it? Silly me, I thought the fact that you just fucking proposed to me was a slightly bigger deal.” He gets up from his sofa crease, arms crossed, and stomps his way to the bedroom, the voices on the television still going behind him.

Phil follows without missing a beat. “Come on, Dan, we’ve talked about getting married since you were twenty-two. Is it really that big a deal?”

“Yes!” Dan whirls around, nearly bumping his nose into Phil’s in the process. “There is a big goddamn difference between planning to get married and planning to get married.”

Phil tilts his head in confusion.

“Oh fuck off,” Dan says before throwing himself onto the bed dramatically.

“But…this is my room.”

“Fuck off,” Dan repeats, voice muffled by a pillow far too soft and nice-smelling to be his own. He realises with sudden annoyance that it’s Phil’s.

The bed dips, and Dan resists the impulse to scoot over and give Phil more room. He doesn’t deserve more room, Dan thinks. The proposal-thieving bastard.

“Tell me why you’re upset,” Phil says.

Dan groans and rolls onto his back. He meets Phil’s eyes, which still look far too full of affection for someone whose proposal was just rejected. Dan tries to hold onto his anger, but after a moment of tense silence, he ends up grabbing the pillow from behind him and hugging it to his chest. He studies the blue and green pattern as he grumbles, “I wanted to propose.”

“I know,” Phil says gently.

Dan’s anger comes back all at once. “Then why didn’t you just let me do it?”

“Tired of waiting, partially.” Phil shrugs. “But mostly, I was tired of seeing you so stressed about it.”

Dan’s mouth falls open. “What the hell, Phil? How long have you known?”

“Since August…” Phil says, wincing, “…of 2014.”

Dan just stares at him.

“I get hungry when I can’t sleep!” Phil rushes to defend. “And the bed gets cold when you leave, which wakes me up.”

No response.

“I really am sorry.” Phil ducks his head, peeking up through his overgrown fringe in a way that is decidedly not adorable. “I thought by now you would have known that I knew.”

That snaps Dan out of his trance. “Of course I didn’t know you knew,” he says. “Why would I still be practicing my speech if I knew you knew?”

“Oh.” Phil’s eyes widen as if the idea truly hadn’t occurred to him until now. “Er…”

Dan raises an eyebrow.

“Whoops?” Phil finishes lamely.

“Yeah. Whoops.”

“Well it’s not too late!” Phil says. “Just propose to me now.”

“I can’t just propose to you after you’ve already proposed to me. That’s not how it works.”

“Why not?”

Phil’s question sounds so sincere that it gives Dan pause. He struggles to come up with a good reason before giving up with a sigh. “There were supposed to be flowers.”

Phil taps his finger to his lips, considering, before springing up from the bed. He gathers every plant he can find in the bedroom into his arms—two cacti, an aloe vera plant, and something too dead to identify—before plopping onto the floor and placing two on each side of his legs. “What else?”

Dan feels the corner of his mouth tick up involuntarily. “I was going to take you to dinner first.”

“That part’s easy; we just ate cereal. What else?”

“I was going to try to look nice…” he says, running a hand through the messy curls that are currently pushed back from his forehead and haven’t been washed in days. With his other hand, he tugs at the hem of his wrinkled tee.

At this, Phil stands, joining Dan on the bed again and stilling Dan’s hands with his own. “You’re beautiful,” Phil says in a voice so sincere it makes Dan’s whole face heat up. “Anything else?”

“Well I was going to give this lengthy speech leading up to it, but apparently you’ve heard it a million times already.”

“I want to hear it again.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do.”

Dan glares.

“Please?”

Dan continues to pout for as long as possible—which ends up being a whopping four seconds—before huffing through his nose and letting the words start tumbling out. “I was going to start by asking if you remembered that time we were Skyping before we even met, and I fell asleep while you were talking, and when I woke up you were still there.”

“I do,” Phil says.

Dan ignores him. “And I was going to tell you how you didn’t know it then—only you probably did because apparently I can’t keep anything from you—but that was the moment I realised I wanted you to be in my life for as long as I lived. And I wasn’t thinking about marrying you or even dating you yet. I just knew that I wanted to be with you, permanently, in any capacity you’d allow.”

“I felt the same way.”

“And how it still took me months to notice I was in love with you, and how I fretted about ruining our friendship for ages before you kissed me out of the blue one day because you knew, of course you knew, and fuck I’m just now realising how stupid I was to think I could plan a proposal for this long without you figuring it out.”

