In all honesty, Ann hadnât noticed the out Akira had offered her--not with the weight of tradition and her heat going hummingbird-fast. But even if she had, would she have taken it? The Lovers wasnât entirely sure. As brief as that kiss was, it was... nice. Pleasant, in a way that surprised her if only because of how all the ones that came before were empty of everything that mattered. Kissing for a camera on orders was going through the motions, but kissing him was different. Maybe she shouldnât have played it so safe.Â
Nah, she knew that wouldâve been way too far for a friend that probably wanted to stay friends.
The Loversâ cheeks still flushed brighter when he withdrew and licked his lips--an action she only noticed thanks to how he began to speak before cutting himself off to sample the lingering taste of her. And when he commented on the flavor of her lip balm, she giggled weakly.
âI--itâs supposed to be cherry cola, but the cherry is subtle. You can try it, if youâd like?â
...and before that accidental innuendo could be pointed out, sheâs digging out the tube of balm and holding it out to him. Sharing such a thing was innocent enough, right? Though a tiny part of herself was able to admit that maybe she shouldâve let that kiss linger so he got that better taste from her lips... but that wouldâve been awkward.
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just some vent art below the cut - i donât usually post this sorta thing, so yâknow. move along, no worries at all, just working out some frustration. be back tomorrow or the next day with some proper happy go lucky goodness.
(also general cw for... distress? probably donât wanna look if you canât handle very very vague slight body horror, or maybe if you have an ED/self harm triggers.)
I will never win the war despite how hard I think I fight...
No matter any move I make I just can't get it right.
But you know just what they say-
Out of sight, Out of mind.
... i donât really talk about it here or anywhere, but iâve got some bad health issues that makes it impossible to have a ânormalâ job/...day-to-day. i canât really eat anything but... well, about five things, and thatâs not hyperbole.
if i eat anything else, well... long story short, foodâs on a spectrum of ânot goodâ to âdebilitating or worseâ re:causing pain, nausea, and a host of other... very, very bad symptoms. my illness centers around my digestive system, basically. it took me years to find a stasis i could keep myself at to function decently, and even still i have bad days... iâm incredibly lucky, though, and i know it. so many things could be worse.
sometimes though it just... it gets to me. iâve gone through it all testing-wise, the doctor circuit, etc - thereâs no cure and all that jazz, in the end. itâs not fatal, so thatâs fine, itâs just... this is my life, and has been for years, and i accept that. i have to. but itâs... hard, as much as i donât like saying so or admitting it. i hate worrying people, i hate the fact that it seems so trivial when explaining it to people, hate that itâs invisible, and i just... feel so, so guilty all the time. itâs exhausting, and i just... well, iâm usually able to handle it all nowadays, and the stasis iâve been able to get to thanks to some support (my sister especially... i really canât begin to explain what she means to me & has done for me), but sometimes things come up. iâve got... family members in particular that... push. including my mom in particular. something happened again the other day regarding her trying to imply i could be âcuredâ or âmostly soâ if i just tried (yet another) diet, and iâm carrying weight even though iâm malnourished, and no donât take that the wrong way and get emotional she really doesnât mean it like that she swears, just i should try this bone broth thing really this book said this this and this, and etc etc... this is a cycle. she means well and i know she just wishes i was âbetterâ, but all the while wonât really listen, and doesnât accept exactly how thorough iâve been. i broke down later over the whole thing once i was alone again, for the first time in a while. i just... have to remember that itâs human to feel tired of being sick all the time.
of course, i then proceeded to get particularly sick for a couple days, so thus my brief radio silence the past couple days. womp.
in the end, realized i just... really needed to do this vent art, to do something so my emotions didnât coil so tight iâd break down again. if you actually read this, then dear stars, iâm sorry, haha. i just needed a place to vent for once, woops... might come back and delete this later, but for now iâm gonna try and get some sleep, feeling a little more at ease for the time i gave myself on this.
iâll do something more positive and hopeful next - or at the very least lighthearted. i really do try to have an optimistic outlook on things, and stay positive as best i can. finally just had to tell myself that it was okay to feel upset too, and to work through it with something like this.
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