Apr 18
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Tagged by the wonderful @onlygenxhere to make a ME themed moodboard. So of course I did that instead of any of my chores.
No-pressure tagging: @phantomwriter95, @phantomxarmy, @daintyduck99, @metal-lullabies and @hawkguyhasstarbucks
on healthy monogamy
Obviously, Iām a pretty loud advocate for polyamory. But (as you might expect from someone who isnāt monogamous, I suppose), I donāt believe in One True Way. Polyamory works for me, it works for a lot of people, but monogamy can be and is a legitimate choice for plenty of people. We talk about toxic monogamy culture, and thatās important to be aware of, but I think itās just as important to be aware of what healthy monogamy looks like. Society hasnāt exactly provided a good model for that, even if it models monogamy everywhere constantly.
Like with everything relationship-wise, it should be a conscious choice. Embarking on a huge life journey because you think that is the only option to you isnāt likely to go well, but if you have weighed up the options and decided monogamy sounds like your thing, good.Ā
Iām a big fan of focusing on your own intentions. Wedding vows are about that person making a promise to commit to certain behaviours, and being willing to do that with someone who wants to promise the same. Itās not about making demands of your partner, itās about finding someone who wants to make the same commitments that you do. Itās about what you have to offer, not what you want from someone else, if you get me. And being willing to offer that because theyāre offering something similar or compatible that you want. NotĀ āyou canātā butĀ āI donāt want toā.
Funnily enough that largely holds true for polyamory, doesnāt it? I thinkĀ āhealthy relationship behaviourā works the same whatever your flavour is.
And again this is true for poly but I think healthy monogamy focuses on the wants and needs of the two individuals, and not the relationship itself. If the people arenāt happy, the relationship needs to adapt or end to meet their needs.Ā āThis relationship at any costā does nobody any good.Ā
And I think that focus needs to stay on those two people, and not on outsiders (hilarious that I, a polyamorous individual, am telling monogamous people this). NotĀ āI love you and only youā butĀ āI love you because of who you areā. I find it really distasteful when someone talks about their partner in terms of exclusivity rather than any actual traits that person has, and thatās supposed to be romantic. Certainly Iāve criticised people for fetishising the idea of polyamory over loving the actual people theyāre with, and I think certainlyĀ āI want a partner who meets (exceptionally long and ridiculous list of ideals)ā is unhealthy whatever the relationship style. Whether you stop being open to anyone else once you found someone or not, I think the best relationships are ones where you meet people and find how they fit in your life, not try to ram them in where you want them to fit.
Monogamy doesnāt have to be about ownership. It can be about freedom; the freedom to make that choice to focus all your romantic and sexual attention on one person. Itās not a decision I will ever make, but I have absolute respectful for those who choose it for themselves.
Soren on a Prayer
I feel I should warn yāall: This poetry thing might Get a little strange at times
Like reading random pages Of Kierkegaard aloud to a Sudsy bath and naked toes
A two-slot toaster is Plugged in, at the ready Absolutely stuffed with waffles
karacupcakesā¢ on instagram
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Personal ZR missions to mention
I meant to post some of my favorites or missions that resonated with me to go along with the other post but didnāt realize I had as many as I did until I started making this post. So - uh - hope the āRead Moreā works. ^^ā {Edit: Thank you to those who asked me about the missions I liked!}
finding it difficult watching my Grandad fade away
he was always so composed and steady
hope when it gets nearer to the end he wonāt feel much pain
I am moved! Much relief. In-unit washer/dryer *rejoices*, closer to work, closer to everything. Iām so happy, especially because the moving part is now over, which means I can write and play FFXV again. :D