“Not your smartest assumption, no.”

“And even with me spilling my heart out and you over there being a smartass about the whole thing—”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”

“—I still want to spend every second until the day I die by your side.”

“I’d sort of prefer to go to the toilet alone, if that’s alright.”

The enthusiasm in Dan’s eyes vanishes instantly, replaced by a blank stare. “Actually, you know what? I take it all back. I fucking hate you.”

Phil smiles. “I know.”

As though the brain cells that control his emotions finally abandon ship, Dan suddenly bursts into both laughter and tears.

Phil, ever calm and patient in the face of Dan’s hysterics, simply cradles Dan to his chest and lets him cry on his shirt.

“I don’t actually hate you,” Dan says between hiccups. “The opposite of that, actually. Like, the super-duper opposite.”

“I super-duper opposite of hate you too,” says Phil.

When Dan has finally regained some semblance of composure, he feels a thumb reach out and wipe the leftover moisture off his cheeks. He whispers a hoarse “thank you” and wraps his arms around Phil’s waist, and they stay that way for longer than either of them can keep track of.

“Hey.” Dan is the first to break the silence. Phil looks down at him, and Dan hides his grin in Phil’s chest. “We’re getting married.”

“Are we?” Phil asks. “You never answered my question.”

“You never answered mine either.”

“You never actually asked.”

Dan huffs, both exasperated and amused. “Will you marry me, then?”

“Hm…” Phil pretends to think about it. “I don’t know…will there be cake?”

Dan releases his hold on Phil’s waist and shoves his arm. “Just say yes, you idiot.”

“Yes,” Phil replies seriously, and then he smirks. “You idiot.”

Dan scoffs even as he grips Phil’s shirt in both hands and pulls him in for a kiss. It’s tender but short-lived, as Dan soon pulls back to say, “I get to plan the wedding.”

“Is that a yes from you as well?”

“I mean it. I didn’t get the proposal I wanted so I get to choose every last detail.”

“Is that a yes?” Phil repeats.

“I want a vegan wedding cake. A black one. And black and white décor. We’re wearing tuxes, not suits. Monochrome dress code for the guests too. I won’t have even a hint of color.”

“Is that a yes?”

Dan narrows his eyes. “I want a divorce.”

“You’ll have to marry me first.”

A slow grin creeps onto Dan’s face.

               Phil rubbed the back of his neck and started to adjust his fringe. How was he going to do this? “Okay, you’re lying to me,” Dan smiled. “You’re obviously scared. If you knew you would be so nervous, why did you suggest this?” “I don’t know. It just seemed like it would be a good idea,” Phil defended while shaking his arms. “It’ll be alright, honey,” Dan reassured. He reached his head over and gave him a soft peck on the cheek. Phil hated when they flirted in public. He always got so embarrassed that he could barely enjoy the soft kisses. He wanted to tell Dan to back off a bit, but his attention was automatically drawn to the staff calling them to their private car that Phil had secretly called ahead for. Dan eased forward while taking Phil’s sweaty hand. Phil’s stomach tied up into millions of knots, but he wasn’t nervous to ride The London Eye. He was nervous to propose to his boyfriend of six and a half years.

               As Phil entered the glass car, he stuck his hand in his right pocket and searched for the ring box. Still there, he noted. He could do this. It would just be a bit overwhelming.

               Phil could see the calm, black water of the Thames matching the color of the star-filled sky. This was definitely the time to ask. It was so beautiful. How could he possibly pass up such a wonderful opportunity to pop the question?

               “Well, now that we’re alone…” Dan teased while tugging on the collar of Phil’s plaid button up. “Hey!” Phil playfully protested, swatting away Dan’s hand. Dan sighed and took a seat on the large wooden bench in the middle of the spacious car. It cost a lot to book it to themselves, but Phil figured such a spectacular moment deserved something this grand.

               Phil sat up against Dan, keeping his right hand in his pocket. Soon, he warned himself. Without saying a word, or even taking a glance at him, Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder. As the carriage started to move, Dan finally spoke. “Still scared?” he crooned. Phil didn’t know how to respond. Of course he was. He was completely overtaken by fear, but he couldn’t tell Dan that, or Dan would feel like he couldn’t calm Phil down. In this case though, he really couldn’t.

               “A little,” Phil whispered, finally taking his hand out of his pocket. He reached and pointed to Big Ben. All he had to do was change the subject, right? “Look at how beautiful it is at night,” he added, truly getting lost in the lights of the city. “You know what else is beautiful at night? You,” Phil finished, giving Dan a light tickle on his stomach. Dan chuckled at the obnoxious compliment. Phil’s palms became just a little less sweaty.

