For the first time in my life, I have a shrink who’s a) a woman b) younger than me (!) and c) someone to whom I am completely out. It’s great to talk to someone who was trained this century, who understands what being non-binary means, and can talk about it with me intelligently.
I just never came out to my last one, mostly because I saw him for 15 minutes every 6 months for 10 years.
It’s such a relief. I’m going to be getting a new therapist who specializes in chronic illness in a few months, and I’m really looking forward to that. I might also try to see someone in a trans therapy group for other stuff.
There are always new layers to peel back. I thought all of my gender shit was settled years ago but a lot shifted during the pandemic and I can’t put the genie back in the bottle. I’m so much more comfortable being who I’ve truly always been, but also I run into confusing emotions when I’m asked to participate in a women’s event (for music or art) and then decline because I can’t classify myself that way on purpose. I don’t know what’s going to freak me out until I’m faced with it.
I feel like I’ve gotten more annoying…but it’s me expressing myself instead of holding things in. Like asking clients who call my work who don’t know me to please not call me ma’am. I’ll tolerate it 2x a phone call with a stranger but not repeatedly. Some days ma’am is the hill I die on.
Weirdly, that helps the migraine sitch in a sideways way.
Just thinking out loud…