               At about halfway to the top, Phil really started to get nervous. It was then when it registered within him that in a few minutes, he would propose to his wonderful boyfriend, Dan Howell. His legs shook tremendously as he took Dan’s hand to stand up. He inched closer to the edge of the glass, still holding Dan’s hand. “Why haven’t we done this sooner?” Dan asked, still looking out at the city. “I don’t know,” Phil answered. “But I’m glad this is our first time. It makes it more magical,” Dan didn’t even notice the possible innuendo, and he inched even closer to Phil, making them basically on top of each other.

Phil loathed the silence even though he usually embraced it during their cuddle time at home. He didn’t want to have to break the peace of the moment by suddenly getting down on one knee. He had to start flirting or something. But what should he say? Skills that used to come so easily to him were ran out by the nervousness. All he had to do was find a compliment! That would start a conversation! He had to act fast though, as they were quickly approaching the top of the ride.

Phil glanced over at Dan’s eyes and thought of the most generic but true compliment he could find. “I could so easily get lost in those eyes,” he heard himself say. It felt like he wasn’t in full control of his body. He had never been so terrified in his life. Instead of saying anything, Dan just turned his head and stared at his pale boyfriend. Phil took his hands around Dan’s head and pulled him in for a kiss. His legs abruptly stopped shaking. He pulled out of the warm kiss quickly, noting that they would kiss more after the proposal.

They continued exchanging compliments and hugs until Phil suddenly noticed they were seconds away from the top. He had gotten so caught up in Dan’s beautiful, brown eyes that he forgot about his main mission. It’s time, he established while backing away from Dan. He took a deep breath and started to ask the most important question of his life.

“Dan,” Phil started as a hand reached down to his right pocket. “You already know this, and I tell you all the time, but I love you. You’re the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. And, I was… well I was wondering if you wanted to be more than just my boyfriend,” Phil nervously remarked. He slowly lowered to one knee and grabbed the ring box. Opening the small, black box, he asked, “Daniel James Howell, will you marry me?”

Dan backed up so far that he bumped the glass with his back. With his hands over his mouth and tears forming in his eyes, he screamed a firm, “Yes!” Phil bursted with joy and wrapped his arms around Dan. Neither of them could believe what had just happened. The butterflies once in Phil’s stomach vanquished completely, being replaced by complete and utter joy. Nothing could change their mood in that moment. They were literally and figuratively on top of the world.

 Phil woke up to the calming sound of birds chirping. As he sat up in bed, he reached his arm out and felt around his nightstand for his glasses. His hand hit the spectacles rather quickly, but he kept searching. Searching for his ring.

While making his way to the lounge, he noticed an empty bowl, spoon, and milk laid out across the counter. All of the different varieties of cereal they owned were also strewn about. Next to the bowl lay a note. I didn’t know what kind you wanted. Feel free to steal mine. We’re engaged, we should be sharing. ;) Phil let out a soft giggle and heard a loud laugh from the other room. It was amazing how Dan could so easily know what Phil was doing without even seeing him.

With a bowl of Lucky Charms in hand, Phil entered the lounge to see Dan in his normal browsing position. So this is what it’s like to be engaged, Phil wondered. “Not much different,” he mumbled accidentally. “Huh?” “Well I was just thinking. We’re engaged,” Phil had to take a breath after that sentence. He was still in disbelief. Saying he was engaged was just so weird. “but nothing’s changed!” he softly finished. Dan gave a look of confusion. “Just because we’re engaged doesn’t mean-” Dan abruptly stopped speaking. After a brief moment of silence, Dan spoke again. “Wait, we’re engaged!” Phil gave a strong chuckle. “And you call me the spork,” Phil teased. As he inched closer to Dan, he shut his MacBook for him and gave Dan a flirty look. After a moment of them leaning in to kiss, their lips finally touched. I’m so lucky, Phil noted, releasing Dan from the kiss. After the release, Phil stayed completely stationary. “Phil,” Dan broke the long moment of silence. “Did you get lost in my eyes again?”

It was not a secret that Dan, although saying many times that he hated Valentine’s Day, enjoyed all of the mushy and lovey goodness that he received from Phil every year. 

Beginning with 2010, just a few months after they met and became official, Dan had arrived at Phil’s house over Valentine’s Day to spend a few days with Phil. When he arrived at the train station, he will never forget Phil standing there with a shit eating grin on his face as he held up a bouquet of roses and a heart shaped box of chocolates. It was singlehandedly the cutest and cheesiest thing he’s ever seen. 

And ever since then, he’s always expected something from Phil. 

So now, in 2017, seven years strong and going, Dan is waking up on Valentine’s Day to a cold bed. He sat up quickly, immediately noting that Phil wasn’t beside him, like he always has been. He looked around, fumbling with the comforter now caught around his feet. Where was Phil? 

He reached down and felt the spot next to him, it was cold. And the sheets weren’t even wrinkled. He looked at Phil’s pillow: it was positioned neatly and smoothly, like no one had been there. 

He began to panic. Why wasn’t he here? 

Undoing his feet from the mess of blanket, he quickly moved to the edge of the bed and got up, grabbing his clothing that had lost themselves the night before on the floor, and padded to the kitchen. 

He knew that Phil was here last night, because he and Phil had had sex last night, like they seemed to always do the night before Valentine’s and the night of Valentine’s. It was one of their many traditions that they did on this day because they loved each other. 

He made it down the hallway to the kitchen and he opened the door, walking in and sighing when there wasn’t a sign of him in the kitchen either. He walked over to the container of cereal and observed it: it was the same amount that was left yesterday. So, he hadn’t had any breakfast. 

Okay, what was going on here? 

That was when a single sheet of pink grabbed his attention on the counter. He grabbed it, quickly picking it up to see what was written: Dan, I had to make a trip an emergency trip to my parent’s. Hopefully I can make it back by tomorrow evening. Love, Phil. 

Dan nearly cried. Why couldn’t Phil have just texted him that? But that’s not even the point. It’s fucking Valentine’s Day, and Phil is supposed to be showering him with love and affection and he’s not even around. He also didn’t even acknowledge Valentine’s Day in the letter. 

Quickly rushing back to their shared room, he grabbed his cell phone and looked at the screen. He didn’t even have a single text from Phil, let alone anyone else. Not even any of his friends that always texted him Happy Valentine’s Day. Something weird was going on and he couldn’t make heads or tails of it. 

He unlocked his phone and went under Twitter. He scrolled through his feed and looked at all of the tweets. There were many of his friends tweeting. And they all were tweeting about Valentine’s Day. But why had none of his friends texted him? 

He went under Phil’s twitter, and felt tears brim his eyes as he tweeted Happy Valentine’s Day with a picture of a sloth with laser eyes. He could tell his followers this but not his own boyfriend of seven years? 

His emotions quickly went from sadness to anger. Who the hell does Phil think he is for leaving him behind on this special day? Why not even a text? Or some balloons? Or even a fucking card? He didn’t get anything!

He opened his messages app and tapped Phil’s name, opening his messages with Phil and he began typing, Happy Valentine’s Day? I love you? Am I not even going to get one of those messages? You just leave and then leave me that letter and don’t even fucking text me anything? What the hell, Phil! He hit send and waited, feeling frustrated tears now starting as he plopped himself onto the bed. His patience was running thin when his phone buzzed and he quickly grabbed it. 

Philly: One New Message

Happy Valentine’s Day, bear! I’m sorry I didn’t get around to getting you anything or be there with you. I’ll try to be home as soon as I can. Love you. 

And that was it. That was the whole message. 

You would think that message would make Dan feel better, but no, it made him feel even worse. He began to feel a tear leaking down his cheek and he was ready to just curl into a ball and cry for the whole day. 

But, he didn’t want to wallow inside himself either because then he would feel even worse and he knew that he would spiral into a depression that he just didn’t want to have to deal with. Not with the fact that he had a live show he had to do later that evening. 

So, he stood up and walked back out of the bedroom and headed into the kitchen. He was going to act like today was a normal day and not a holiday. He was going to make breakfast and then sit on the couch and scroll through Tumblr. And then he was going to watch an episode of anime and then brainstorm video ideas. 

He tried to do just that, but that was when things began to get weirder and weirder. He grabbed a bowl from their cupboard and set it down on the counter when a small slip of paper fell out. Curious, he picked it up and read it over: You spend your days upon that grey throne, so why not go see what is there my prince? 

Dan stood back and looked over the note, the grey throne? What did they have in their house that is grey that he sits on all the time? 

He kept rereading the note until he finally got it! The grey throne was the couch! Wait…so he has another one of these hiding in the couch? 

He quickly bolted for the living room and looked over the couch. There wasn’t even anything there. Did he have to literally pull the goddamn thing apart? He reckoned he would have to so he lunged for the cushions and began pulling them off. When he didn’t find anything, he felt flustered. What the hell was going on? 

Then he saw another little pink slip that was poking out from a small unzipped part of the cushion. He pulled it out and quickly read it: 

You have spent many days in browsing position, so how about you do this again to find the next note? 

Dan stood back and just laughed to himself. Of course Phil would be cheesy enough to put on a Valentine’s Day scavenger hunt. God, of course. He located his laptop and opened it, not seeing a slip there. Confused, he turned his laptop on and waited. 

When his screen came to life, a pink note was on his home screen. He smiled when he read it: 

Okay, my notes are not that good, and honestly, probably easy to decipher. But hey, maybe this will make up for it? Open your browser and print out your ticket. I’ll see you soon. Love, Philly

Dan quickly opened his browser and laughed when he saw the tickets, they were train tickets to depart from London at two to Manchester. He stood up from the couch and walked to the office where he printed out the ticket. Getting dressed and noting that it was already one in the afternoon, he quickly rushed out. He had places to get to! 

Dan was just arriving to Manchester now. He was sitting on the train, in the window seat, with his knee bouncing wildly and his heart racing. Was Phil going to be here to pick him up? Where was he even going once he got here? 

An announcement had just been made that they are approaching the station and Dan feel’s increasingly more nervous. That is until someone comes up to him. The person is an older male, probably mid forties, wearing a button down and a pair of slacks. He appears to be a worker of the train, so Dan doesn’t know why he is coming up to him. 

“Are you Dan Howell?” The man asked and Dan nodded slowly. He was unsure of what was happening here, “A special young man wanted you to have this note.” 

Dan grabbed the note from the guy and before he could turn to thank him, the man was gone. Suspicious, he opened the note that was folded over on—once again—pink paper and read it. 

Do you remember the Starbucks that we went to the first day we met? 

That was all it read. Or so Dan thought until he looked further down the page and noticed the page was folded again on the bottom. But there was a note over the fold that said: 

DO NOT OPEN UNTIL YOU CAN SEE PHIL IN YOUR SIGHT

Dan was suspicious of this. What was under that fold? He was tempted to open it now but he didn’t. Instead, he stuffed the note into his pocket as the train came to a stop and he stood up. 

Of course he remembered the Starbucks that they went to. Why wouldn’t he have? 

Taking a taxi from the train station, he made it to the Starbucks in just a matter of minutes. The taxi driver stopped in front of the shop and Dan stepped out, wearing nothing different than his normal attire of his grey sweater that Phil called the “parachute” and his black jeans, but he felt like he should be more formal. 

He opened the door to the Starbucks and stepped inside, instantly seeing pink and red heart shaped balloons cover the ceiling. All of his friends were sitting around, Louise, Zoe, Alfie, Marcus, and more yet. He looked around, his face showing an expression of confusion and awe. 

Then he spotted Phil, with a bouquet of roses and a heart shaped chocolate box in his hand, with a shit eating grin on his face. Dan laughed and covered his face, his cheeks burning from the blush he was producing. 

“Open the note,” Phil said, his voice shaky. 

Dan pulled the note from his jeans pocket, it was a little crumpled now. He slowly opened it and looked down at the folded area. He took a shaky breath before opening the fold and dropping the note as soon as he read it: Will you marry me? 

Tears pricked his eyes and he felt a few escape when he looked up and suddenly, Phil was closer to him, and on one knee. The roses and chocolate were somehow discarded and now he was holding a velvet box with a silver band, “Um…” he said nervously, “I love you and…” 

“Yes!” Dan shouted out, without even realizing he spoke. 

“But I didn’t finish.” 

Dan shook his head, tears falling, “You don’t need to,” he spoke, “I love you, beyond words Phil. And of course I’ll marry you.” 

Phil stood up and everyone cheered. It was all just so surreal. He didn’t even realize that Phil slipped the ring onto his finger and how it fit perfectly. He didn’t realize when Phil kissed him so passionately on the lips to seal the deal. Or even when Louise asked for photos of the two for their own documentation. It was later when they were in bed, after having a passionate night together that Dan finally realized what had happened today. When the silver band glittered in the light as he laid with his head on Phil’s chest, “We’re engaged.” 

Phil smiled at him, “Yes we are,” he said, leaning down and kissing him gently, “And I love you so much.” 

Dan smiled back, “I love you too.”